RIVIERA HASH TRASH 705
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Run Report Hash Run Number 705




Location 'Airy 'Ole (I think that is how it is pronounced.) Italy

Hares; Contessa and Coco

The run directions maintained a recently implemented extra level of Hash difficulty by not only making the trail hard to find but also the start point. World of Warcraft set around the world of Azeroth, springs to mind here.

The five cars where I was, were in the correct location, all the others were in the wrong place.
And also, this being outside the normal comfort area of Hashing, the time taken to drive the start was an unknown quantity to the majority. Hence, plenty of early arrivals. The ladies decided plenty of time for a coffee and Fairy Plunger decided he had time not only to have a coffee but carbohydrate load at the same time.

I digress and seem to have lost the plot which is exactly what a large percentage of attendees had done.
Some were in the top plot, some were in the bottom plot and the few who lost the plot all together were scattered halfway down the road out of town.
As somebody said, "Harder to find than a G spot".

Farty Bum, aged 59 and 3/4, arrived with her military escort, Art a world war two veteran, and proceeded to march to the cafe for rations.


As the start time approached and the numbers of attendees were still on the low side no matter what correct car park you were waiting in, somebody realised what was happening and like a drop of mercury spilt into a dish, somehow managed to all coalesce without too much effort in the same place.
How poetic is that ?.
Who to blame. I know........ Padre.
He is always being blamed for shitty directions.

COCO; THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man, or in a serious relationship, should forget his mistakes
- There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!


Contessa started her spiel about the walkers trail which took longer than the attention span of the revved up athletes straining at the leash and so they set off in the direction of the flour. A slight problem as this was the, "in trail" flour. About turn, quick march up the stairs to the village and then continue up for about twenty minutes, walkers and runners.
Of course the difference being the runners covered a distance which the walkers could only dream about. That is, if they cared about anything like that. Natter,shopping, natter, chat, babies, shoes,grandchildren, chat, natter. I can not remember if that was the walkers or the runners.

A few false trails, expertly run by the front runners Supper Market Trolley and Chris N.N.and then cyclist, Scott the walker, (Not one of the Walker brothers is he by any chance ?) but who having been to the Lance Armstrong school of cycling went powering off up the hill in the lead. I demand a drugs test. Either that or something was wrong with his testicles. Or was somebody attempting to tickle them ?
A long uphill falsie followed and an about turn and back down the hill to join the walkers trail to the beer stop. Modesty, overtaking Paedophil once again, being academically minded and logical he should have this figured out soon.

So was Cums Quicker a very fast walker or a slow runner?
Approaching the beer stop the sheeple were milling around scared to leave the comfort zone and leave the check circle, until the runners put them out of their misery. Pity Chris N.N. and S.M.T. chose wrong again.

About 40 minutes to the beer stop.
A variety of topics as usual or as unusual.
No Satisfaction, I think it was, telling how she was in London recently and the capital is full of unusual people for the Paralympics.
She said she was only trying to be polite to the guy at the bus stop with no legs. And, it was unfair to threaten to arrest her just because she asked him how he was getting on.

The second half commenced with the walkers being led to the start/ finish and the runners doing a long false trail to allow them to get ahead.
As the runners approached the village from the bottom Padre noticed flour off to the left and led a few runners up the slope. However, as this was just the laggards trying to catch up, the competitive element were already nearly a km down the main road towards XXM.and they, the laggards, were inadvertently on the walkers trail.
Arriving at the view point who should come into view but our commander in chief. Perpetual Motion, late on parade once again. Standards are slipping. He arrived just in time for the meal.
This was a superb location to watch Prestressed being pulled up the hill by Dyson and SMT and Chris indulge in a little competitive running way down in the valley below.

All down to the car park for the circle and Down Downs
Hares; Contessa and Coco," The Duke and Duchess of York?, for marching us up to the top of the hill and marching us down again.
Mugless; Cumalot, Farty Bum,Seymour Pussy, Undergrowth, Cums Quicker (Proxy)
Virgin; Art
Sending pornography through Hash groups: Sadist and Contessa for pretending she did not know what it was. Returners; Seymour Pussy, Angel of Death, Prestressed, Skinny Ah So, Cums Quicker, Undergrowth, Virgin Mouth, Fairy Plunger, Mad Max.
James Brown impersonation; Prestressed.(James Brown said he could still get down on it at the age of seventy but needed to be helped back up again. The subtle difference, Prestressed needed a ladder to get down off it )
Visitors Chris N.N. and Scott N.N.
S.O.T.W. Nominations;
Perpetual Motion, Late on Parade,
Farty Bum for broadcasting Hashers ages to anyone who would listen
Cumalot , Embezzlement. Losing lots of pounds. and
Contessa for directions on par with Padre's


And the winner was.................roll of drums......
Going by the noise level of votes, the winner was Perpetual Motion, closely followed by Prestressed. But when visitor Scott was asked to make the decision, he declared that he could not condemn a fellow cyclist, so Prestressed got it, administered delicately and lovingly, by Skinny Ah So.


Then it was off to the village restaurant for a gastronomic blow out, typical of these villages hidden away halfwayup a mountain where all they have to do on a Sunday after church is eat.
You know the sort I am sure.
Read the book, seen the film, eat the cast.......Watership Down.

Padre proposed a toast to Art who had on his souvenir T shirt as did a majority of Hashers. The only difference being the Hashers received theirs for some running and drinking and Art received his for some walking, (through France and doing some liberating whilst he was at it) and some drinking.

How do you organise anything for the Hash when a question regarding something as simple as lunch, asked of one car load of occupants, elicited the reply............
X eats fish but not meat.
X eats meat but not fish.
X eats meat but not if red
X eats anything, adding, but I am normal !

How do you get a fat woman into bed ?
Its a piece of cake .


Away Weekends
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Gothenburg Hash - First week of September 2012 Gothenburg Hash
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