RIVIERA HASH TRASH 713
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50 Shades of Smut
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The following run report is anonymous because Jobsworth did not want to attribute it to Farty Bum because she becomes tired and emotional very easily when it is intimated that she is the originator.
The weather forecast, Friday evening, was not good for a Hare, and not particularly good if you were planning to Hash on Sunday, which prompted Padre to send out a message to remind all that the Hare would appreciate it if her efforts were rewarded with their attendance.
Padre also informs me he did the non rain dance, using chicken accoutrements, as taught to him by the Mayans, whilst in Belize, and that if you use the feather it is considered erotic but using the whole chicken is considered perverted.
So, a motley band of intrepid Hashy types congregated in Golfe Juan, rearing to go at the appointed hour. The rain having abated about 15 minutes before the start. So the dance worked then !
A stressed out No Satisfaction arrived back from the Beer Stop location and the two minute warning was sounded. She informed us that the trail might be a tad difficult to locate at times, due to the wet, pervading all.
The trail was set Saturday morning, then again Saturday afternoon and again Sunday morning.
She then made some feeble excuse about not doing the running trail as there was only one hare and she was going to make sure the walkers arrived at the Beer Stop.
Runners report follows;
Off we go, walkers to the right and runners to the left. A small but perfectly formed group augmented with the surprise, guest appearance, of Finnish Fly, that well known aphrodisiac..
We have not seen her for such a long time but rumor has it, being connected to airline travel, she was away fully involved in the following.
See if you can spot her.
I digress, but still connected to the sex theme, I was asking Fairy Plunger about the tennis finals today and expressed surprise he was out with us and not watching, given his athletic prowess on the tennis court.
He said it was not the same any more since the discovery, when he could not connect to his porn channel, that if you shut your eyes whilst the women's tennis was on the television it sounded exactly the same.
Looks like I am up a false trail here.
Along the beach, towards the infamous lighthouse we always visit when No Satisfaction is the Hare, but no, what is this, a sharp right angle turn into the park behind the railway lines.
A ferret around, running many false trail and we eventually find the right way to progress. It took us so long to find the right trail that Paedophil was out in front, leading the way.
At the next few checks, Cumalot, putting his new found fitness to good use was leading the pack with his enthusiasm to find crosses.
From here it was up, and then up, and then up some more. Paedophil, having inside knowledge delivering the refreshments to the Beer Stop, was convinced we were on the right trail until it was pointed out that he was standing next to a cross. Some people never learn.
Talking about all the rain, Jobsworth said that in his travels he had experienced the floods in Pakistan.I told him that it was quite a coincidence as The Red Cross had just knocked at my door and asked if we could help with the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the end of our driveway.
The Supper Market Trolley was in her element here, all this tarmac and no river crossing in sight.
Then to her dismay the trail went off road and into a newly created park with bashed down terrain to form the path. A gentle, ten minute, uphill, slog and we hove into sight of the gaggle of walkers, at what we imagined to be the Beer Stop. Phooey, it was just a view stop.
Quite a view it was too, looking out over the bay of Cannes and the Ille des Lerin.
Just a quick km. or so, loop around the hill and down to the Beer Stop with the L.W.B. just wandering down the staircase.
A brief drizzle whilst we imbibed just to remind us what we could have been experiencing and then off again.
The return trail straightforward enough as it was impossible to disguise the in trail, but Jobsworth, putting his Marathon running to good effect, ran a few extra loops.
His little machine says he ran 13 plus km.
Walkers report follows;
We left at 10:30 in a good mood because it was not raining as we all had feared. Sneaky B., the most farseeing, or should that be seafaring, was wearing his yellow limey-style rain coat but we were all well equipped against rain. The walk started overlooking the marina and we could spot in the distance Sneaky B.'s yacht. As we went, No Satisfaction was marking the trail for the benefit of Toss Pot and Dire Rear who had indulged in bed and were late.
After an under passage we stopped for a while allowing TossPot and Dire Rear to reach us. Then we resumed walking through the village admiring the villas of Super Cannes, Toss Pot leading the way and Farty Bum talking in spite of the steepness of the way that was temporarily keeping walkers rather silent. Beautiful mansions, gorgeous panoramas and we reached Paedo's car thinking it was Beer Stop time.
On the contrary the best part was still to come. We entered "Le parc du Paradou" with its nice trails, aromatic smelling eucalyptus trees, gulping on our way strawberry-tree fruits (arbusiers) and admiring humongous mushrooms which were edible according to Coco and TossPot.
At the beer stop, when nobody expected it, the rain started. Light raincoats appeared from bags and rucksacks and Farty Bum wore her beautiful yellow fisherman's hat.
Light and pleasant downhill walk as the rain reduced its intensity along the sea side and overlooking the marina up to the circle.
Hare: No Satisfaction
Mugless: Supermarket Trolley (very satisfying to see this relentless 'mug policeman' getting it for a change). Paedophil and Sneaky Bastard.
Having a leaking "toit" or as Padre said in his best French accent a leaking 'twat' and for not doing the run report for the last run, Paedophil.
Entering the parking lot via the exit, and taking 5 minutes to get the car parked straight: Farty Bum
Late; 'phoning us a good twenty minutes into the trail and making us wait till they caught up, Dire Rear and Tosspot
Very late (just in time for the circle), and wearing a suit and tie: Perpetual Motion
Returners: Jobsworth, Seamen Monster, Dire Rear, Supermarket Trolley.
Paedophil, for not bringing the accoutrements,
No Satisfaction for mug abuse,
Padre for excess complaining and general bitching.
After a hard fought contest the winner, declared by Padre, was Padre because he needed a beer.
The special ones then retired to Chez Bruno, No Satisfaction's local, the scene of many previous Hash lunches and dinners, welcomed with an orange and ???? aperitif, followed by a wide choice of main dishes. Mind you somebody had their eye on the dish which was serving our meal. No names, my lips are sealed. Nice buns though.
The desert table, groaning under the weight of delicious homemade goodies, was attacked by the fast moving walkers, followed by the more sedate runners. The groaning then moved to the table as the stomachs complained about the vicious work out the abdominal muscles were receiving, stretched to their limits.
So a good workout all around and wonderful time was had by all. Thank you No Satisfaction and welcome back.
And to finish, I am an excellent ventriloquist, even if I do say so myself.
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R*n 714: NEXT HASH 25 -Nov
Sunday 25 November
10.30 am for 11.00 am start
Hares: Supermarket Trolley and Confusion
From Valbonne direction
Take D.3 (Route de Cannes) to the Forum roundabout and turn left onto D.103 (Route du Parc). Go straight over two roundabouts. After the second roundabout (with the big wooden arches), take the left filter lane after 400 m. to the traffic lights. Go straight over the traffic lights onto D.504 (Route de Lucioles). Go straight over two roundabouts (1st roundabout is called Carrefour du Albert Caquot), after the second roundabout, parking is immediately on the right, with a sign for I.N.R.I.A. If you reach the roundabout Carrefour du Golf, you?ve gone too far.
From Nice / Cannes direction
Take exit 44 (Antibes) from the A8, take direction Sophia Antipolis/Valbonne/Grasse. Stay on the D.103 (Route du Parc) until the first set of traffic lights, turn right onto D.504 (Route de Lucioles). Go straight over two roundabouts, after the second roundabout, parking is immediately on the right, with a sign for I.N.R.I.A.
The On On will be at the La Source Restaurant, which is under new management and has been totally refurbished. We have negotiated a 3 course menu, which includes wine for 20 Euros.
We need a minimum of 15 for the restaurant. Please let Supermarket Trolley know by Wednesday evening if you are staying for the meal, together with your choice for the main course, which is:
Supreme de Volaille or Filet de Limande
Contact numbers: Supermarket Trolley 06 63 10 87 77 and Confusion 06 95 70 99. 63.