RIVIERA HASH TRASH 729
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R*N REPORT 729
Frank Appraisal WALKERS' REPORT 729
50 Shades of Smut
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The Big One. X 3
For all the Brits. as Sid Waddle would say,
"Onnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeee Hhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuunnnnnddddddddrrrrrrrrreeeeeedddddd and Eeeeeiiiiiigggggghhhhhhttttttyyyyyy".
It is at the two minute mark.
Now for the run report proper; by Frank Appraisal
Run Number 729 Largo Bin Laden Bint Farty Bum
So it came to pass that on the occasion of Farty Bum's big 60 birthday celebrations, one tenth of the population of her home town, Pilot Mound, descended on a sleepy, Italian village, tucked away up in the hills with a population slightly larger than her home town. (Town? Ed.)
After whizzing around southern Europe a few days R and R were needed before the trip back across the pond, said Farty Bum. And so it came to pass that the tourists were taken up the valley, to the foothills which were many times higher than anything back home. Here, in the hotel Largo Bin, a sadistic ritual similar to feeding the foie grasse geese was undertaken on the Saturday evening. The advance party of Canadians and a few enthusiastic, gastronomes from the Riviera Hash indulged in a pre hash warm up.
I found these particularly tasty.
Photo: Those are my FAVORITE cupcakes! - So delicious and yummy! :-)
Polyandra with her Canadian husband, Robert decided that an early night was to be eschewed. However, their staying powers are waning and left the bar early with the last few remaining guests at about 0300hrs.
Not before a few gems were unveiled.
I do not need Google, the wife knows everything? Or treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner. If she stops sucking, replace the bag. or......All marriages are happy. It is the living together afterwards that causes the problem.
Sunday dawned bright and clear, the dinning area bustling with eager anticipation of the Hash to come. Sadist and Padre did not like to dissipate their misplaced enthusiasm with their inside knowledge having Hashed in the area a few times previously.
At the appointed hour the deputy, assistant R.A., Cumalot, brought the assembled morass into some sort of order to welcome the visitors, issue the instructions and ask Farty Bum if there was any thing important we needed to know.
Once Farty Bum started to tell us all about a school in Pilot Mound 50 years, or so, ago, there was no containing the pent up emotion. All the runners sudden took off, across the road and up the slight incline opposite the hotel.
Cums Quicker, head down, arms pumping, maneuvering to the front of the pack. However, as mentioned earlier, there were a few experienced Hashers who were quite content to let her show us her athletic prowess as we knew what was to come. The last time in the area the run finished here but with the hard descent. Hard because it was wet and slippery and particularly hard in Cumalot case as he did quite a few metres on his ass.
To come was a six minute slog up, followed by more up and then, just as the last corner was rounded, a further section of some really steep up.
We then had a small regroup as we wandered around the contour, taking in the wonderful scenery with Padre singing along like Mary Poppins. It was then we descend into the village and look for the trail. A loop out, through the top end behind the houses and a signposted trail stating the next destination was two hours away.
The Hares wouldn't do that to us, would they?
No they did not. Instead it was a cunning trek up beside a fast flowing river. Perpetual Motion went leaping on ahead but it was just so beautiful that a regroup was called to allow the slower runners to catch up. Cums Quicker was some way back by now.Teh Heh.
A gaggle formed down by the side of the river near a calm section where eager participation of the refreshing, chemical free liquid took place. Just as we were about to move off a hot and bothered Perpetual Motion returned stating that he had just run two long false trails.
We all thanked him for his devotion to duty and began the descent to look for the real trail. Another devious but entertaining loop and we find we are on the walkers trail with just a short run in to the beer stop.
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
After a suitable refreshment interlude Farty Bum announced something about the second half. Anybody know what?
The runners gave the walkers a good head start before starting off towards the village. The walkers were caught up just as we reached the single file section but Prestressed was not deterred as he accelerated past, on the outside, straight through a village Petanque game.
See Down Downs for further information.
The contents of the beer car were deposited on a lawned area in the car park and we relaxed whilst Cumalot prepared for his big chance to star as the Religious Advisor.
Down Downs awarded, but not exclusively to;
Hares; Farty Bum and Virgin Mouth.
Birthdays; Farty Bum, Janice, Maureen, Big Sixty and Virgin Mouth. I will not divulge.
According to Prestressed whilst they were in Greece Skinny Ah So was mistaken for a Greek Goddess.
1. Aphrodite - Greek Goddess of Love
Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of beauty, love, and sexuality. She is sometimes known as the Cyprian because there was a cult center of Aphrodite on Cyprus. Aphrodite is the mother of the god of love, Eros. She is the wife of the ugliest of the gods, Hephaestus.
Thank you for your nomination Hephaestus.
Getting lost on the way to the venue; Fairy Plunger, Flasher, James and Christie (And this is in spite of Farty Bum publishing an A5 paper full of detailed instructions) Gorgeous Edna; ejected by the bouncers for trying to gatecrash a posh wedding wearing a pair of shorts.
I would like to see them try and eject Contessa by the bouncers. Returners; Cums Quicker, Supermarket Trolley, Pablo, Peter, Flasher, Val N.N., Gorgeous Edna
100 Runs Jangle Balls Congratulation on coming 100 times.
Visitors; T.T., Flasher,
Virgins; Ken, Arthur, Maureen, Janice, Joanne, Brigo.
Sorry we missed Maureen for a special Down Down with her body hugging Lycra outfit.
Apparently she had been in training for this event.
The fit body did not go unnoticed so all the effort was worth it, even if you were not rewarded with your Down Down.
Shit of the Week;
Peter, competitive running.
Prestressed, running through the Petanque court.
Farty Bum, Dereliction of duty and telling her baby brother on his birthday that now he was six he had to wash the dishes.
He has been emotionally scarred ever since.
I want to appologise to anyone I have not offended Please be patient, I will get to you later, if not in this report then in another one.
And now to the food.
Hasta la Pasta baby.
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
Women are like spaghetti.
They both squirm when you eat them.
The lunch started with an appetiser and the food just kept coming; Three home made servings of Ham, Brawn, Dried Tomatoes, Rucola salad with mushroom flan.
Tagliatelle with game gravy.
Ravioli stuffed with mince and butter with sage leaves.
It was here I started to suffer with premature satiation.
Veal Shoulder with vegetables.
Copious amounts of wine to wash it all down.
Then the dancing.............
So much so that Fairy Plunger was actually observed dancing with his wife !
Gorgeous Edna retired hurt saying Val had worn him out.
Long and Hard started by dancing with the waiter, then on a chair, progressed to the table and ended up lap dancing with the local, hot and steamy, Italian Gigolo.
All thanks to Farty Bum subsidising the meal for club members.
And would you believe it but Seamen Monster actually had some extra food secreted to eat afterwards.
During the meal Perpetual Motion thanked Farty Bum for all her efforts and presented her with a gift from the Hash and also gave cards to the other birthday girls.
He also noticed that a few of the animals on the wall represented some of the animals at the table.
There was the Gazelle likened to himself.
The Bore (Boar) which could only be Padre The Antelope which was Supermarket Trolley a few more which I have forgotten then the climax the Ferret with its Bum in the air, Skinny Ah So.
When a man says he will do something, he will.
There is no need to remind him every six months.
Was it Padre's last gesture before departure into the wide blue yonder? Or was it the nationwide Canadian prayer meetings ordered by Farty Bum's crowd? Whoever or whatever was responsible for the gorgeous weather, it got us all off to the brilliant start of yet another memorable hash, in more ways than one yes, Long & Hard, this means you!!!
Onward & upward we climbed, till the thoughtless lack of oxygen masks got the better of Janice (one of the FOUR beautiful 60th birthday babes celebrated at this hash Farty Bum, Virgin Mouth, Janice and Maureen), who tiptoed past us all, going in the wrong direction (she was, not us!) having decided to opt for cappuccino in a local café instead of what looked to be a challenging hash. I was tempted to join her, but resisted bravely a rash decision immediately regretted as we panted still further up and up, only to level out onto a long, winding path so narrow that one foot wrong and it would have been curtains (or drapes, if you're Canadian?). In other words, a hashy trail made in Heaven, fitting for a place called Nirvana (er, Nirvina)!
No need to be clairvoyant to imagine what that pair of young lovers -- cosily entwined on a bedlike boulder that formed part of the bank of the raging river, and just metres from a picturesque waterfall -- thought of 40-odd sweaty hashers tramping and grunting by, above their heads. Hard to imagine a more romantic spot ruined for all eternity!
And what views!, what a village!, what flowers!, what colours!, what waterfalls!, what gushing mountain streams!, what quirky architecture!, what sweet-smelling profusions of jasmine!, what beautiful veggies being grown in perfectly-kept gardens!, what friendly furries (cats, not inhabitants) I guess you get the picture, and there are photos to prove it, (which I hope some kind soul will post to enhance this meagre walkers' report!).
I'll leave the writer of the runners' report to list all the down-downs, too numerous to remember, or could it be that I was too champagned by then to take them in?
I will pass over the meal at the Lago Bin, not worth mentioning -- and certainly not worth 35 (or even 25 euros, thanks to a very generous FB)! But, there again, I/we don't go for the food, but for what comes afterwards -- THE DANCING of course, (what else!!!).
ROCHETTA NIRVINA, you are definitely NIRVANA! WE LOVE YOU AND WE WILL BE BACK!!!
Lundy Island 9-11 August 2013
Run 736 18 August 2013
UK Nash Hash 23-26 August 2013
Corsica 2013. 25th-29th September
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Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 730: NEXT HASH 26-May
Come and explore part of the Esterel that we have not visited in living memory, with a very pleasant trail that incorporates a beautiful lake and mountain scenery, followed by an OnIn at a great local eatery with views over the Esterel.
Hares: Georgeous Edna (06 5861 7938) and Prestressed (06 2813 6759)
Time: *10h15 for 10h45 Sunday 26 May*
Location: Lac de l'Avellan, Foret Communale de Frejus, Les Adrets.
From A8 Autoroute
1. Exit Junction 39 and left on D837, direction Les Adrets de l'Esterel.
2. After 2.3km, roundabout, keep right to Les Adrets on D237.
3. Follow this road for 2.4km through Les Adrets.
4. T-Junction, right onto DN7, direction Frejus.
5. After 3km, fork right off main road, where there is a sign Foret Communale de Frejus.
*As this junction is easy to overshoot, just after a bend, look out for 107km stone on the right, and the junction is 250m further on.*
6. After 100m, pass raised barrier and T-junction right.
7. Follow road downhill for 1.8km to parking and Hash start.
From Mandelieu DN7
Exit Mandelieu, direction Frejus, and after approximately 11km, ignore D237 to right to Les Adrets, and follow instructions from 5. above.
OnIn: Restaurant l'Esterel, Les Adrets l'Eglise, Tel: 04 9440 9775 (Take D237 through Les Adrets and at the roundabout turn right to Les Adrets l 'Eglise. After 1.7km, restaurant is on right opposite church. Parking behind the church)
Price: $20 per head for a 3 course meal including 1/4 of wine.
*To help with catering, please e-mail email@example.com, by Friday 24 May, if you plan to partake of the meal.*