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NEXT RUN N°796 16/8/2015

R*N REPORT N° 795 2/8/2015
Red Whore

Worth Reading
50 Shades of Smut


Hash directions should go torhhh@yahoogroups.com

Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed

Never Cums

Run No.795

Well Riviera Hashers have got to be the seediest lot, pawning off the run report on a guest hasher hoping that his memory is better. Well, considering the amount of grey hair and bad eyes, the logic is not faulty. So, here we go...

Run 795, a shitty run to say the least. All started off poorly with what should have been a small park area according to the web instructions but turned out to be just the closest parking lot. Sadist and Lonely looked a little lost while Cumalot was doing his best in small circle to provide a clue to the 14 runners and walkers that managed to make the trip up the highlands. Just Amy and Just Evelyn, the virtuous virgins, were only slight confused, but at this point still smart enough to follow along and smile and nod.

Flour was thrown, and the hounds were off, leading the hares who only then realized that the trail they laid with flour on Saturday was dubious at best due to the first rains to hit Sospel in five weeks Saturday night... Fortunately the W's laid for the walkers were still evident throughout the first part of the run, which the runners followed and somehow still found the only real shiggy on trail, getting our feet wet early on the run. Squish.

From there, we made our way through the medieval streets of Sospel, raising the eyebrows of more than a few Sospelians to the smell of Ben-gay, calls of "On-on", whistles, and Padre's horn. We wrapped around, found the train tracks, a bridge, more than a few delicious local grapes, the beer stop/van, a mountain side, a chicken coop, a rocky trail, more streets, a shortcut to the On-home that a few of us unwisely chose to ignore (the walkers somehow knew to take it despite lacking a mark), a long-ass road, a bridge, and another long-ass road.

Surprisingly, everyone made it back to circle, and there was still some flour left. Fortunately the beer made it back too. A particular nice spot was chosen in the main park of Sospel and we circled up. Sadist and Lonely paid their penance for a particular shitty trail (really, it smelled like shit in a more than a few locations..) as well as their inability to secure water proof flour prior to laying trail (OK, I just added that in just now but damn it they should have thought of it).

Paedophil, Just Evelyn, Farty Bum, Perpetual Motion all bitched for down-downs for wearing hats in circle (ruling was made that a scarf is still a hat in circle despite it being hash origin). Paedophil then told a bad joke and drank. Perpetual Motion did a down-down for running through cross, and Farty Bum drank for not knowing what a bad joke was and generally lowering Hash standards. Paedophil and Just Evelyn then drank for sex on trail, then demonstrated it in the circle much to everyone's displeasure (fortunately Paedophil only lasted something like three seconds). Just Amy blinked and missed it.

Paedophil then drank because he normally does as this point and hadn't. Padre was persuaded to do a down down because he was being so quiet.Virgins, Just Amy and Just Evelyn, were sacrificed to the group (not much of a sacrifice by normal Hash standards, but they left with smiles on their faces). Then, as if hats weren't bad enough, some poor hashers still had the nerve to show up sans hash clothing. Supermarket Trolley, Paedophil, Madame Mooton, and Pilchard all paid the price. Madame Mooton also did not have the appropriate vessel and drank accordingly to the incessant serenading of Cumalot. They finally got around to the visiting Hasher who at this point was rather thirsty. Red Whore from Philadelphia was introduced and decided to introduce everyone to the Banana Dance. He subsequently drank a down-down, and I'm pretty sure everyone there decided that if anyone EVER suggested we do the Banana Dance again, that they would be tared and floured.

Red Whore, who was still humiliated by the Banana Dance, then challenged Padre for Shit of the Week. Padre told a bad joke while Red Whore actually attempted to bring his Virgin, Just Amy, in as SotW for her lack of enthusiasm over the past six months to cum to a hash (made sense at the time). Just Amy's smile won the crowd over, Padre was vindicated and Red Whore... well that poor sap assumed the position and drank at the caressing hands of Just Amy.

But wait, there's more. As Red Whore was back-peddling and trying to defend his rather baseless accusation, he did mention that it took Just Amy six months to cum. Many a woman cheered, and most men looked on sadly thinking of the work that that would entail. Needless to say, there was much excitement as enlightenment struck more than a few Hasher in the circle at that moment. So Just Amy's knees were dirtied, flour was thrown, beer was poured, and Just Amy ceased to exist. In her place was sitting a smiling hashing lass aptly named "Six months to cum".

Upon seeing this, a local gentleman of unknown age and considerably younger than a few of the hashers in the circle, wanted a name as well, or at least a glass of wine, and knelt in the center of the circle. Wine was given, and circle was concluded.

Almost everyone then made their way over to a local restaurant "Le Relais du Sel" where we all enjoyed some of the best hashing stories over the best food and drink Sospel had to offer. All in all a very memorable experience for this visiting hasher. We thoroughly enjoyed the trail, atmosphere, and hospitality of the Rivera Hash House Harriers. Thank you, and Six months to Cum and I look forward to our next visit.


Red Whore

Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
R*n 796: NEXT HASH 16 - Aug


The hash will be a little later than initially publicised. It will be 1100 for a 1130 start. This is 30 minutes later than the timings mentioned in my warning order. The reason is the restaurant does not want us there before 1430 hours.

Exit the A8 at Le Muy and take the D1555 in the direction of Draguignan. At the 3rd roundabout, about 2 kms from the péage, turn right on to the D54 and then almost immediately right again on the road to La Motte. Enter the village and cross the bridge over the River Nartuby and follow the one way system. You will see the Mediathèque on the left. Take a left at the roundabout in to the centre of the village and then almost immediately left again into the car park.

Lunch will be at Le P'tit Bohème. We will have the same meal, a mixed grill, as we had in May. 20 Euros per head including wine and coffee. If there are any vegetarians please let me know.

I need to know numbers by 1300 hours on Thursday as the chef must order the meat.


Perpetual Motion