RIVIERA HASH TRASH 800
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NEXT RUN N°801 25/10/2015
R*N REPORT N° 800 11/10/2015
50 Shades of Smut
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Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed
You all know about demand and supply, the effect that price can have on human behaviour. This run, we had a demonstration of hashonomics, which extends the concept to behavioural aspects of hashers. A particularly bizarre subset of human life, I'm sure you will agree.
Way back when, before Pilchard was getting amorous, Farty Bum had been busy tying red ribbons round old oak trees, railings and whatever she could lay her hands on to lay her last minute hash in Villeneuve Loubet. She was very proud of this new replacement for flour as ribbon weighs less. However, it is also less visible, not biodegradable and ribbons just don't work as circles or crosses for the checks. Consequently, the runners were slowed down effectively by regularly losing trail and this compensated for no checks whatsoever on the first half.
The hash is a close knit family and a good crowd of 20 or so rose to the occasion and joined Farty Bum for her hash. There were a sprinkling of returners but no Happy Ending, despite her promises to cum. So that rules her out as the object of Pilchard's desire in the restaurant. Farty Bum professed to be shocked by the number of runners, with Finnish Fly, Procul and Jobsworth back for the first time in a while. Her argument was that as there would only be one or two, they would not need checks. This is a pathetic excuse for replacing flour with red ribbons....
And so, with only a 10 minute delay to the start, the pack followed the red ribbons round Villeneuve Loubet's beautiful, errr, car parks. After a while, the trail led over the road and up a very steep slope that Lonely & Perpetch decided to use as proof that they can still run uphill. Other more sensible hashers were engaged in a fierce debate about the benefits of reversible air conditioning over radiators if you live in an apartment by the sea front in Antibes. After much deliberation, the consensus from Cumalot & Jobsworth was that Finnish Fly should install the air con. Unfortunately, she then made the fatal mistake of assuming that they know about car gearboxes as she needs to replace the one in her Audi TT. Fortunately this problem was also quickly solved by proposing that she steal the gearbox from Procul's Audi. Procul clearly didn't agree but he is still open to a change of mind.
Downhill was rather slow, especially if stuck behind Jobsworth on account of severe ankle breaking danger. Farty Bum, ever thoughtful, had decided that ribbons were not enough and carefully planted a poo stop (for Padre, that notable hash pooer), complete with a roll of toilet paper by a rocky bit of shade.
Poo stop over, it was back down to the bottom of the hill and the rest of the first half went in a blur of roads, tunnels under the RN7, bridges over the railway line and trails around Marina Baie des Anges. The pack managed to lose the trail here & elected to send Lonely back to find it as he looked like he needs the exercise. Fortunately Farty Bum was on hand to point us in the right direction down a beach boardwalk that Procul proudly announced he had designed (I think). The pack totally missed the beer stop & had to be pulled back from running the second half by Jobsworth & his insider knowledge.
The beer stop was the usual lethargic affair that had to be forced to an end by the RA. The second half was a novelty as there was actually some flour laid on the ground. And so the pack enjoyed a route past Farty Bum's house before returning to the beer stop and picking up the first check of the day by a bridge. From there it was a beautiful run up a new path by the River Cagnes, punctuated by ribbons lest anyone get confused by flour.
And then, and then...Farty Bum was insistent that there was an "optional runners' loop at the end". Jobsworth pointed out that it was the only bit of trail he had set (save the aforementioned check) and so he press ganged Perpetch and Pilchard to follow him down, errr, the totally wrong route as he had forgotten where the trail went. Fortunately Perpetch was more alert than Jobsworth and found the trail leading to a ridge above Villeneuve Loubet & back to the start. They turned around at one point to ask Pilchard if he was okay, but the red face & refusal to run said it all.
Two miscreants, namely Cumalot and Finnish Fly, ignored Jobsworth and elected to believe the hare's assertions that this was an optional loop. Boo hiss. They missed by far the best part of the run (Farty Bum - I did warn you about the power of the pen).
Back at the start, the walkers looked happy with their walk by the river. They were also hungry and we were running late, so the circle was a quick affair:
Hare: Farty Bum with a little help from Jobsworth for the last loop that Farty Bum still believes was optional but was a critical part of the run.
Rambling on about who knows what: Pedo
Returners: Finnish Fly, Procul, Semen Monster, Perpetch, Jobsworth, Mme Mooton, Fairy Plongeur
Return Visitors: Kitty (Mme Mooton's friend), Maryse (Long & Hard's sister)
Listening to Farty Bum's mis-instructions & not doing the wonderful last loop of the run: Cumalot & Finnish Fly
Shit of the week nominations:
Gorgeous Edna for proving that walkers have no common sense
Semen Monster for warning about the danger of catching Lyme disease from wearing shorts whilst wearing shorts herself
Farty Bum for totally cocking up the beer stop by leaving Pedo stranded there whilst she waited for him at the start rather than collecting him & bringing him back, as happens in every single hash since time immemorial
Pedo for putting the hash supplies in jeopardy by driving with bald tyres & risking a police control or worse
Given that Farty Bum tore up the whole hash rule book by setting a hash with ribbons, telling runners that the trail was optional and generally being appreciated for stepping in at the last minute, it was only fair to also ignore the tradition that the hare is exempt from SoW and so she won the award.
And so the circle closed and the assembled hashers minus Perpetch went down to the beach to enjoy a very sunny lunch, watch topless senior citizens play beach tennis and listen to Pilchard solicit hashettes for sex at incredibly low prices.
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 801: NEXT HASH 25 - Oct
Halloween Hash, Roquefort-les- Pins, Sunday, 25 October 2015
The Hares: Supermarket Trolley and Farty Bum
Meet at: 10h00 for 10h30 (don't forget to put your clocks back)
Contact hare: firstname.lastname@example.org 06 14 67 79 87
email@example.com 04 93 20 22 91 / 07 82 36 47 64
N.B. Neither Hare will be contactable by email over the weekend of the Hash
Come celebrate Halloween with us, fancy address is actively encouraged!
The hash meal will be at the Pepperoni Restaurant, where we have had two very successful meals there already this year. It is located in the newly developed centre of Roquefort-les-Pins, on a pretty square with outdoor seating (weather permitting). The owner is very amenable and welcoming!
Restaurant: Pepperoni: 77 Allée des Chênes, 06330 Roquefort-les-Pins
Euro 22 includes a starter, main meal of chicken or mushroom risotto, wine and coffee.
Email or call by Thursday, 22 October, with your choice of main meal, so we can confirm numbers with restaurant.
Directions: Meeting place is in the dirt car park 50 m from the restaurant parking (for down downs etc. we are not parking at the restaurant) in the cinema & centre culturel car park with a blue sign at the entrance. It is marked on the more detailed map below.
For the early birds amongst you, the restaurant will be open from 9h30, so there will be a chance for a coffee before the hash.