RIVIERA HASH TRASH 801
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NEXT RUN N°802 8/11/2015
Iron Lady & 2Fab
R*N REPORT N° 801 25/10/2015
WALKERS' REPORT 801 25/10/2015
Poke My Hole
50 Shades of Smut
Hash directions should go firstname.lastname@example.org
Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed
Hares; Farty Bum and Supermarket Trolley
Venue; Roquefort Les Pins, Halloween Special.
Scribe; Paddy O'Doors
"It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them that they have been fooled." -Mark Twain
"Jackie N.N. tried to fool Padre, but rather easily he realised he had been fooled." - Paddy O'Doors.
See Jackie's naming, below.
Once again we hit the village, and surrounding area, of Roquefort les Pins as this is the Hares back garden. Therefore, were all asked to come disguised as something spooky so that her neighbours would not recognise us. (And more importantly, her. Ed.)
As I pulled into the car park I found a plastic bag, abandoned, containing an England Rugby shirt. I could not believe it. Those bags are now worth 5p./cts.
As we all gathered at our nominal usual start time, which was now an hour earlier because of the clocks going back, and I was told, "This time yesterday it was not."
Padre was promoted to sanctimonious, stand in R.A, as Cumalot decided he was unable to fully participate in a Supermarket Trolley, half marathon training run, disguised as a Hash. As it happens Dirty Dingus only registered 13.8kms on his magic watch, but he did take a shortcut.
More of that later.
Supermarket Trolley did say the run was a tad longer than normal, (Whatever normal is. Ed.) But we had Dirty Dingus with us who usually does not get out of bed for any distance shorter than a Marathon. Well we would have done if he had not returned to his house as he left his running shoes behind.
Padre, therefore, decided that the run should still started on time. As we were leaving the car park Dirty Dingus sped into the car park, pulled a quick, handbrake slide into a parking space and he was leaping out of the car only 15 seconds behind.
(You probably needed a 15-minute head start, Ed.)
We start off through the village to give the locals and passing motorist something to talk about after seeing all the ghouls, skeletons, witches and just generally freaky people running / strolling up the main drag.
At the end of the village we turn into the open countryside, where nobody is watching, and we can take a breather from all that running stuff, except for Dirty Dingus who searches out the first false trail for us.
A gentle jog to the next fork in the road and Dirty Dingus decides to go off on his own trying to put in a few extra kms. The Pilchard, being ex military, follows orders and follows the trail, not the person in front, and we all follow his example.
I keep meaning to ask him if gun manuals have a trouble shooting section.
No Satisfaction was keeping close to one of the other military men, one Perpetual Motion, as she heard the hunters were out and about. That is her excuse and is sticking to it.
They were last seen diving for cover when they came across this guy.
A series of checks follow and I calculate we are sweeping a big arc. Next thing we know we are observing Dirty Dingus ahead, having cut the corner and about three quarters of a km. off the trail with his attempted long cut.
Next check and everyone goes the wrong way, except Padre because he knows these woods as well as Supermarket Trolley. This, as I was reliably informed, is where he used to go dogging when he lived nearby.
I realise some of you may not be familiar with this term, therefore just click on, "Dogging" in blue and all will be revealed, as it were.
"Dogging" (Warning; This site is only suitable if you do not have a nervous disposition. Ed.)
From here until the beer stop we stumble across a veritable multitude of tracks, all interconnected and all looking broadly similar.
This keeps the runners more or less together until about half a km. from the beer stop as told to Pasta In My Pants. P.I.M.P. He remembered this fact for over and hour. (See below.) The trail then took a broad semi circle, of about twenty minutes, to allow the Ladies Walking Brigade to catch up. And so we all arrived at the beer stop more or less at the same time.
A strange variety of subject as topics of conversation cropped up and it reminded me of this for some reason.
And now for something completely different...
Take a look at this.
From the beer stop it is just a 1 - 2 km gentle jog back to the start. The walkers are given a 10-minute start and we all arrive back almost together.
(See; The truth experts won't admit: Drink PREVENTS dementia, for the benefits of the Circle.)
The truth experts won't admit: Drink PREVENTS dementia
'A huge front-page headline on a paper read - "Give up all drink or risk dementia." A terrifying message to every drinker in Britain,' writes Tony Edwards.
View on www.dailymail.co.uk Preview by Yahoo
This was a hurried affair as we had to rush to the restaurant but we did have time for..................................
Hares; Supermarket Trolley and Farty Bum,
Farty Bum decided that she might get blamed for something and nominated for Shit of the Week and went into hiding up in the mountains somewhere. (Come back Julie Andrews all is forgiven, Ed.)
Supermarket Trolley refused to do her Down Down for her and therefore this will be held over to her next r*n.
Returners; Pasta in My Pants, Dirty Dingus, Jackie N.N., Supermarket Trolley.
Minnie Mouse impersonation; Mme. Mouton.
Leavers; Pasta in My Pants, Dirty Dingus, Jackie, Gorgeous Edna, Val N.N.
Mugless; Confusion, Long and Hard.
Entering into the Halloween spirit; Val N.N., Pasta in My Pants, Padre, Dirty Dingus, Supermarket Trolley, and finally Gorgeous Edna complete with Black nail polish.
Shit of the week, nominations; Dirty Dingus for rampant short cutting and Padre for telling Pasta in My Pants the Beer Stop was less than a km away when it took another twenty minutes to reach it.
His Defense was that as the crow flies and more importantly, on the map, it was about 500m and Supermarket Trolley confirmed this by saying it was much, much, more than that, whilst trying to keep a straight face.
Therefore, by the time honoured democratic process, Padre was duly crowned, "Shit of the Week."
Jackie N.N. informed Padre that the Irish "Phog Mo Hone" was in fact the equivalent of "Cheers," or "Bottoms Up."
However, years of Hashing experience has taught him that when in the circle and somebody's lips are moving, then generally they are lying. After the run he carried out some research and discovered it actually means, "Kiss My Ass."
She is lucky he did not have instant access to Google!!
So, she will henceforth be known as, "Poke My Hole."
Now, I hear you ask why, "Poke My Hole."
Well, it is all down to the illogical way, to the Non Irish speakers, the Irish language, when written, bears no resemblance to the pronunciation.
Aoibhinn, (You have no chance with this one, Ed.)
pronounced, EVEN, ???????? W.T.F.
Abhhaile, (Nearly as bad, Ed.) pronounced, AH WAL YEH
Siobhan, (You might even know this one as it is a girls name, Ed.) SHOVE AWN
And, the piece de resistance,
Suibheass Agus Siochan, pronounced, Sew iv ness Ahgus Shia khan. So, Phog Mo Hone it is.
With thanks to Phd. for the Irish lesson.
We are now chivvied along to the Pepperoni Restaurant to enjoy another sumptuous lunch with a delicious waitress, nine out of ten, and her nice buns, with Olive Oil. (Erase those lewd thoughts, Ed.).
Still not as good as this one though, the previous one in Italy.
I could not resist the temptation. Too good not to view again.
(Cut and pasted it from the last report. And will probably not be the last time either, Ed.)
Gorgeous Edna protested about the seating plan as he had Padre sitting next to him and insisted that Cums Quicker and he change places.
She was then sitting on his right hand, if you know what I mean.
He then spent nearly the whole meal turning to his left to speak to Padre at the end of the table. Something you said, Cums Quicker?
Who said, "Is it you that is far way, or me?"
And, "How many midgets are there in Romania?"
(The names have been changed to protect the guilty, Ed.)
Dear Supermarket Trolley
Thank you so much for the great Hash you organized yesterday ......really enjoyed the walk, beautiful surroundings and were we not blessed with the weather..?...
I really appreciated your kindness and consideration ensuring we (who unfortunately had knee injuries) were not too challenged or lost by the trail.....hooray we even at times were able to appreciate the scenery without slowing down.....well that would not have been hard says you as the pace was a snails one......
Your choice of restaurant was also very good. Lovely being able to sit outdoors.......Great company Pleasant staff and food ample also very good business acumen by owner not to charge for the extra quarter of wine. Delighted for you there was such a good turn out. Sure what a delightful way to spend a Sunday!!!!!!!
Even my beer christening turned out to be a plus ......we must market a beer shampoo as it really worked the curl in my hair ha ha thanks Padre. Take note all you curly haired people a Hash christening best way to increase curl......now trying to work out how to use beer as a conditioner without smelling like a brewery.....what an important conundrum to test my mental powers.
if you dont weaken.....
Thanks again Supermarket Trolley..... onwards and upwards. Poke My Hole (pronounced Phog Ma Hone xx .
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 802: NEXT HASH 8 - Nov
Kiwi Hash, Mandelieu-la-Napoule, Sunday, 8 November 2015
Hares: Iron Lady and 2FAB
Meet at: 10h00 for 10h30 trail start
ONON: On the port
email@example.com 0033634679445 / 0494058096
Riviera sunshine to welcome our UK & US visitors is assured by Cumalot, our RA. The co-hare will be flying in from Amsterdam. Biggles from Looe Liskeard H3 joined by Panty Remover & Short'n'Sassy from Dayton, Ohio are expected to keep Pedo, our beermeister occupied. And Iron Lady should perform a HAKA!!
The trail laying team will arrive in the area Thursday so the meal details may not be known before Saturday. Anyone anxious to have advance information about the location or menu can contact the hares.
Directions: Meeting place is the first car park on the right after crossing the mouth of the River Siagne on Avenue du General de Gaulle/D6098. If the Hotel Pullman, Cannes and Mandelieu Royal Casino are across the road you've located the car park.
From A8 take exit 40 - Mandelieu toward Mandelieu/Mandelieu-centre/La Napoule/Theoule-sur-Mer. Follow Blvd des Ecureuils & Avenue de la Mer/92 to D6098.
Check the local bus timetables if arriving from Cannes or Mandelieu.