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NEXT RUN N°813 10/4/2016
No Grappa & Procul

R*N REPORT N° 812 27/3/2016

Worth Reading
50 Shades of Smut


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Never Cums

Run 812 - Spare Rib's Brexit - a fantasy tale by Noaht Ruthinit.

Rumours of Spare-Rib's impending Eggsit to Brittany to become a shepherd had spread far beyond the tight circle of the RHHH which probably explained the larger than normal group turning up in Le Broc on a cloudy Sunday afternoon. These included international Hashers Incredible Hulk and Haggis from the Budapest Hash along with a visitor, Spot, from the Berkshire Hash in Berkshire and finally The Vicar and Flying Chicken from Norway, who will be semi residents on the Riviera whenever its raining in Norway.

The fact Mrs Cupcake was dressed as Bo Peep and EllieNN was away on a course on animal husbandry with penguin stuffing did nothing to dispel the tale spun by Madame Mooton.

The hares were were, of course, Spare Rib and a sheepish-looking Cumalot. This would normally mean 'business as usual' for the Le Broc fell r*nning (more later) trail was going to scale at least one of the peaks in the area as in previous years.

What the pack didn't know was that new trails had been opened up by the Carros Mairie in the style of a Roman road, i.e. dead straight up and down the sides of the mountain... but more later.

The trail had been set economically that morning using only two bags of flour as the other 10 had been commandeered by Mrs Cupcake to make a wide range of cakes and cookies for the beer stop.

This had two effects:- plenty of cake and a shortened trail, both of which were appreciated by the Hashers.

The trail left Le Broc in the direction of Mount Arghh!, a slightly lower peak than Mount Nouf Yukkinway, that had been scaled in previous years.

As was traditional, the r*nners, lead notably by Padre, scoffed the first batches of hidden Easter eggs long before the walkers had huffed and puffed up the slopes of Mount Arghh!

New FRB, CumsQuicker, did some fell running early in the trail and then fell, running and twisted her ankle which meant she spent the rest of the time hopping at the rear of the pack with the Pilchard only slightly further back.

The walkers and runners trails split half way up Mount Arghh! with the walkers descending a gentle vertical drop with old tree stumps to catch the unwary. The Duchess of Cambridge decided he didn't want to fall on his arse CumsQuicker style so used two improvised walking sticks to ski down the cliff face with help from Long And Hard.

Meanwhile the r*nners, unusually in the majority, had to ascend further up Mount Arghh! until they too had to abseil down the new trail without ropes and cross the via ferrata without ferratas.

Sadist meanwhile could not decide if he was a r*nning walker or a walking r*nner and scampered down the walkers trail like an Easter Bunny in search of, um, other Easter Bunnies.

Due to superb planning, and not luck, the two groups met at the beer stop which for reasons only known to veteran Beermeister Pedophil, was not at the picturesque old moulin with a view of the majestic, snow-covered Alpes Maratimes but a car park on a roundabout outside the closed Kwik-e-Mart.

Despite the surroundings, much cake consumption and jollity ensued with the usual reluctance to start the second half.

Due to restricted amounts of flour available, Spare Rib directed the r*nners to the footpath through Old Carros back to Le Broc helpfully marked with yellow paint by the Mairie.

Spare Rib was obviously in a hurry to return home to pack before starting his new life in Breton-Normandy.

However, newish Hasher and veteran trail r*nner MelanieNN decided that a detour to the new Carros industrial area would be more of a challenge and led a hopping CumsQuicker, RichardNN and our visitor, Spot well off piste with the result they had to be rescued by Cumalot who auto-Hashed them back to the start.

Luckily the rest of the pack followed Lonely on the correct trail up the 400m ascent back to Le Broc.

The circle was conducted by Cumalot with interjections by new Biot property owners and veteran Hashers Flying Chicken and The Vicar from the Norway.

The big revelation was that this was only Spare Ribs last Hash until next year!

In the absence of a ducking stool, perpetual gossip Madame Mooton was awarded Sh*t of the week as a reward for spreading rumours.

Farty Bum was only slightly disappointed not to be SotW for a change.

After the down downs for various crimes, see below, we were well entertained in the warmth of Chez Spare Rib, while we waited for the resto to open.

An excellent meal followed and we look forward to the final ever eggstravaganza from Spare Rib and Mrs. Cupcake becoming an annual event!
(down down list to follow)

Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

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R*n 813: NEXT HASH 10 - Apr

Already run.