RIVIERA HASH TRASH 811
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NEXT RUN N°812 27/03/2016
R*N REPORT N° 811 13/3/2016
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Those that can do.
Those that can't....... become members of the Mismanagement.
A welcomed, rare appearance, of the lesser spotted Dirty Dingus, wearing his summer plumage, all the way from the land of fruits and nuts, California, giving the runners a fresh perspective near Mouan Sartoux and Pegomas.
This being the closest Sunday to St. Patrick's day a smattering of attendees wore appropriate clothing much to the amusement of the passing motorists. You will need to look at Facebook to see all the photographs. Here is one to whet your appetite. (Looks like something else has been whetted. Ed)
Paddy and Murphy were sitting down doing a crossword.
Murphy asks, "How do you spell paint?"
Paddy replies, "What colour!"
An early 1000hrs. start with a good turn out for the 28th. Anniversary run. A brief introduction from the Hare explaining there will be two trails, one for the Runners and one for the L.W.B. and we are off. Padre told me that he purchased a new stick deodorant on the way to the run and the instructions said; "Remove cap and push up bottom." He said he could barely run, but whenever he farted the air smelled lovely.
Mentioning smelly stuff; Brut that purveyor of exotic fragrances for pubescent teenagers recently carried out a survey in one of the less salubrious areas of Marseilles with the intention of marketing the fragrance in France. The asked the occupants if they ever had sex in the shower. 84% answered that they had but the other 16% said they had not been to prison yet.
A short warm up on the flat, rapidly leaving the Walking section behind, never to be seen again, and then down into the valley following the sewer line, although this one did not smell. Can not say the same for the treatment settling tanks further down river. A few false trails enthusiastically searched by Cums Quicker whilst we regroup. The Supermarket Trolley does not perform well with these underfoot conditions but you should see her go when we hit the tarmac at the bottom. We are quickly gaining on her as the terrain becomes uneven.
Across the valley floor and the river at the bottom and we start the climb up the other side, but not before Mel No Name manages to run a false trail in completely the opposite direction. She told me silence is golden unless you have children and then it is suspicious. At least we did not end up at the sewerage plant which is where she would have ended up if we had not called her back from the false trail.
Assorted Hashers making the final push for the summit.
I suppose we had better have an Irish joke here;
Paddy was in New York ..
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'It is time ye let the Catholics across?'
I digress, as we wind our way around the hill to the top and looking across the valley we can see Cum's Quicker approaching the summit of the hill, about a km away, so she has, obviously, found the correct trail. (Either that or somebody has upset her. Ed) Can not say the same for Perpetual Motion as he has not been seen for quite some time. But, he is old enough, and ugly enough, to fend for himself and with all his Riviera Hashing experience we are not concerned. I, for one, was not going looking for him just in case he was doing his Bear impression in the woods. Such is the relentless pace Sudsucker and No Grappa a being left behind as we approach Pegomas, down the little track which looks as if it was somebody's driveway. Padre returned to ensure No Grappa and Sudsucker were not left behind. Sudsucker explained she had a problem going down. (I assume it was down hill she was referring to. Ed.)
Yes, here is the proof, you dirty minded so and so.
Once around the corner she accelerated and left No Grappa and Padre to struggle up the hill to the beer stop. That should have been a Shit of the Week nomination there.
No Grappa, struggling with a broken finger nail, being left behind.
Two Irishmen had a miserable day visiting the sperm bank in London. One missed the tube and the other came on the bus.
We give Dirty Dingus a five minute start and the Beer stop is declared over. A French five minutes is ten minutes shorter than a Spanish one, but slightly longer than an English one which is about ten minutes.
Back around the hill, minus No Grappa who had decided to wimp out complaining of a broken nail, or something just as serious. At the bottom we cross back over the road and Perpetual Motion thinks he knows the way back and starts to go up the service road which takes you around the back of the hill to the start. Wrong! Mel N.N. and Cums Quicker take off at 180 degrees to him. Wrong ! The correct trail is straight up the fall line dodging the mud and water running down the middle of the path. I was wondering how The Pilchard was going to manage with his predilection for taking his shoes off if he thinks they are going to get wet. A longish, steepish ascent and a sneaky drop down into the valley before we climb back up to return to the start. All arriving within 5 minutes of each other so a well planned trail with everyone taking their turn at the front until discovering they had gone the wrong way. Thank you Dirty Dingus.
Insomnia sufferers look on the bright side. Only two more sleeps until 'Xmas.
Cumalot and Padre have life memberships to Colgan's Brewery and Padre told Dirty Dingus all about it as he was planning to visit, on Monday, to see if it was worth his while. However, as he lives in America this might suit him better.
The Irish have come up with the great idea that if you freeze boiling water then whenever you need boiling water all you have to do is defrost it.
Cumalot decided he did not want to get out of bed so early in the morning and therefore Padre stood in as Deputy Assistant R.A. for the circle.
Down Down awards were given or earned by the following participants......................
Hare; Dirty Dingus
Mismangement; All attending members of the Mismanagement for lack of P's (Those that can't become members of the Mismangement)
For those of you that are not aware of the seven P's have a word with Perpetual Motion. (He really should have known better.Ed.)
No Birthday Cake and Champagne, and no St. Patrick's Day green Guinness.
I think that was Sadist, Perpetual Motion, and Farty Bum.
Returners; Dirty Dingus and Sudsucker.
Participating in the Irish spirit; No Grappa, Padre, Perpetual Motion and Sadist.
Racing; Cums Quicker
Confusing Beethoven with Miles Davis; Dire Rear.
Motor Mouth; (Non stop talking) Sonva
Virgins; Matine and Mark all the way from S.A.
Shit of the Week; Nominations were, The Mismanagement for lack of Irishness. Grand Master Perpetual Motion and Cums Quicker for living up to her name and was seen to be competitively running.
You can see how serious this offence was deemed to be as she won comprehensively over the person responsible for the lack of Cake, Champagne and Green Guinness. The Down Down prize expertly administered by virgin Mark.
I was asked if people over sixty sleep more soundly?
I replied, "Yes, usually in the afternoon."
We then make our move to go to the restaurant and Sadist finds his new V.W. car has a security feature he was not aware of.
Apparently, to stop your car from being driven off by "The Baddies", if you leave the keys inside it automatically locks itself. Normally we would not worry but the money to pay the restaurant was inside and I, for one, did not fancy driving Sadist all the way to Monaco and back to pick up the spare set. Thank you Dirty Dingus for doing a Knight in Shining Armour impersonation. That has taken care of the Shit of the Week award for the next run.
We then all retire to Restaurant O' Soleil for some ethnic type food. Chicken Mango, Rice and Beans, Ginger Chilli washed down with Red or Rose wine, followed by a Strawberry Mousse in a biscuit basket. A tad expensive but very tasty.
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 812: NEXT HASH 27 - Mar
The annual Easter Egg run will be in Le Broc at 3 pm (watch out, clocks change the night before !). The On On at l'Estragon as usual.
An extract from the Run Report from last year :
< At 12.50, just after I had emerged from a state of jubiliation at finding the first definite fossils on the Summit of Le Broc, there was a sudden clearing of the atmosphere, and the entire summit ridge and final peak of Le Broc were unveiled. My eyes became fixed on one tiny black spot silhouetted on a small snow-crest beneath a rock-step in the ridge ; the black spot moved. Another black spot became apparent and moved up the snow to join the other on the crest. The first then approached the great rock-step and shortly emerged at the top ; the second did likewise. Then the whole fascinating vision vanished, enveloped in cloud once more >.
The < black spots > referred to are believed to have been the last sightings of Padre and Cumalot.
On on !