First letter dated 3rd November 2008
I, Padre wish to complain in the strongest possible terms regarding the blatent ignoring of my correct answer to the quiz at the last hash in Nice.
The Religious Advisor stated he was going to announce the Weiner and as my answer was sausages, as can be confirmed by Farty Bum, I therefore, should have been awarded the prize and not Big End.
I shall, of course, be cancelling my subscription.
Grumpy of Grasse.
Second letter dated 3rd November 2008
I am disgusted that years of Hash principles have been sacrificed and cheap competitive elements have been introduced, just for gratuitous pleasure .
I of course refer to the Contessa offering prizes for the winner of her competition.
I strongly think this practice should not be counted as Hash entertainment and the committee ban this insidious practice immediately.
I shall of course be cancelling my subscription until this dubious practice is banned.
Third letter dated 3rd November 2008
Big End wishes to thank the Contessa for organising such a wonderful prize for her cerebral quiz and expresses her delight in being the worthy winner of such a prestigious award commensurate with her intellectual abilities.
Fourth letter dated 4th November 2008
I see that Madame Mouton counted 465 steps UP from the beach. That would be 465 steps WE went DOWN.
This means that at the beginning of the run WE only went up 695 - 465 = 230 steps.
There is no way in a million years I will ever believe that we went UP only 230 steps!
I myself estimated it to be about a thousand, and I estimated that we did 437 steps DOWN, to give a final score of 1437.
The fact that Madame Mouton COUNTED 465 steps where I ESTIMATED 437 shows that my skills at estimating are quite highly developed.
I am therefore convinced that it was actually me who won the competition, and not Big End with her puny total of only 695 steps.
This is not a "minor administrative detail" --not when a PRIZE is involved.
I demand a recount. And FAST, before Big End leaves the country with her sausages.
P.S. I demand satisfaction or I will cancel my subscription.
Fifth letter dated 4th November 2008
Dear Sir or Madam,
I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms regarding Farty Bum's inside information and blatent cheating.
How else did Madame Mouton know how to count the steps?
Maybe I am being presumptuous, if she wasn't diqualified, then she should have been.
I think the mismanagement should look further into these Zimbabwean practices.
I demand a recount.
P.S. Please cancel my subscription immediately!
Sixth letter dated 4th November 2008
For the attention of the mismanagement;
Dear upstanding members,
Can you please verify the Contessa carried out her audit, of the steps, in the approved manner with an independent scrutineer as laid down by E.U. directives.
The directive should of course take into the consideration the extra steps which were encountered by the runners on the section not covered by the L.W.B.
E.J.Thribb Aged 17 ¾
Seventh letter dated 11th November 2008
This past run, I counted all the steps, (to the irritation of Pedo)
anyway I decided to do a contest, as I have done 2800 + steps (so I
deserve a nice looking ass or a hip replacement) and it was very very
interesting, the vast differences in guesses - between 139 and 1470 !
Big End was uncannily very very close at 690. She must have an
internal step clock. What made this interesting, is that no one knew
in advance there would be a contest, so it was truly a surprise.
Taught Ass Contessa,
She also castigated me. Padre, and again I quote,
not forgtting that Madame Moution arrived late and did the course Finsh to Start
- and that YOU, Padre, missed the 100 Secret Steps all together!! How dare you... while Big End was winning prizes for 'feeling' the steps, you wrote 'sausage' on the the vote! You deserve some down down for this - especting Big End to 'cover for you' while you abandon the course and disregard the contest. Luckly Big End was there to add credibility!