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Farty Bum

Jobsworth WALKERS' REPORT 728
Contessa & Farty Bum

Worth Reading
50 Shades of Smut


Hash directions should go torhhh@yahoogroups.com

Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed

Never Cums

A Sadistic climb to bark with a Diva

Many moons ago (no, not as in mooning at passers by) I used to drive a lot between Milan and Genoa. There was a McDo ad on the side of the autostrada advertising your favourite junk food in 7 minutes. No matter how fast I drove (and, believe me, the promise of fast food made me drive very fast), the best time I made to my date with a dead cow was 12 minutes. Why recount this story with you, dear reader? Well, Wuff Diva had given the driving time from Nice to San Remo as 1 hour. Being the believing type, I had forgotten to add the extra "Italian" factor and arrived late. I can only imagine that everyone else was on time because they set out early and not, errrrr, because they cut it fine like me.

Fortunately, Sadist spotted latecummers Cumalot & Jobsworth & guided them on to trail. The pack was a mere 500 metres ahead, but with a catch - they were also about 500 metres higher due to the near vertical climb at the start of the trail. Sadist kindly informed us that this was the most difficult part of the trail. He was lying as at least this part was on road.

Having caught up with the pack (sort of), there was no time to catch our breath or even marvel at the beautiful San Remo scenery (yes, even in the grey cloud & rain) as it was onwards & upwards. Time for Sadist's helpful hint no.2..."don't worry, we won't be climbing to the top of the mountain". Didn't feel like that to me! The trail went ever up but on narrower & narrower paths.

On we went, with the front runners easy to spot as they were forever setting off baying from the local dogs. This was complemented by the addition to the pack of virgin Christy & her dog as well as Wuff Diva's new pooch. Eventually the hare foxed us with a sneaky "FT style" check. Padre called the pack back after running through a cross that was not a cross & off we set in totally the wrong direction. Eventually we found the correct trail, though Padre spent the rest of the hash insisting that he was right all along. He protesteth too much, me thinks! More likely is that there was a painting of Jesus by the check &, this being a Sunday morning in catholic Italy, he guided the pack on their way.

The trail kept going up & provided many an ankle breaking opportunity until Sadist announced that the beer stop was 5 minutes away. This being Italy, 5 minutes turned out to be 15.....even his 90 second warning was hopelessly optimistic.

However, the runners were in for a delight at the beer stop. Firstly because we were greeted by Wuff Diva's wonderful mum who laid on a wonderful spread of focaccia, focaccia al formaggio, local olives & much more and secondly because the walkers were not there, so we could scoff the lot before they arrived!

The beer stop was chez Wuff Diva, a lovely house with breathtaking views but - yep, you've guessed it - on top of the mountain! Eventually some walkers turned up but others only arrived as the beer stop ended as they had got lost & had returned to the start & then recommenced on the road, rather than on trail......only the walkers, eh!

The beer stop included a guided tour of "chez Wuff Diva" and then it was time for the second half. The runners met Tosspot & others walking up the hill having got lost. Tosspot greeted us with the universal gesture of love - the middle finger in the air & a greeting of "allez vous faire foutre" or something similar. We could not understand what had upset this normally affable hasher until we ran down the road & realised that it was vertical!

Fortunately, having gained so much altitude on the first half, the second was mainly downhill, though the hares fooled us early on by sending us on a loop that brought us up again before starting the descent. How we laughed at this little joke!
Here's something about this hash; we were not able to run much on the first half as it was so steep and set on difficult terrain. But the second half was little better as the descent was also too steep to run on as well. No pleasing some people......

The good news of this hash was that the rain very kindly held off for most of the day & only made its real appearance during the circle. The walkers came back in dribs & drabs & said circle was held in the gardens below a lovely Italian church.

Note from the circle are sketchy, so in time honoured tradition I will make them up as I go along.

Hares - Wuff Diva & Sadist
Excellent help & catering - Mama Diva
Contessa for something or other, the notable part of which was that it won her a shit of the week nomination
Cumalot for being press ganged into being temporary RA as Padre disappears to sunny England for a while (well, it can't be less sunny than the Cote d'Azur this year!)
Virgins Christy, James & their dog (apologies if I got your names wrong - no offence intended!)
And now it was time for a naming. American Jennifer (as opposed to Canadian Jennifer) had come to the attention of Padre for Hispanic reasons & he proposed to name her "Gringa". Assembled hashers decided to pervert this into something more notable and she will from this day onwards be known as "Levrier", another French sexual position to complement the fabled Lyon number plate (think about it!)
I trust that Levrier will return as her baptism used more beer & flour than has ever been seen before or, likely, since!
Naming over it was time for shit of the week. Contessa was up against Padre and, ummm, somebody else. Being the egalitarians we are, we ignored Padre's exhortations to give it to Contessa so that he could enjoy another beer.

Circle over, Farty Bum made a short (45 minute) announcement about the next hash, which will be held in Ventimiglia and will celebrate her 60th birthday. Let's give her a good one!

Finally, with the rain pouring down, we thanked the hares and Wuff Diva's mum for a great day's exercise and went on to the local Italian restaurant for some great Italian food to re-energise.


Walkers' Reports 728

Contessa's Walkers' Report here.

More photos can be seen here
Away Weekends
More Info.

Lundy Island 9-11 August 2013
Details here.

Run 736 18 August 2013
Details here.

UK Nash Hash 23-26 August 2013
Details here.

Corsica 2013. 25th-29th September
Details here.

Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
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Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

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R*n 729: NEXT HASH 12-May

60th Birthday Hash for Farty Bum, Janice and Maureen (and 59th for Virgin Mouth).

Sunday 12 May 2013 at the Lago Bin hotel in Rocchetta Nervina, just north of Ventigmilia.

Start time: 10:00 for 10:30.

This will make a few people grumble but we're doing it anyway because last year everyone was happy, remember, when we made an early start, and the earlier we start, the earlier we arrive at the eating and dancing.

The hotel has said they will provide a room where people can shower if they want to clean up after the run.

The hotel would like to have the numbers by Friday night.

If interested in being there for the Saturday night dinner and dancing, also let Sadist know.
(FB out of town for a few days.)
So far Padre, Sadist, Wetspot, Visitor TT, Fairy Plunger, Flash Walter, Sneaky Bastard, Jingle Balls, Farty Bum, Virgin Mouth and the Canadians have reserved for Saturday night.

Hope to see you there!


Approximately one hour by autoroute from Villeneuve Loubet.

From Villeneuve there are 3 péages, I think - one 1.50, one 2.30, and one at Ventigmilia 2.40. Farther west from Villeneuve I don't know - I think there is one for 2.80 at Antibes and I don't know about any others -- sorry.

Exit Autoroute at Ventigmilia. (Exit at the far right, because all the other barriers are péages to continue on the autoroute.)

As you exit, you take a ticket. Follow direction "Ventigmilia", and after a couple of turns you find yourself at a barrier where you hand in your ticket and pay 2.40. Continue direction Ventigmila - the route sweeps all around the delta for what seems like ages, but eventually you find yourself approaching the town.

Follow direction "Ventigmilia Centre - San Remo". You will be going down a commercial street. You come to an intersection with no indication. Virgin Mouth says you can go either left or right, but left is quicker. So go left. Another commercial street with shops.

After a bit you will see a MacDonald's ahead on the right, and beyond the MacDonald's you will see the road rising to become a bridge / overpass. Drive up here.

Once you are on the overpass you discover it is longer than it looked, because it curves to the left. You will see a cathedral that looks at first to be on the right because of the curve of the overpass, but as the overpass curves back again, you will see that the cathedral is actually on the left.

Coming off the overpass you arrive at a small roundabout beside the cathedral and a statue of the Virgin Mary. Turn left, past the Virgin Mary, direction COMPOROSSO - DOLCEACQUA.
Go straight down this road for about 8 km, passing through Comporosso and Dolceacqua.

Eventually you will see ahead of you a wall of blue indication signs. The road you are on curves to the right at these signs, but you will be turning sharp left, because one of these blue signs says ROCHETTA NERVINA with the arrow pointing left.

You will be driving uphill for about 3 kms. There is one intersection with the opportunity to go left, but don't take it - keep to the right.

You will arrive at the Hotel Lago Bin (just round the bend from a 3 km sign, according to Contessa's directions from last year). There is a parking lot on the right, at the bottom of the hotel. If you miss the turn into this parking, there is also a long strip for angle parking just AFTER the hotel. You can turn around at this strip and go back to the parking lot (unless all the places are taken), or you can park here and walk back to the parking.

The run will start from the parking lot.

ATTENTION: When you go back home after the hash, the approach to the autoroute at Ventigmilia is extremely long and complicated, winding all over the delta for ages before you get to the péage.
Just follow the NIZZA signs. Remember that the Autoroute signs are BLUE in France but GREEN in Italy, so follow the GREEN NIZZA signs.

The Sunday dinner after the run is is 25 euros but anyone who finds this out of reach, please get in touch with FB.

Her friends have come over from Canada especially to party with the hash, and she would like them to meet as many of you as possible.