RIVIERA HASH TRASH 719
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Run Report 719
Hares Cumalot, Undergrowth and Pablo.
Catering Never Cums and Cums Qwicker.



This year I put all my Christmas decorations up myself.
Now I'm at the hospital trying to get them all taken out.
(Somebody explain that one to Farty Bum !)

I do not know how many of you have been following the British news where a big scandal has broken due to large percentages of horse meat being found in the Beef Burgers so I shall warn you there will be a few references to this contained in the report.

Jobsworth was not on the Hash having been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco.
His condition is said to be stable.


Oops, I am supposed to be writing a run report here.
We met at the appointed hour, in the appointed car park, but the appointed weather was not in attendance. It seems as if the Religious Advisor is not fulfilling his duties as the rain switched on and off continually before, during and after the run . A multitude of colourful wet weather gear was adorning the wimps on the walkers trail and our Mediterranean runner swathed himself with copious amounts of plastic bags to prevent the rain reaching his body. However, one can imagine him sweating so much, under all that plastic that he was probably wetter than a goldfish in a shower.
The Brits just got on with it. (As usual)

So they have found a Horse burger in Tesco.
Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.


A car park full of restless Hashers chomping at the bit ( Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night....I still have a bit between my teeth) as the start time passed and Perpetual Motion was keeping everyone standing around, getting cold and wet waiting for three, antisocial, late comers. Eventually we set off five minutes late with the walkers splitting from the runners trail at the exit to the car park. Padre, fresh from his sick bed said he was still in better condition than the walkers and decided to walk the runners trail. Nobody from the dead and dying group wanted to avail themselves of his invitation to join him.

At the first check, walkers off to the left with some of the runners, No Satisfaction decides to go to the right towards the woods and Padre marches straight on up the hill.
Up the trail goes with all the runners slowly overtaking Padre until the next check where the sheep follow each other up the hill. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains ?
Padre decides that as the walkers are below he would take a parallel route along the contour. At the next check we are all back together again.
Having lost the walkers trail the runners assume they are all together once more. And so it proved, only until Coco managed to go off and do his own thing somewhere through the village. Very pretty it was too. We have run in this area many times but it was the first time we have been around the back of the ancient, solid stone houses. From here it was up the hill with many a false trail off to the left and to the right. I Like Your Boobs continually leading the virgin Jen.N.N the wrong way. I think Tidal Dave and he were having a competition to see who could find the most crosses.
Padre kept up the steady tortoise pace and let the runners practice their obscenities as they frequently passed him. Coco did not say anything as he was the last to overtake near the top. But a look says a thousand words. Two longish falsies which enabled Padre to once more become the front runner (walker) as the lemmings all followed Sadist as he led them a merry dance, finding trails with no flour. A gentle sweep down the backside of the hill with the large villas many with horses in their winter paddocks. I wonder if they are bound for Tescos ?

The waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger.
So I had a £5 each way bet !

Tesco Quarter Pounders:
The affordable way to buy your daughter the pony that she's always wanted!

Hope these horse jokes don't go on furlong


Where was I ?
Oh yes, large villas with horses...........
Down the road to the main thoroughfare which we crossed and entered into a cul de sac. One or two runners baulked at this, thinking it a cunning plan.
But no, at the bottom was a tiny rat run off to the left through the woods.
A check at the bottom which is where a beer stop was located on a previous Hash, (If you ask Farty Bum she will tell you which number that was.) but the runners could now see the walkers ahead and so began the macho ascent not daring to walk whilst in sight of the walkers. Then into the beer stop, all runners, then some walkers, then Padre and then the remaining sloths from the L.W.B.
Expert timing here by the Hare then !

The rain abated just long enough to enjoy the vegetarian chips without them getting soggy, ample refreshments, a beer or two and then the rain started again, so we set off for the second half. Padre carrying the trash bag full of empties, hoping to find a bin on the way- unfortunately the trail entered the bush - no hope for a poubelle round here. Where did you ecologically dump the trash Padre?
A split as the runners leap off in one direction and the walkers take the trail at right angles. At the next check I am just in time to see Sadist and Padre way up the hill to my right and Perpetual Motion coming towards me. I figure he must have found another cross. He sure is doing well today.
Runners and Walkers then join up, at the rear of I.B.M., and meander up the hill with stunning views through the mist, over the plan de Var.

Here comes another one.........
Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of uniquorn.
And another............
Anyone want a burger from Tesco? yay or neigh?


At the main road all the runners regroup in the dry of the bus shelter which is a complete waste of time as they are all soaking wet by now anyway.
The runners then take a loop away from home and down through the woods, well, all except Sadist as this is where he loses the trail completely and ambles off in the other direction for a gentle stroll with the L.W.B., to the end, which is not where it usually is, (At the start) and they wonder where the others are as they scratch around confused like headless chickens.
Meanwhile, back in the woods, the gentleman, I like Your Boobs waits for Jen N.N. assuming she is lost or struggling but she was otherwise engaged in the bushes.
Being a virgin we decided not to mention this.

A cow walks into a bar. Barman says 'why the long face?'
Cow says 'Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!'


The runners then have a longish run in, stretching the legs. Some missed the trail and ended up back at the start with the walkers but the more cerebral find the finish and help themselves to the refreshment.
This delayed the circle somewhat.

Circle presided over by the Stand-In R.A. Perpetual Motion as the usual R.A. was suffering and unable to raise his voice without coughing.
Hares: Cumalot and Undergrowth and Pablo.
Looking like a fisherman's friend with the Newfoundland sou'wester rain hat, plus a bunch of garbage about pictures on Canadian bank notes: Farty Bum
Link relating to garbage here;
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-19325268
Asian looking woman $100 note.
Whoever said it was garbage should be given a Down Down !

Flour vandals: Undergrowth and Pablo
Shortcutting without being aware he was shortcutting: Sadist
Mugless: Sadist, Padre, Sneaky Bastard (because the run ended at Cumalot's house, rather than the parking lot where the mugs were)
Sexy short green kilt: MacCoco
Returners plus very late cummers: No Grappa and So Pure Sabine.
Visitor: I Like Your Boobs, lately from Washington DCH3 , now from Montpelier (terminal hashing since 1979)
Virgins: Eric (Pseudo American, ) Jen N.N., Simon (Scottish) and Cécelia (French) .

Shit-of-the-Week: Sneaky Bastard for being mugless last run and stealing Paedophil's mug so Paedophil received the Down Down instead.
Administered by Jen No Name ( not to be confused with Jennifer "The Cougar" No Name).

I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.
These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit.
Talk about flogging a dead.. NO! NO NO NO!


Then it was a mad stampede to get to the food.
Once again the walkers put Usain Bolt to shame with the speed they reached the feeding trough.
We now have another tame Jockenese, the virgin Simon who expertly delivered the address to the haggis and stuck the knife in to ensure it was dead before it was shared around.
A big kiss to all the catering staff for a wonderful celebration of Robbie Burns birthday.
XX
And many small kisses for all those helping out in the kitchen.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thank you all.

Said to Cums Qwicker, "These Tesco burgers given me the trots!"
To beef or not to beef? That is equestrian !

That, I promise is the last one.

And now for something completely different...........
the Canadians screwed more than once with their new bank notes.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-21093230 Wrong maple leaf.


Away Weekends
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25th Anniversary 16-17 March 2013 Details here.

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R*n 720 &: NEXT HASH 3-Feb

we will be meeting at 10.30 for an 11.00 start.

meeting at mougins I think, just follow directions and try not to get lost, especially the ladies !!!

INSTRUCTIONS

From Nice exit A8 Antibes, take D 35 direction "CANNES,VALLAURIS,GRASSE,SOPHIA ANTIPOLIS", pass under a bridge and try not to get photographed by the police radar by driving at, or under the approved speed limit which is probably about 15 kph or something like that.
keep going on the D103 or route de la parc as it's normally called, until you get to the big roundabout "carrefour des bouillides", here you take a left direction D98 mougins, pass under the bridge and at the next round about turn back and park on your right.

From Var exit A8 Cannes Mougins, direction Grasse on " la penetrante Cannes Grasse", take exit Mougins St Basile, follow D3 direction Valbonne, at the roundabout after the gendarmerie, take the D98 on your right direction Antibes, go through or across , for the ladies, three roundabouts,and park on the right before the bridge.

The usual gastronomic delight wil be provided by the " AUBERGE DE LA SOURCE" where for the very reasonable price of 20€ you can enjoy :

Tourte aux champignons

Filet de Perche or Ballotine de volaille

Tarte aux poires

1 bouteille de vin pour 4 personnes

The restaurant needs to know who will be there and what they would like to eat so please call tospot or myself before Wednesday to let us know, or you might end up going hungry on sunday!!!!

TEL: tosspot 0628271500 pedo 0614763823