RIVIERA HASH TRASH 749
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R*N REPORT 749
50 Shades of Smut
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Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed
Hares; Wet Spot and Perpetual Motion.
Has anybody noticed that our Hares were not actually who they said they were.
The proof is below.
Sam the Eagle Perpetual Motion
Wet Spot Cool Dude
Scribe Harry Carey.
And A Hashy New Year to all my Readers.
May your year be devoid of false trails and you find the succor of the remote Beer Stop a pleasure in the wilderness of life.
Now, apparently Mme. Mouton is "Disgusted ", with the picture of a tomato that was posted in a recent run report. She intimated she would be writing a stiff letter of protest to somebody who would act upon her distress, but as she was unable to locate anybody with any sense of responsibility, or admit to it, she said she would keep her stiff one to herself.
So, to placate her and calm the emotional upheaval regarding the picture of vegetarian food I have found an image of some meat.
One for all the native English speakers;
"Never let them tell you that size isn't important. My aunt told me that, but then all my new wallpaper fell off."
Welcome to the first run of 2014. Christmas seems so long ago now. Did you notice how children are not so much interested in the toy as the box they came in.
Which is weird as I feel much the same way about children.
When I went to bed Saturday night it was extremely wet and windy and I thought to myself, I would not like to be a Hare this weekend. Then my mind turned to other matters between the sheets.
However, when you have two experienced hares, with nothing to divert their attention and no temptations in bed with them, unless you count the remains of last nights Chinese take away, (Were they in the same bed then? Ed.) then getting up early in the morning to set the trail holds no terrors for them.
And so it proved.
No so for the pack though. The wimps wimped out with a variety of lame excuses. But those that turned up, eventually, (Fairy Plunger making iit just in time to miss the start and was waiting for us at the end.) after they had deciphered the confusing directions, were pleasantly surprised with the clear, blue skies, awaiting and good running conditions. That is if you ignore the wind.
The New-ish Religious Adviser, Cumalot, had obviously been trained well, stopping the rain for a dry Hash, and the with the aid of the mobile phone, started the run bang on time, even though the trail was laid early in the morning and finished just in time with the Hare away delivering the Beer Master to the Beer Stop.
Off we all go, walkers and runners together. Well, for the first minute that is. The walkers are soon left behind..
I for one was pleased we did not have to ford the river.
See the sky is blue and it is a wonderful day, all you disbelieving wimps!
At the first check all go the same way except for Sadist who guesses wrong. Mind you so do the others.
A good stretch out up the hill and then into the back country with multiple checks keeping the small pack together. It was about here that Wet Spot caught us up concerned we would not be able to find our way.
Oh, yea of little faith.
Padre dropped a juicy snippet into the conversation when he said he was getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. Jobsworth asked how he could tell them apart and Padre said it was easy as her brother had a mustache.
Next it was around the back of the village exploring all the wonders of the ancient architecture. Medieval watercourses, watermills, ancient farm houses and the village water source.
We did not know where Sadist was as he disappeared to go off exploring on his own. We head back into the town and he magically appears from somewhere that only he knows.
Then it is in and out of the house we go, all the way to the tower at the top of the hill .
The walkers missed the joys of the ascent and exploring all the little rat runs between the houses.
Even more blue sky but the trail was convoluted and needed much concentration by the four runners, so no time to look and admire until we reached the beer stop. There was an interesting piece of ancient military warfare on display and, as Perpetual Motion was around a the time, and given his military back ground, we inquired as to what it was. We were met with the succinct reply, "How the ****** should I know.
And so the intellectual conversation continued.
Overhear, I am going to a fancy dress party later, what I could wear to attract the birds." Paedophil "Go as a loaf of bread."
Beer Stop over and the run back in took us out to the by pass where flour was used sparingly, which kept the pack together as we all spent ages looking for it, running back and forth, convinced we had lost trail.
It was here that Wet Spot was most welcomed because, as a Hare, if the runners lose trail, protocol demands that the Hare blames the other Hare for his, or her, lack of efficiency in the flour laying department. And so it proved. But he did at least have a general idea of where the trail was likely to go.
A bit of a bumble around and then it was through the shopping centre and onto the dual carriage way for a ten minute run in.
This is where we noticed just how strong the wind was.
The careful planning of the Hares ensured that, just as we were at our most tired, we were in the most exposed location with the wind blowing straight down the road into our faces.
Jobsworth and Padre were observed ,competitively running, fighting to run behind Cumalot to use him as as windbreak.
The runners arriving back about 10 minutes before the walkers. So, expert timing there by the Hare. PPPPPPP
While waiting Paedophil let out his terrible secret when said, "It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I've turned myself around and that's what it's all about". (Another native English joke. Ed)
Down Downs were awarded to;
HARES: Wetspot and Perpetch
(AKA Sam the eagle and Cool Dude. Ed)
RETURNERS: Sex Club, Farty Bum
MUGLESS: Long & Hard, Paedophil
LACK OF TUNNEL: Wet Spot
LATECUMMER (SEARCHING FOR TUNNEL): Fairy Plunger
EARLYCUMMER (SEARCHING FOR TUNNEL): Paedophil
(This reminds us of the Aesop's Fable about the man who blew on his hands to warm them, and then on his soup to cool it, and the satyr ran away, saying he wanted nothing to do with a man who could blow hot and cold with the same breath, (Sounds like a woman to me. Ed.). In the hash we can be early or late searching for the same tunnel.)
(No running away though.Ed.)
TAKING UP TOO MUCH PARKING SPACE: Jobsworth (passionately argued by Iron Lady, but RA did not consider it worthy of a down down, so Jobsworth went unpunished)
NEW MEMBER: Sex Club
BIRTHDAY: Sex Club
IN HONOUR OF DEATH OF PHIL EVERLY: PaedoPHIL
SHIT OF WEEK:
Iron Lady for spillage (and splashing people) at the beer stop while holding a beer between her legs so that it looked like she was pissing. And for Passionately Arguing .
Wetspot for cancelling run # 745 on November 24th from the Netherlands, without the authority to cancel hashes, and for spillage -- clumsily knocking over two beers in the circle while protesting his innocence over cancelling run # 745.
Winner: By the democratic say so of the R.A.Iron lady
Circle over and into Le Muy for a wonderful meal at the restaurant where the toilets are so big that I have seen smaller studio flats.,.
This is the second time we have used this place and the food was just as good on the previous occasion.
Future Hares in this area may like to keep this in mind.
Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
To see what world hash events are coming up, check out this website:
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 751: NEXT HASH 19-Jan
Some river & railway crossings for the runners. Views of red rocks, vineyards & fields to be explored by all. Still searching for the mined fields promised by the GM. Don't be disappointed if we all return to the starting point without being blown up enroute.
TIME: 10 am for a 10:30 start
WHERE: The ESPACE VICTOR HUGO car park,
Puget sur Argens centre ville, between the N7 & the tourist office.
From the A8, whether travelling west (direction Marseille) or east (direction Nice) take the #37 exit, Puget s/Argens/Frejus west).
Follow directions for centre ville (town center). Currently signposted with large yellow DEVIATION signs. First right off roundabout, keep in right lane, right to 2nd junction & another turn right. Pass cemetery on right, cross overpass & follow indications for tourist office - it's a left turn at downtown junction. The tourist office will be on left just before the Municipal Police. You'll be facing a fountain with water spurting from the mouths of the four decorative faces. Entry to car park is just behind this roundabout.
Within walking distance or choose to move your car to car park next to the Porsche salon. Wok & buffet with vietnam, japonese & thai specialities. All you can eat for 16.90 euro plus drinks. Reason for the early start is to maximize our eating time to replace our lost calories.
Please contact the hare Iron Lady
email: firstname.lastname@example.org or mobile: 0634679445