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R*N REPORT 783 15/2/2015

Worth Reading
50 Shades of Smut


Hash directions should go torhhh@yahoogroups.com

Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed

Never Cums

Hash 783 - The non discovery hash

50 Shades of Mud or Rainless Running in Rivulets of Ribaldry
This is a non-anonymous run report, written by Cumalot. Not Padre, not Sadist (he wasn't there! - ed). Stop that ed nonsense!

No mystery scribe, no pastiche of other styles etc. etc.

There has to be ONE in the year.

Or does there?

Anyway, a pale looking Jobsworth, suffering a serious case of man-flu, greeted us in a slightly damp Parc de Valmasque but thankfully, the deluge that had been predicted, mercifully stayed away.

As RA, I take full credit for arranging that. Full credit.

We had a couple of visitors, though since Lonely is now technically a RHHH member so the only real visitor was Multiple Entry, GM of the the whole of Austria; well, at least the Hashy part. Both had been drawn to the Côte d'Azur by the winter sun.


Our French connection were out in force, Tosspot, SmellyPooh, Harley D and Al-NoName; obviously less bothered by a little dampness and mud than some of the Anglo Saxon wimps. Fartybum was virtually dancing with joy at having a fellow Canadian on the Hash in the form of Multiple Entry. They were soon seen conspiring to ban English being spoken in the circle and enforcing mandatory ice hockey for everyone.

Confusion had also returned, having migrated back from the tropical temperatures of Ireland to the cool Cote d'Azure with its 50 shades of grey clouds.

All assembled, we started only a little late due to Fartybum's rather keen sense of direction and timekeeping. Or lack of.

Jobsworth lulled us into a false sense of security by saying he'd had to cut the run short due to rain, illness and dog interference (dogging?). However, inspired the sado-masochism of recent film blockbuster/potboiler he still managed to set more false trails and fiendish checks than most totally fit Hares.

The trail started traditionally enough, following a 'circuit de sport' which contained what looked like the first set of all-weather BDSM equipment in France. But more of that later.

We then had a fairly easy saunter through the forest with some quite easy checks quickly found by your scribe today, Cumalot. The trail slowly became more devious, with an obvious falsie here, a less obvious falsie there and then a devilishly difficult trail though whips of brambles that cut us to ribbons and vines that handcuffed us to the landscape (hmmmmm).

We didn't know that Jobsworth had a sadistic streak but this soon became evident as he forced the pack to r*n along a pavement-less road then across a busy roundabout. Luckily the local drivers are so patient and careful and did not look like they wanted to run us down at all. With your scribe now tiring and it was left to Perpetch, Lonely and The Plichard to lead the way. However, your scribe (Cumalot) was therefore able to enjoy a threesome at the rear with Al NoName and SmellyPooh.

No doubt, the walkers would have laughed at the brambly-bloodletting and deadly road crossings but little did they know that Jobsworth had also laid a trap for them!

A certain part of the trail included a loop for runners, passing beehives, clambering under a fallen tree and sliding down a 45 degree slope, giving us the choice of running down with a good chance of landing on your arse (or head) or just sliding down on your arse from the top.

Guess which choice Al-NoName took...

While the runners are used to facing such challenges, having previously crossed raging torrents, climbed cliffs and run across scree slopes, the more genteel walkers, not so.

However, since they are more often equipped with poles, ropes, pitons, whips, cat'o ninetails (eh?) they had a good stab at it with Fartybum being dominant and taking the direct running route.

Confusion in Jobsworth’s trap about to be savaged by Wild Rottweiler.

Farty Bum leading the way down the mud slide.

Tosspot taking a more considered approach…

Hopefully they'll all enjoy the extreme base jumping on the next run.

We also collected a loose dog on the trail who followed us all the way to the beerstop. Pedro thought we’d found a loose woman so immediately took charge of taking its phone number.

So after many more opportunities for 'dogging in car parks' jokes came and went, we stared the mercifully short second half. The sting in the tail was that the Hare took us past all the outdoor bondage exercise equipment which was too tempting for the more juvenile Hashers to try out.

Having tried out all that I could, I was disappointed that Al NoName wouldn't join me in trying this one

Instead, she set off with a new burst of energy to be the first back in record time.

And now, in a new irregular 'Where's my wound' feature of the Trash, identify the following body part and its owner. Hint. Sadist wasn't there.

A circle followed and there were down-downs. FartyBum to supply list one day.

OnOn To St Maxime last week.


Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
R*n 784: NEXT HASH 14-Mar

I am finally replying with the hash details.

A map is attached of the pizza place Chez Panis in Place du marche, a car park is open near the pier a short walk away. It is walkable from from the car park also marked on the map attached. The beer stop is also marked on the map.

Fish hooks are only painful for masochistic FRB as the first few runner are sent to the back of the pack for being sinful. Checks will be circles of flour , 3 dots and you are on on, maybe!.

To book the pizza place I will know numbers of people or we can just wing it as there are many restaurants around.

A 13:00 start would give people time to drive here after a lazy Sunday start. Is that ok.
The run is in France so I don't think it counts as an away hash. If you go to the MKH3 website an away has is available on Monday. Sorry.

Any questions please ask or I won't reply ;-)

Look forward to seeing you all again.

On On