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Never Cums

Run no. 748

Hares; Mme. Mouton and Sadist,

Venue; Gattieres

Scribe Allegedly; Padre

I am accused of writing run reports when I do not, so I figured I might as well admit that Padre might have had some input into this load of rubbish;

In keeping with Jobsworth's tradition of inserting photographs and pictures of fruit, which Mme Mouton found to bad taste, (See run report 746. Ed.) accusing Padre of being the perpetrator, I have decided to follow his example.

Those of a nervous disposition look away now.

I bought my Christmas decorations today and the assistant asked if I was putting them up myself.
What sort of kinky sex does she think I have then?

Mme Mouton spent the last week mulling over her wine, cooking mince pies and checking that Sadist had not Goosed the cook.

Cumalot welcomed the, "Hard Core", to the run.
(Whatever did he mean? Ed.)
A select band of usual suspects graced the car park
awaiting a Sadist masterpiece.
A bright-ish day up above the clouds to run on the shortest day of the year. Let us hope the run is the shortest of the year also, given that we were surrounded by surplus up. (Didn't you notice the hare was Sadist? Ed.)
The start was delayed for the not too spurious reason the pies and wine were not finished in time.
Those of you that stayed away do not know what you missed. Or maybe you do and that is why you stayed away.
Our intrepid band sped out of the car park into the village led by Cums Quicker to the first check. One or two of the old hands recognised this as Sadist's, "run in", the last time he set a trail here. So the correct path was easily found. (Hint, it was up.)
Same at the next check, up, where Cums Quicker made a disparaging remark to Padre as she ran past him and accused him of being a runner. See Down Downs below. However, Sadist did not earn his name for no reason and when we ran out of, "up", to search then the only logical direction had to be down.
And so it proved. A full pretzel and we are back at the start with the pedestrian amblers way out in front.
It was at this point Padre commented that when he gets home he is going to rip his girlfriend's Panties off.
He said the elastic was cutting in and hurting him.

The next few checks were in a downward direction, although a game of double bluff was going on here, with Sadist convincingly intimating the correct way was up. And to obey the first law of hashing; never check down.
How do you know if a Hare is lying?
His lips are moving.

And a statistic to worry you.
25% of women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That is scary because it means the other 75% are running around untreated.
I digress.
Eventually we catch on and realise the beer stop is going to be in Paedophil's shop in the Carrefour complex.
Pleased to say that Sadist had mercy upon us and the beer stop arrived after about 40 minutes. However, he alludes somebody had rubbed out some of his trail and we missed out a longish loop but, as we all arrived at the beer stop together, walkers and runners, then the timing was spot on.

Whilst we were in the circle the conversation turned to Christmas presents and somebody mentioned an old Hasher of ours currently living in Asia who got himself a Penis enlarger. She is 21 and her name is Lucy!

I love this time of the year.
When the Misses walks into the room I can slam the laptop closed and she thinks I am looking at 'Xmas presents for her.

Beer stop over and Grandad Paedophil is convinced that if has to play with his grandson he needs to improve his stamina and so he decides to walk the second half with Coco and Long and Hard.
If walking is so good for you why do you never see old postmen?
Perpetual Motion is way out in front and happily running the wrong way up the road but is so far ahead he can not hear us trying to call him back.
Cumalot decides to do some bonding with his son Undergrowth and they walk together whilst one of them gets their breath back and Cums Quicker is sprinting on ahead, up the hill! At the next check she waits for Padre and being a kind considerate person figures the real trail goes to the left but decides to check, "up", with Cums Quicker to give the others time to catch up.
Mission accomplished and the whole pack is back together as the assault on the summit back to the start commences.
A series of nasty, sneaky loops, as Sadist keeps appearing in front of us, just after we have run past him, which keeps him chuckling to himself as he gleefully lives up to his name.
The runners all return to the car park about the same time with Cums Quicker and Undergrowth indulging in some competitive running, soon to be followed by Long and Hard.

Paedophil finally graces us with his presence and is swiftly taken back to the beer stop to collect his car full of supplies and the circle commences.
Looks as if his grandson is going to be playing on his own a lot unless Granddad's stamina rapidly improves.

Down Down awarded to;
Hares; Mme Mouton and Sadist
100 Run (Run ? Ed.) Mug Mme Mouton.
Nerd of the Year; Perpetual Motion.
( He was heard complaining that he had not missed a run all year)
Competitive Running; Undergrowth and Cums Quicker. She has now agreed to enter the Nice 10 mile Rock and Roll event along with the other Hashers.
See Padre for details if you feel a New Years resolution coming on.)
Birthdays; Mme Mouton and Jesus
Lack of manners; Paedophil
Coco and Long and hard?????????? can not read Cumalot's notes.

Shit of the Week nomination; Cums Quicker, accusing Padre of being a runner. Motion carried unanimously

and administered by Undergrowth who promptly received a lesson on how to do it correctly from Padre. See photos attached.

We then retired to the local restaurant for a traditional Daube and Gnocchi with dessert wine and coffee.
The food kept coming as long as we were eating.
Good food and good value.
Paedophil then lowered the tone by saying the reason he was not at work today was because he was asked to stay away. Apparently you do not need to measure the inside leg when selling knickers. Although he insists you do, to ensure the correct fit.
It was at this point he suddenly jumped up complaining of cramp.
Poetic justice?
Can anybody answer the question...........
Why can't women put mascara on with their mouth closed?
And finally, one for Mme. Mouton.
Remember, Christmas presents do not always have batteries!


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R*n 749: NEXT HASH 5-Jan

The next Hash will be held Sunday Jan 5 in Les Arc sur Argens. Time: 10:30 for 11:00am start.
Good Run set out. First of the Year has to be good!

Directions: easiest ever! Get on the A8. Travel toward Marseille. Get off at exit 36 (Draguignan, San Tropez, and as luck would have it, Les Arcs. From the A8 exit, go about 1/2k to a sign on the left saying Les Arcs. This is the N7. Follow this for about 7 Km. You will go through a tunnel, and when you see Hotel Aurelia on your left, and immediately cross a bridge, get in the left-hand lane and pull into the area of a little park just over the bridge on the left.

Lunch afterwards will be at Le Jonqheer in Le Muy (near the exit home). Details later.

If anyone is interested getting brownie points, I would appreciate a walking hare. Preferably, come early Sunday morning to set the trail. Otherwise, we'll see what happens!

If you are willing and interested call me at 0498-102082.

See you on Sunday!