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Never Cums

Run No. 701 Report
Cagnes Sur Mer;
Hares Farty Bum and Virgin Mouth

Life is like a penis, hanging free and lose.
It is women that make it hard.
A combined cut and paste, run /walk, report.

Did you know there are two seven o'clocks in a day ? I do now.
I wonder what time Iron Lady and Zoro had to “Rise and Shine”, all the way deep down in the Var bandit country, to be in Cagnes sur Mer at 0900hrs. Too early for the promised, young friends of Filipo N.N. It was probably still the middle of the night for them. Walkers; The day dawned cloudless and sizzling as we assembled as bidden at the big car park in Cagnes sur Mer. As Virgin Sabine was introduced to all these weird-sounding people, she asked herself what Mme Mouton had let her in for. But she soon entered into the Hashy spirit as off we trot (well, sauntered) after Farty Bum and Virgin Mouth -- on what turned out to be a beautiful trail!

Padre called the assembled throng together with his customary, two minutes to go, warning, but severely miscalculated and did not allow for Farty Bum's detailed description of her trail. Therefore, to avoid being severely retarded (the run, but I suppose it could just as easily apply to Padre ) he cut her off in her prime and moved the runners out whilst he was still explaining something about false trails. They were all too happy to oblige. The runners set off, on their warm up lap, headed by the usual suspects, the Front Running Bastards, ( F.R.B.s) Perpetual Motion, Filipo and Supper Market Trolley. As the fully warmed up F.R.B.s returned to the car park, they exit in pursuit of the Ladies Walking Brigade, (L.W.B.)

Padre all kindness and heart (Ed; You have to be joking !) returned back up the trail to check on the whereabouts of the retards Paedophil, Prestressed and Iron Lady. However, they saw him coming and avoided him by running through the market area and exiting in front of him.

Walkers; At first all on the flat, through places even veteran Hashers admitted they’d never been before, and even the 32 (or was it 64!) steps up to a gorgeous residential area with fabulous views (where the blazes were we?!) only served to increase the general appreciation. Especially when we were ordered to “Stay There” at a crossroads, just as a magical cool breeze lifted our collective Hashy t-shirts.
( I never saw any of that; What could they be concealing ?????????? Answers on a size EE Victoria's Secret, bra to Paedophil ).

From here it was a series of loops around the outskirts of the village intertwining with the walkers trail. Sadist and Cumalot overtaking the same walkers four or five times but all arriving at the entrance to the wooded area at about the same time.

Walkers; OnOn we went, gabbing and gawping at the posh villas, until we entered into the standard Hashy fare of prickly forest landscape (Farty Bum, did you say secateurs?) and eventually were given the choice of “go straight on”, or “down that way to ford the stream” to the Beerstop.
No prizes for guessing the walkers’ consensus.

Into the woods and The Supper Market Trolley noticeably slows. Even Cumalot is quicker than her when she runs out of tarmac. A pleasant, meandering, oxymoron, gentle uphill jog beside the river followed, all the way to the beer stop, held beside the Police station. How many runners actually followed the trail through the yard of the bungalow ?

Walkers; And what a beer stop, under the only tree for miles (specially planted by Paedophil that morning) and our immediate neighbor the friendly Gendarmerie of Villeneuve-Loubet. They would have joined us for a beer, but decided they felt more comfortable behind their air-conditioned façade, ‘cos it was a veritable scorcher. That, in fact, is as far as Mme Mouton went, as she and SA Kathy hitched a cool lift back with Paedophil.

Virgin Sabine would have joined us too, except she was abducted by Perpetual Motion to do the second half. I am pleased to report that she did get back safe and sound, (though Perpetual M. looked distinctly hot under the collar) and that Sadist, shirtless and dripping, and Padre likewise, obviously had braved the Med’s notorious inhabitants, the delightful meduses (or jellyfish, for the painless uninitiated). Rather them than me, said Mme Mouton..

There was an obvious short cut across the river but some of us remembered the scrotum shrinking , nipple erecting cold of the previous immersion and were not in the slightest bit interested in swapping the running pain for this alternative torture. Only Cumalot and Sadist took the hemorrhoid shrinking alternative.

Perpetual Motion and S.M.T (?) decided it was such a pleasant day that they took off for a half marathon extension somewhere for an extra twenty minutes or so . The remaining runners used their energy more wisely and headed straight for the Beer Stop arriving just before the walkers.

Paedophil said the Police station was to keep the rabble in check. It worked. Beer Stop over and Farty Bum started another oration about running to the top of hills and beaches for bitches (Just for Jake ?) but with the same result, the F.R.B.s took off without waiting and, following flour, headed for the sea front and the promised swim. The pack was strung out here as the lure of the sea was too much. Even Long and Hard was observed running. Hitting the beach and it was time for some bird watching. Filipo pointed out a Tern and I pointed out another. After all one good Tern deserves another.

I notice some of the women were so poor they could only afford half a bikini and when I mention this to Paedophil he said that with his connections in the clothing industry he is now going to organise a collection of old Speedos (Buggie Smugglers) and running shorts for them. He would first have to take all their inside leg measurements to ensure a correct fit.
Did anyone notice the Baywatch Babe sitting on her life saving tower ?
Padre said he spent twenty minutes trying to persuade her he was in difficulties. Swim over and a gentle run along the sea front, although Perpetual. Motion was walking, engrossed in conversation with Virgin, Sabine N.N. and Padre, not being one to let sleeping dogs lay, persuaded Sabine to run the last Km. And anyway they were going the wrong way as the trail lay beside the canal. P.Motion being an officer and nearly a gentleman took Sabine N.N.'s back pack so she no longer had an excuse.

The three of them completed the run together to convince her she could keep up with the “Old Farts” on the next occasion of her joining us. If she ever does !
The runners all arrived back at the start in close proximity which usually indicates a well laid trail. As I said, usually. Farty Bum sent Padre a short note (Short by her standards ; It was actually longer than this report ) which was forwarded to me, pointing out some runners short cut, Iron Lady swam a longish section parallel to the beach for three Dykes (EH !) some did other things. I lost the will to live half way though. As everyone arrived back together and all appeared to have had a good time, enjoying the experience then there is no need to put anyone on the naughty step.

Thank you, the two Hares from the L.W.B.
Virgin Mouth and Farty Bum.

Scary thought...only another three more runs and summer is over.

Down Downs; Hares; Virgin Mouth and Farty Bum
Disrespect/Lack of Manners; Filipo and Toss Pot
Song dedication; Long and Hard and Perpetual Motion
National Days; July 1st. Canada Day, Farty Bum
July 4th. Iron Lady, Contessa,
July 14th. All the French (anybody remember them all?)
Mugless; Contessa, Long and Hard, Paedophil.
Returners; Iron Lady, Zoro, Kathy N.N.
Shit Of The Week; Nominations.... Cumalot dereliction of duty,
Perpetual Motion sexual deviation and the winner
Farty Bum but I do not know why as I can not read Padre's writing.

It was then off to Villeneuf Loubet for a relaxed Lunch. Most unusual... A French restaurant where the patron looked pleased to see us and smiling, pleasant waitresses. The food was enjoyed by all with Prestressed, Paedophil and Padre particularly enjoying the buns. You had to be there !

I will leave you with this thought.................................

To save the euro, a United states of Europe with Germany in charge.
Now why didn't they think of that before?

Away Weekends
More Info.
Gothenburg Hash - First week of September 2012 Gothenburg Hash
Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
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R*n 702: NEXT HASH 22 -Jul

The next hash will take place at 10h30 for 11h00 at Greenside in Sophia Antipolis.

Onon will be chez Jobsworth & Never Cums, which is a few hundered metres from the start point. Please will you confirm if you will come to it & if you are a veggie so that we can estimate the correct numbers for the catering. Confirmations to ailsa.emmott@orange.fr or 0611655866 please.

The morning start time has been chosen to try to avoid the worst of the summer heat. The run/walk is mostly in the shade (honest!).

Directions as follows:

Exit the A8 autoroute at Antibes and take the d535 direction Biot.

Follow the d535 for 1.4km to the roundabout at the top of the hill called "Carrefour des Chappes". Go straight over the roundabout onto Avenue St Philippe. Do NOT turn right & continue to follow the d535 to Biot!

There is a school 50 metres beyond the Carrefour des Chappes. Park here.

Please let me know if more precise instructions are required.....