RIVIERA HASH TRASH 720
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50 Shades of Smut
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Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
Sometimes, when I look at the assembled Hashers, I say to myself, " I should have taken up Bell-ringing."
Padre (Queen of the Hash)
And the reference to "Queen", is not what you think. If you ask some of the original Hashers they will explain why Loup Loup and Pansy gave him that epithet.
Arriving early, as my passenger is an unusual type of French Woman, we are at the meet point 45 minutes before the official start time. Can you believe it? I state a time and she is always ready AND she is French. However, we were not the first to arrive, beaten by those three dashing Musketeers, or should that be Must get hers, Fairy Plunger, Sneaky Bastard and The Duchess, That is; Porthos, Athos, and Aramis, not to forget yours truly, D'Artagnan the young handsome one.
(Everything is relative, Ed.)
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor.. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
Sorry my mind wandered a bit there.
As the start time approached Sadist wandered into the gathering and was promptly set upon to collect the run fees as Farty Bum was A.W.O.L. and did not find a stand in. Her, "Shit of the Week", nomination is being held over until her return, unless of course she has done a runner with the €27 in Hash funds.
At five minutes to go Padre asked Paedophil to give out any special instructions, normally this is done with one minute to go but, as Paedophil always talks a load of rubbish before we start, we need to wind him up early.
However, our Succubus telephoned to say she was going to be late arriving and therefore Paedophil was expected to talk more rubbish than usual but no, what happens, he dries up. It is a pity you cannot take a photograph of such a rare event.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
He has a slight speech impediment. Every now and then Paedophil stops to breathe.
Off we go as the clock strikes, with Toss Pot jumping up and down, in true Mediterranean fashion, as there is a problem with the eating arrangements. Padre being his usual, "Pain In The Ass", insists it is time and leads the runners out, just as Jennifer N.N. arrives, onto the trail.
What trail ?
No flour to be seen!
Paedophil comes up with some feeble excuse about some hail stones the day before and escorts us to the first check after much to and fro-ing by the front runners. Little did we know that the first 45 minutes were to follow the same pattern.
Chucker will certainly remember his last run with us as he ran a half marathon, oscillating the pathways between the last known flour and the tracks leading away from the car park.
Somehow Prestressed and Sadist managed to find the right trail and made it to the beer stop early.
(This is because they were the back markers and Paedophil short cutted with them. Ed)
Eventually a decision was needed to be made, either go back to the start where Cumalot had a car full of beer, or try to find the walkers trail.
As we had Jen. N.N. making her first solo run we did not want to give her the wrong impression and so bowed to peer pressure and found the walkers trail.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
The secret of a good run is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
Arriving at the beer stop we find the walkers ready to go.
(First time ever? Ed.)
It was here, with pleasure, we welcomed two returners in the shape of Darling and Sweetheart. Sweetheart eventually giving in to the relentless pressure to run the second half as long as she had accompaniment to prevent her getting lost .
Beer stop over and into the second half.
As we went up the hill Sweetheart started to struggle a little which I put down to the fact that she did not have the benefit of the first half warm up. Biggles slowed down to accompany her to the top of the incline where she then sped up and left the chivalrous Biggles behind and joined the other ladies (Ladies? Ed.) Jen. N.N. and Jennifer N.N. for some serious lady talk. A little later I found out she is a ringer, having previously run marathons. She obviously enjoyed seeing the other runners struggle during the second half and took out a family membership to witness further discomfort in future weeks.
All safely back at the beginning and circle time.
I do not have a full list, so I apologise for any missed.
Hares; Tosspot and Paedophil
Groundhog Day; Americans, Jen.N.N., Jennifer N.N. Contessa, No Grappa and Darling. Returners;Biggles, Prestressed, Skinny Ah So, Dancing Scrubber, Serge, Too Cheeky, Gregory, Sweetheart and Darling.
Birthday; Billy Elliot
Leavers; Chucker. Good luck and see you on another Hash somewhere, someday.
6Nations Losers; Simon - Scottish, Paedophil - Welsh.
Sneaky Bastard suggested that the Italians have one also as a preemptive strike.
Now we know the result he is also in line for a S.O.T.W. award next time.
Well done Italy. Six nations champions?
Volunteering to write the run report; Simon N.N.
Confusion, handing out biscuits to all and sundry and not giving one to Padre.
Billy Elliot, kicking over all the beer.
Paedophil and Cumalot, lacking in the 7 p's department and the fact that Cumalot wanted a beer.
The winner by a huge majority............
Paedophil with the award administered by Sweetheart.
It was then off to The Source for a scrummy lunch.
The price may be higher now they are under new ownership but the food is better.
Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of Humus and Taramasalata.
You might say it is a double dip recession.
Spoilt for choice, we could have two deserts also.
One provided by The Source and the other by Jennifer N.N. in celebration for Billy's 9th. Birthday.
An elderly Hasher, no names mentioned here, goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 65 years old,' he says.
'65!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says Paedophil, 'How much do I owe you?'
Here is the story of a bucolic winter day ...
Already the miracle happened, because after a Saturday tormented clouds, thunder and hail, which was for our surprise in the morning to discover a bright sun and blue sky devoid of clouds ... the weather being our side, what more could we ask for a pleasant and cheerful day.
Meeting point was given at the edge of the forest, little we're late to the gavering , we were soon ready to start for our hike. Well, almost everyone was, because what disorder had struck our volunteer organizer Tosspot, we will never know, the fact is that we had to wait a good ten minutes at the foot of the hill so that he sort's his organization out. Reservation for our lunch grub sorted, phone found, we had to warm up again, what ever, it would have required more energy to demotivate us ... the march began after of course given a few jibes to our little dizzy secretary!!!
The walk was very pleasant, not to many up hills, rather flat surfaces, well shaded, groups tight together, the conversations were well ongoing , allowing us to have a good pace and arrive at the "Beer-stop" without to much hard work.
But then, these rogue's of Pedo Tosspot and had planned to make us deserve the drink, saying blatantly that the place was dry yesterday, they made us cross a river to get to the the Holy Grail. At the risk of our lives (or at least risking our dry feet ) we crossed with strength and courage torrent of water uninterrupted men stretched their hands and a chivalrous gesture muscular and virile these ladies brought back the other side of the river, where the long awaited refueling waiting for us . We just waited for the runners, the rain must of erase the signs on the ground, someone suggested the idea hanging a barrel of rum around they're necks in case of a loss in the woods ....
After this well deserved rest, the return was greeted with a good climb but the rest was smooth. So much, that we find ourselves at starting point without too much notice.
We all arrived about the same time. We made a circle, each received its baptism, some more than others ... we even want little Billy's birthday!
More than to look restore human (implying more or less according to each job) and we took the road to the restaurant
25th Anniversary 16-17 March 2013 Details here.
UK Nash Hash 23-26 August 2013Details here.
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R*n 721 &: NEXT HASH 17-Feb
Old town, Nice.
Important......... Carnival has started and there is the Rock and Roll 10 mile race in the morning. Expect problems and allow more time. Start time, British time keeping!
There should be street entertainment and music left over from the mornings racing.
Cathedral in the Old Town.
(Cathedrale Sainte Reparate at Place Rosetti) can't miss it, big building with a cross on top.
Suggestion; park in the suburbs and Tram it in. €1 on tram is cheaper than city centre parking.
It has its own Tram stop. Easy to find.