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Walkers REPORT
Farty Bum

Worth Reading
50 Shades of Smut


Hash directions should go torhhh@yahoogroups.com

Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed

Never Cums

Supermarket Trolley and Confusion stack the shelves in Sophias

Following the directions to anywhere in Sophia Antipolis is a problem for anyone who has not invested 10 years trying to find their way around it. Most people designing a business park would opt for a simple grid system and leave the engineers to work out the up and down bits. Indeed the village of Valbonne a couple of kilometres away was laid out on a grid system so it is not exactly a new idea, but then someone thought that it would be nicer to follow the contours nature and chance have created. Yes it is quite fun driving round Sophia : there are lots of fast windy roads and roundabouts to keep you attentive but it is a nightmare if you do want to find somewhere specific. No doubt many foreign investors thought that perhaps if you couldn't find your R&D facility in the South of France it would be a good idea to go somewhere else. But once you get to the hash starting point the countryside is good hashing territory so we continue to hash in Sophia and have late starts.

What can I say for the run report after that bit of whingeing? As usual Cumalot dashed to the front and lead for the first few hundred metres before he adopted a more pedestrian pace. Supermarket Trolley had laid a trail along the roads for a fair distance until we came to the first check. Perpetual Motion crossed the road into the bush following flour but came back declaring a falsie. More flour was found in the rough grass by Sadist and Perpetch and again this lead to discovering that these too were false trails. Of course the hare had just set the trail along the road. And the roads all seemed to be going uphill. Somehow we met the walkers coming the other way which didn't seem right but the hare said it was the right trail for the runners. Then after a long stretch Super T thought that the pack was getting too strung out so she left it to Perpetch, Padre and Sadist to do the full trail and she would give a short cut to the rest. This meant that the course for the non-FRBs worked out at 10k as measured by Jobsworth, and at several more kilometres for the FRBs.

Not all the trail was on roads, we did get into the countryside, not much wildlife was seen: there was Dyson marking the territory at frequent intervals and although these days there are rumours of wolves, wildcats, lynxes and pumas roaming the wild, none was noticed. Rather the reverse, definitely no Canadian felines, as there were frequent cries of "I am not a Cougar" from an unnamed female source. It may be best to leave it to your imagination as to what caused this.It was suggested that this "unnamed female" be given the hash name "Courting Cox" (Cougar, Courtney Cox starred in Cougar Town as a cougar) but the idea was poo pooed = ed.

The beer stop was at a familiar place; Farty Bum being the temporary Beermeister in the absence of Pedophil.

Congratulations on the efficient service. After the Beerstop it should have been an easy run back to the start (again lead by Cumalot ) but there was a tough zigzag climb I cannot recall from previous hashes and at the top there was a bus stop where the walkers had gathered- though Confusion said the bus would not arrive until Monday. So a run along the road back to the start.

When all the flock were in, Padre gave a few down-downs in the circle to:

Confusion and Supermarket Trolley- the hares
Wetspot, Whoresin, RubberMaid, Saddle Sniffer, Prestressed, Fly Me, Smelly Poo, Angel of Death- returners
Jobsworth- for volunteering
Sadist- for a Take-In sh*t at McDonalds rather than a Take-Out one
Whoresin, Madame Mouton, Sadist- for no mugs
Meri, Jeff and Ante- Virgins
Dire Rear, Contessa, CMorePussy- ?3 Graces'- for St Catherine's day
And finally the Sh*t of the Week nominations:
Madame Mouton- for delaying the start
Confusion- for confusing trail markings
And the winner- Prestressed - for abusing a guest.

OnOnOn was at a revamped La Source close by.


The weather forecast was rain for Friday, rain for Saturday and rain for Sunday, so Supermarket Trolley was a bit stressed about her trail. But it turned out to be sunny all three days. Great!

Supermarket Trolley was also stressed about who would be her co-hare, as Confusion had been in Ireland for six weeks, and no one knew when she was coming back. But Confusion came back. Great!

And Supermarket Trolley was stressed about her restaurant, as the proprietors were being extremely strict about numbers and deadlines. Pedo had gone off to London, leaving Farty Bum in charge of the beer. Not so great.

Supermarket Trolley phoned FB several times to remind her that she must arrive with the beer BEFORE 10:30 or the run would be late starting, and therefore would be late ending, and the circle would then be late (starting and ending), and consequently we would arrive late at the restaurant, and all hell would break loose.

Farty Bum and Virgin Mouth showed up with the beer just after 10 o'clock. Excellent! Hard to believe, but true! They found the hares sitting on the curb drinking coffee from a thermos.

Supermarket Trolley ran off to get her colour-coded list of reservations for the restaurant (yellow for fish, pink for chicken, blue for children). She explained that she had printed the list at work and, fearing her employers or co-workers might see it and think she belonged to some sort of naughty club, had listed only a few people under their full hash names (Perpetual Motion, Jobsworth) while others were listed under real names (Lynne, Andrea), partial hash names ("C More", "Sneaky") or initials (FB). Glancing down the list I noted with some surprise that "Jon Electric Dickie" had been deemed safe to write out in full, but not "Undergrowth", who was down as "Henry".

A good crowd showed up for this run, including many returners. Jennifer No Name and young Ian were back for the first time since about May, while other returners were Wetspot, Electric Dickie, Smelly Pooh, Whore's In/Oars In, and Fly Me. Even Prestressed has come so rarely lately that he was greeted like a long lost returner.

Then Cumalot and Cumskwicker had done a very fine thing by inviting to the run their Australian friends Jeff and Meri and 6-year-old son Anté. And Undergrowth had had the brilliant idea of inviting his classmate Pablo. Why didn't he think of this years ago? So we had four boys between 6 and 14 at this run, which brought down the average age of the assembled hashers by a whopping 47 years. Unfortunately, the female youth side was not so well represented, because Lazy Gaga had been to a pyjama party and not slept a wink all night, so left Cell Kween in the lurch, and Cell Kween was the lone female under age thirty-five.

Now, as has been pointed out, due to the restaurant it was extremely critical to get this run started ON TIME. So why were we still milling about at ten minutes past the hour? You have three guesses - Madame Mooton, Madame Mooton, or Madame Mooton. Yes, you guessed it! Madame Mooton was not accompanied by Sabine this week, so was back to her old getting-lost habits. And Supermarket Trolley did not dare to start without her for fear of Madame Mooton giving up and going home, thus upsetting the precise restaurant numbers. So we waited.

Madame Mooton suddenly drove by, honking and waving, on the other side of the divided highway (there was a hedge down the middle, so no chance of her making an illegal turn into the parking lot). Down to the roundabout and back - but no - she disappeared. Another five minutes went by. Padre and the runners were chomping at the bit and Supermarket Trolley could not hold them back another instant. Off they charged.

Meanwhile, Supermarket Trolley and Virgin Mouth were frantically going through the restaurant list. Lazy Gaga's place had been given to Sadist, back unexpectedly from Scotland, but the numbers still didn't talley. They discovered they had missed "Cucker F" (chicken) on the list - Chucker Fucker, our new German, next-youngest-after-Undergrowth, male runner. He must have got lost too, and it was too late to re-phone the restaurant. The deadline had been passed.

Madame Mooton showed up on foot, having parked her car about a mile away in a parking somewhere near the roundabout, and the walkers set out, very late now. The runners had gone west; the walkers went due east, crossed the road, and walked over a bridge. Down below was a rocky gully which we had hashed at Supermarket Trolley and Confusion's beautiful run in June, the one where the entire trail was lined by lovely meter-high pink and yellow wildflowers and weeds, and where Jobsworth was told to be sure to mention all the flowers in his run report, and didn't.

Then we crossed a road and stepped onto a sidewalk where there was a huge pile of fresh horse manure. Rubbermaid called out to Saddlesniffer, who was up near the front, "Splendid, Jenny! You really outdid yourself this time!"

Next we saw the runners coming towards us, with Undergrowth and Pablo out in front and all the others strung out in a line behind them. The walkers were all strung out in a long line too, and we were all on the same sidewalk. The two groups passed each other like two freight trains, the eastbound and the westbound - all that was missing were the cowcatchers out in front and the choo-choos and the whoooooo-ooos.

It did seem strange to be going such completely opposite directions, and the walkers wondered if they were on trail or making some huge mistake. Confusion had gone back to mark an arrow on the road for stragglers, so was not available for questioning. Suddenly Supermarket Trolley whizzed by on the eastbound track. I shouted out to her, "Is this correct?" and she shouted back over her shoulder that it was.

Jennifer No Name was among the front runners, I believe - quite impressive for someone who hasn't hashed in five or six months. Sadist was the caboose.

Cell Kween, who had been with the runners, took advantage of this meeting of trains to derail and join the walkers. When asked why she hadn't invited a chum along too, like her brother, she replied that none of her friends enjoyed sweating.

After awhile we came to a roundabout, where we went left, and then after awhile we crossed over and entered a small road, and after that we were in the woods and the bush. I don't remember the exact order of everything, but we passed a park where there was a baseball diamond with a baseball game in progress - a rare sight in France, and Contessa was wondering if the players were American, and I didn't think they were. We also passed along beside a babbling brook for quite awhile, which seemed very much like the Brague, but I don't think it was, but I forgot to ask the hares afterwards. We passed some of those "stages" where joggers stop to do various activities as they run - it was around here that we met Quaillewd, out jogging. She said this was her local woods now, as she had just moved. We passed a playground and Meri was afraid that Ian and Anté would become distracted and beg to go in, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves along the trail, and didn't. Unfortunately, I didn't take note of exactly how they were amusing themselves. Ian had a sort of pirate scarf tied around his forehead, and I seem to remember that one or the other, or both of them, had a stick. All boys do like to have a stick in hand.

Then we arrived at the beer stop. Farty Bum said that the old beers from Pedo's cooler, that had the labels unglued, should be drunk first before opening the new cartons she had bought. She did not have the coolers, because they were too big for her car, and she said there was no need for ice in November. Supermarket Trolley had bought some peanuts that were easier to open than the vacuum-packed peanuts that Pedo buys, but Smelly Pooh decided that Supermarket Trolley's peanuts were greasier than Pedo's, so she tore open the vacuum-packed ones using her car key.

I see that the runner's half of this report has just been posted, so will finish this quickly and send it in.

The second half of the trail was more difficult than the first half, with some steep bits, but unfortunately I can't report on it because I went back in the beer car. (If you want information about it, perhaps Contessa could add some details here.) We hunted around looking for Madame Mooton's car near the roundabout, and eventually found it, and let her off there so she could drive it up to the circle and not lose time walking back to it later on.

The restaurant was the place where Sadist and Sinex held their 60th birthday party (many years ago now), and everyone found the food great. Padre went around selling tickets for the Christmas party tombola, Confusion collected the coffee money from those who ordered coffee, and Supermarket Trolley collected tips. The restaurant people seemed to find us better than they had expected, and did not charge us for Chucker Fucker.

At the end of the day Supermarket Trolley heaved a huge sigh of relief - everything had turned out okay after all!
Thank-you Supermarket Trolley and Confusion for another great run!

PS I forgot to mention that this run took place in Sophia Antipolis, from the INRIA parking lot, but Sadist has covered this in the runners' report.

Away Weekends
More Info.
Christmas Party Details.

25th Anniversary 16-17 March 2013 Details here.

UK Nash Hash 23-26 August 2013Details here.

Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
To see what world hash events are coming up, check out this website:
Hash events.
Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
R*n 715 & 716: NEXT HASH 8 & 9 -Dec

Saturday 8th December


Run 715 SATURDAY 8th. December 2012

The "Fun?" starts here.

Pre Prandial Prancing;

The Organising Committee for the Christmas Cornucopia of Cheerful Cohabitation are pleased to offer for your dubious delectation a bonus bounce around the backyard of the hosting hotel brought to you by those doyens of dubious tastes, Padre and Wet Spot.

Meet 14h30 for 15h00 start.

Le Relais du Lac in Montauroux (04 9476 4365.)

Follow Prestressed's directions for the venue.

A8 Exit 39, direction Fayence

After 8.5km, roundabout, LEFT direction Fayence

After approx 2km, Hotel le Relais du Lac and restaurant Le Mas des Anges is on the left, just after Costamagna (on left), and before Leclerc (on right).

Facilities will be provided, after the run, for those who require to tittivate their being, in readiness for the evening of debauchery.

Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy !

Sunday 9th December

Sunday 9 December Run 716

10h30 onwards - Bucks Fizz and Continental Breakfast chez Skinny Ah So and Prestressed
(Party attendees only).
12h00 Hare of the Dog Run/Walk hared by Prestressed
13h30 OnIn chez Skinny Ah So and Prestressed.

Obviously there will be no ONON after the Saturday run for those not participating
in the Festive Frolic (just a circle), but normal service will be resumed for Sunday's ritual.


Run only, both days €5 each, for members .

Sunday run € 15 (€20 non-members) includes luncheon, subject to availability and PRE-RESERVING at: prestressed@gmail.com, by no later than 18h00 6 Dec. 2012

Buy two while stocks last.

If you are not attending the Christmas party, PLEASE RESERVE for Sunday's Hash with prestressed@gmail.com, as availability is limited, and if we do not know if you are coming, you will not be included in the catering.

From Exit 39 A8 Autoroute Direction Fayence.

1. After 8.5km, roundabout Straight On to Montauroux.

2. After 1.5km, keep right to Montauroux Village.

3. After 1km, turn sharp right at signposts Chemin du Cougourdon, Chemin de la Fregiere.

4. After 150m, fork right at signposts Chemin du Cougourdon, Chemin de la Fregiere.

5. After 50m follow road downhill to right.

6. After 50m, at the bottom of the hill, keep right and immediately left into 154 Chemin de la Fregiere.

7. Proceed down the drive and park near the house.

From Christmas party venue and Hotel du Lac

1. Turn right heading back towards Grasse.

2. After approx 0.5km, Turn Left to Montauroux.

3. After 300m, Stop Straight On, direction Montauroux Village.

4.. After 1km, turn sharp right at signposts Chemin du Cougourdon, Chemin de la Fregiere.

5. After 150m, fork right at signposts Chemin du Cougourdon, Chemin de la Fregiere.

6. After 50m follow road downhill to right.

7. After 50m, at the bottom of the hill, keep right and immediately left into 154 Chemin de la Fregiere.

8. Proceed down the drive and park near the house.

Prestressed and Padre

-- Contact Numbers:

+334 9468 4204
+336 2813 6759
+4479 0359 7104
+278 4496 5717