RIVIERA HASH TRASH 753
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Levrette & No Grappa
R*N REPORT 753
50 Shades of Smut
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A Welcome in the Hillsides
Hares : Padre and P.H.D.
After 40 days and 40 nights of rain, the Earth renewed and only Hashers spared the deluge, the Hash returned to the spiritual home of Dylan Thomas, St, Paul en Forêt for the first St. David's day run of the year.
Well known Welsh rare-bit hare-bit P.H.D. was absent presumed lost on the trail.
Many of the group had decorated themselves with Welsh emblems such as daffodils, leeks and attractive looking sheep; even Padre revealed his inner Taff though the limp looking spring onion sized leek pinned to his chest showed a certain lack of enthusiasm by the group's token pure bred Englishman.
NB a pure bred Englishman is typically a Franco-Danish-German-Indian-Celt.
This motley mob was eyed suspiciously by the natives, perhaps they had and inkling of was was to come during the later baptism....
The run started promptly, it was a Padre Hash after all! but.... Horror of horrors, the local anti-hash tendency had laid a false arrow at the start leading the FRBs, Cumalot, Perpetch and Cums Quicker, up the wrong trail.
Veteran Hasher Jobsworth was not so easily fooled and let the majority round the village on the correct trail.
Order was soon restored by a frantically whistling Padre and the runners and walkers crossed paths many times in an intricate and intertwined trail leading though iconic hash territory such as building sites and graveyards as well as the spectacular countryside.
The FRBs Undergrowth and Cums Quicker soon left the older runners behind but the Hare's cunningly set trail kept walkers and runners fairly close together.
The beerstop was a jolly affair with new members Fabi and Anne-Lore being well looked after/groomed by Perpetch.
The second half took the runners around the edge of the lake and nature trail giving spectacular views of the countryside.
The circle was a quiet, understated affair until it was time for EricNN to be named. Allegedly, he had been heard loudly bemoaning the Beer Master's failure to procure peanuts so 'No Nuts' was born. However, being a feisty Colonial Commoner, No Nuts stripped to his underwear and started abusing the authority of the RA. Not only that, he abused second RA Padre who was attempting to show Cumalot for the 100th time, how to name a Hasher correctly.
No Nuts interrupted the ceremony by shouting "Religious Asshole" so many times causing the ceremony to be restarted, almost two bags of flour and several beers were deposited on his head, making it unnecessary if not impossible, to wash his hair for quite a while.
No Nuts was so keen to prove that he was not named for the obvious reason, that he stripped off entirely, if it hadn't been quite a cold day, some of the locals watching could have been very offended.
The excellent restaurant not only served us (see run report 755) but seated us next to a picture window (and as far as possible from the locals) giving superb view of the forêt part of St. Paul and to Fayence beyond.
They also force fed us charcuterie, wine, duck, wine, coffee and wine. Wine was also served.
Nobody really missed dessert except one nameless Hariette who ordered her own but will remain nameless as I've forgotten Dire Rear's name.
Happy Ending and crew turned up just as the first course was being delivered doing nothing for her reputation for blonde timekeeping and direction following.
Hares: Padre with some help (the previous week) from PhD
St David's Day: Pedo, Perpetch, Levrette, Padre, Cumalot, Undergrowth
Not Booking: Tosspot and Dire Rear
Fete de Grandmere: Confusion, Idyl, Farty Bum
Birthday: Idyl, Undergrowth
Baldies (for some unexplained reason Contessa proposed that the bald men in the circle should be down-downed): Pedo, Coco, Jobsworth
Farty Bum then proposeded that Sadist be given a down-down for his full head of hair, but the RA did not deem this worthy of a down down.
For coming back a second time: Al and Faby, our new runners (and we hope they will come a third time after being somewhat horrified witnesses of the naming ceremony).
Levrette for disrespecting the RA. It was a team effort this week... See below.
**** and now a second opinion on the naming of No Nuts ****
BAPTISM: These down-downs are pretty dull, but the naming ceremony livened things up. Eric complained about the lack of nuts at the beer stop, so it was proposed that he should be named No Nuts, as "Levrette and No Nuts" makes a nice combination for a husband and wife.
First he stripped down to his underpants, which no one has ever done in the circle before (as far as this reporter can recall and in spite of a rather chilly breeze).
When Padre intoned, "In my capacity as religious advisor I hearby declare....", No Nuts shouted "You mean Religious Asshole!"
This happened again and again. Every time Padre said the words "Religious Advisor", No Nuts would shout, "You mean Religious Asshole!" Then he would get another half-liter of flour poured over his head, plus another bottle of beer, and Padre would try again to say his lines and No Nuts would again shout, "You mean Religious Asshole!", and more flour would be ground into his hair, and more beer, and the two French girls, Al and Faby, would turn another shade of white, and clutch each other tighter, and look more horrified, and then Padre stepped up and poured a whole bag of cement, I mean flour over No Nuts' head, and STILL he would not shut up and be respectful. Never before has the hash witnessed such a baptism, with such a scrappy, provocative, bull-headed, no-brained, impossible inductee.
And to think that Sadist cast this guy as a corpse in the Christmas play !!!
And then, before he put his clothes back on, he even took off his underpants to shake the flour out of them, while Levrette tried to hide him behind a blanket, but she wasn't holding it correctly and we all saw him stark naked !!!
Kudos to No Nuts!
AWAY WEEKEND 16 - 19 May 2014
16 - 18 May. Usual Format
19 May. Optional Bike Hash
5-7 September, Dublin Away Weekend
Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
To see what world hash events are coming up, check out this website:
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 754: NEXT HASH 16-Mar