RIVIERA HASH TRASH 780
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Long & Hard and Iron Lady
R*N REPORT 780
50 Shades of Smut
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Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed
Wot no shiggy?
Padre. Noted purveyor of shiggy, brambles and runs through dense forests that never deviate by more than 100 metres from the start point.
PHD. A far more fragrant sort, who would surely never entice hashers to hash through such madness.
Who is the winner of this contest between the hares? Come to Montauroux, folks, to find out.
And so they came, in big numbers. But one was missing - Jessie the dog. No, not humping black male Jessie but innocent puppy blonde Jessie, who stayed at home after hearing horror stories about the destruction caused by Padre's shiggy.
However, there were a number of returners and by far the most welcome of these was stalwart Harley D, back and looking good after her health issues. It was really great to see you, Harley D, and looking forward to seeing lots more of you in the coming months.
Bisous over, Padre stated that the walkers' trail was exactly 4.23577km long and that the runners would simply be the same plus an extra loop. To prove the point, he started the walkers up the hill, whilst the runners ran a loop around Montauroux before joining the walkers. New year, new Padre?
The runners wove in and out of the walkers and it was at around this point that Jobsworth clearly upset Prestressed with his inane banter as Prestressed spat his teeth out in anger and lost the titanium part that keeps them in his mouth. Several km of running later and Prestressed remained sans teeth. Big new year dental bill coming up there.
Another welcome returner was Sadist, who has been out of action for a while due to unconfirmed health problems. Some say it was syphilis from hashing in the Middle East. Others say it was ebola from hashing in Sierra Leone. All we know is that Sadist is back and once again putting the other runners to shame.
Talking of running styles, Cumalot retains his Duracell bunny sprinting, with a marked deterioration when the batteries run out. Pilchard, on the other hand, insists that he cannot run fast due to arthritis in his third leg (or something like that) yet he still seems to be ahead of the pack. Not checking falsies as an explanation, maybe?
Meanwhile, the assorted canine hashers were keeping themselves entertained. The Jack Russels, led by Dyson, wove in & under the feet of the human hashers whilst the bigger dogs were, unusually, quite well behaved for once.
Memories of the run are blurred, largely because the trail kept cutting in & out on itself thanks to Padre's desire to never be more than 10 metres from the start at any time. However, the hares deviated from the script at one point by sending runners & walkers down a steep bank, through brambles (I have the scars to prove it) and stumbling on to an old Roman canal, complete with Roman bath and Roman canal tunnel. The historians among the hashers dated these Roman ruins to about 1732.
The hares had flummoxed us at these ancient ruins as there was no trail. Perpetch braved running through the tunnel. He never found the light at the other end, though he claims that he had a good discussion with Lord Lucan whilst there. Cumalot ran up the far bank, but nothing...finally, PHD took pity on the pack and led us back up from whence we came to show her flour dispenser, suggesting that it gave a clue to the trail leading off from nowhere near the check.
This flagrant violation of the Marquis of Gisbert hash laying rules was soon forgotten as we ran along the old canal side to a welcome sign - Beer.
The beer stop brought another welcome sight in the form of returner Anne Laure, who we have not seen for months or, more exactly, since she took an extreme mud challenge in Aix en Provence. Anne Laure had called Pedo 3 times on her phone as she was a little late to the start and he only answered with a curt "get down to the beer stop". So she did - and missed the first half in the process.
The beer stop found hungry hashers nibbling on roast chicken crisps and desperate alcoholic hashers (notably those whose Ramadan starts on 26th December without fail, Padre), guzzled what Duchess of Cambridge called "Irish Grappa" and what, in reality, tasted like illegal hooch from Prohibition America..or am I being unfair?
Beer stop over, the runners had a gentle second half, punctuated by a tour of both the outside and inside of a building site. Thanks for that hares! After that, it was uphill to the car park, with Pilchard proving that his claims for disability benefit are fraudulent by racing back to be the first FRB home.
Circle time and as I don't have the list of down downs you will have to make them up.
However, I do remember:
Hares PHD and Padre for organising a great 8km run in glorious sunshine
Returners - too many to mention except for the aforementioned Harley D and Anne Laure
Virgins - there were a number
Mugless - surprisingly few
Misdemeanours - far too many to mention
Shit of the week - Pedo was a strong contender for leading Anne Laure astray and forcing her to wait for him, alone, in a desolate car park. However, Iron Lady came from nowhere to win the accolade. And so she did.
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 781: NEXT HASH 18-Jan
Directions for Hash Sunday 18th January 2015
Meet at 10.00 for 10.30am for start
Hash start is on the Robinson public carpark by the Siagne River, Avenue de la Mer
How to get there:
If you are travelling along the sea road from 'Cannes' towards 'La Napoule'
just before reaching Pullman Hotel on left, watch for roundabout over the Robinson Plage. Take first turn right passing the entrance to the Riou carpark. You will be on Avenue de la mer that parallels the Siagne River on your left and on your right 'The Old Golf Course - Cannes-Mandelieu'. Watch on left for the entry into the Robinson public carpark.
Alternatively take the Mandelieu-La Napoule exit 4o off the A8
and follow Avenue de Cannes, direction La Napoule. Pass under the bridge and at first roundabout 'Carrefour de l'Espace' turn left into Avenue de la Mer. Just after crossing the Siagne River turn right and continue on Avenue de la Mer. Watch on right for the entry into the second car park.
Long & Hard has arranged with the l'Orchidée a Mandelieu ALL YOU CAN EAT (3 courses - cold/hot & desert). The price of €21 a person includes ¼ wine & coffee.
Long & Hard mobile 0682 69 0217
Iron Lady mobile 0634 67 9445
Look forward to welcoming all members & newcomers to their trail to explore together river banks, marinas, golfing paradise, forested hills with superb views, sandy shorelines & naturally a middle-age style chateau.