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Never Cums

A Confused Supermarket Trolley in the Sophia maze

To be fair, the only confusion (apart from the hare with the same name) was about just how hot & sunny the Côte d'Azur can be in early June. A big crowd assembled in front of the Provencal Golf Course in Sophia Antipolis; not to play around (geddit?) but to run and walk through what is left of the countryside in this technopole.

The hares promised a straightforward hash, apart from a warning that we should not be confused by chalk arrows on part of the trail that were not set by them. There was absolutely no promise that the jaunt would be short or easy, though clues to its length lay in the promise of some shade and the hand out of ice cold water before we started.

Thanks to Padre's officiating, the hash started on time and in the direction of the busy Sophia road system...so much for promises of shade! A little local knowledge is a dangerous thing. At the first check, Jobsworth & Pedo (who else?) held back from the exertions of checking on the basis that flour had been spotted leading back to the start point. Fortunately, Supermarket Trolley is a thoroughly decent hare and told them to "get their butts in gear" & follow the pack, or else they would miss half the hash. Advice duly taken, the trail followed the Sophia dual carriage way system to the next big roundabout....and it happened again, with other hash veterans such as Padre also wanting to check back to the start point. The hares had obviously laid magnetic home-tracking flour (there was certainly enough of it!).hey better too much than too little I say - ed

All local knowledge proved totally useless as the trail led into the welcome shade of woods, before veering over yet another Sophia dual carriageway and into more woods. At the check here, German visitor Chucker F from Austin, Texas (a small suburb of Cologne, apparently) had clearly got into the swing of things. Not content with running in sandals (Jesus would be proud, though maybe not of his hash name!), he decided to check out not 1 but 2 falsies before rejoining the pack which had run en masse up the third falsie. How Supermarket Trolley would have laughed had she seen it....the real trail was actually the one that eventually led to the start point.

So then, 20 minutes into the hash, the pack had a sense of déjà vu and, led by Felipe, ignored the beer and other delights to follow the trail in a totally different direction. At this point, Perpetch noted that Jobsworth's face was becoming the colour of a belisha beacon and encouraged him to discover the joys of a bandana to combat the heat. Several hashers took the hint and took off their tee shirts to cover their heads from the sun at this point; unfortunately, none of the female hashettes followed the lead. Pity!

Having circumnavigated the golf course, the pack regrouped before the trail led into woods. Padre again succumbed to the perils of too much local knowledge, declaring that the trail would obviously lead down to the refreshing waters of the Brague. Many a hopeful hasher followed him down the hill, only to be thwarted by a cross. The more astute hashers (led by Jobsworth helping out by saying that he had seen that cross the previous evening when walking the dog) hung back and let the back markers such as Dyson and his handler Prestressed catch up as the pack finally returned.

It was around this point that a cardinal sin was committed. Padre had done a splendid job of asking several regulars to stay with Chucker F as he does not know the area. However, he & Felipe disappeared, not to be seen again until the end of the hash. They claim that they simply followed trail. My suspicion is that both are extremely fit and actually decided to run as they were fed up being slowed down by the, ahem, seasoned veterans.....!

After this, the trail led down to a dry river bed. The hare supermarket trolley was seen laughing as the pack emerged from it, convinced that the beer stop was nigh. Under this delusion, the keener runners (Padre, Perpetch, Sadist & Smelly Poo among them) ignored all flour and kept going up the road searching for beer. Poor, deluded fools!

Several kilometres and a tour of Garbejaire later, a mirage appeared on the ground....was that really "Beer" marked in flour? Fortunately, the mirage proved reality and a welcome beer or three was greedily guzzled by some very hot hashers after a 10km first half. But what was this? No name Jen was already there, looking very cool and relaxed. How could she have passed the pack with nobody noticing? Turns out that she bumped into Confusion who directed her there via a short cut. FRB Felipe and visitor Chucker F met a less fortunate fate; having decided to show the vets how to do it, they had arrived at the beer stop before either the runners & walkers and continued to do the second half without stopping. Oh to be a young & athletic FRB!

Given the heat and distance, there was no surprise that competition to do the second half in the back of the beer car was intense. After several suggestions such as selling lottery tickets for the beer car/taxi, the hares decided to shorten the route back. Thanks to this decision, it was a "simple" 3km back to the start. Simple, that is, except for the hills, the sun, the heat.....(oh stop wingeing - ed).

Once back at the start, the runners & walkers reunited for the self-flagilation known as the circle, with victims punished as shown below.

Hares; Super Market Trolley and Confusion.
Jennifer N.N.; caught in compromising positions with an Octopus. We have seen the photographs !
Filipo N.N.and Chucker F;. racing at warp factor 3.and getting to the end of the run and then returning towards the beer stop.
Sadist; Bush bashing in Kenya and adding another Hash T shirt to his collection.
Returners; Fairy Plunger, Archiballs, Whingey Le Pooh, Chris N.N., Val N.N. and Grant N.N.
Visiting Hasher; Chucker
Late arrival at the Ball; Never Cums
Leavers; all the above except F.Plunger
Mugless; ???????
Virgin; Anda
S.O.T.W. Paedophil for letting alien life grow in the receptacle, narrowly beating Farty Bum who deserved it but it was not fair making her drink out of such a health risk.
Although now the club has insurance maybe we should not worry !

Circle over, it was onon to La Casa, with a very modern French take on kebab meat. Kebab salad, kebab burger, kebab ice cream anyone?

And so the hash was over for another two weeks. Many thanks to Confusion & Supermarket Trolley for organising an entertaining & well marked trail and onon to the next!

Away Weekends
More Info.
Gothenburg Hash - First week of September 2012 Gothenburg Hash
Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
To see what world hash events are coming up, check out this website:
Hash events.
Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
R*n 700: NEXT HASH 24 -Jun

Run 700 will be held at Lac St Cassien in the Var on Sunday 24 June, at 14h30 followed by a celebratory 4 course meal, starting at 18h00, at Les Terrasses restaurant in Tourettes in the Canton of Fayence.

Champagne has been stocked and there is certain to be a Never Cums cake for all to enjoy. Make sure that you have nominated drivers, as we all know Bruno's largesse when it comes to drinks at the restaurant.

The walkers can look forward to a leisurely, relatively flat riverside stroll, the runners not. Be prepared to get your feet wet, and runners will have a swimming option.

The mismanagement committee has generously agreed to subsidise this Hash, and the all in cost, including run fee will be €20 per person for PAID UP members reserving by Thursday 21 June. FOR ALL OTHERS, the price will be €30 per person.


Date: 24 June 2012
Time: 14h30 for 15h00
Hares: Prestressed and Skinny A
Cost: €20 for paid up members booking by 21 June; €30 for all others.
Confirmation: Please e-mail prestressed@gmail.com

1. Take exit 39 from A8 Autoroute, direction Fayence.
After 3.5km, turn left and left again into parking at 24km stone. ( If you pass Les Arbusiers restaurant, you have gone too far!)
Proceed for 400m over severely undulating track to parking area.
2. From Fayence, and Grasse, at the Junction of the D562 and the D37 take the exit marked A8 autoroute. After 5km turn right, and then left, into parking as above.


Contact Numbers:

+334 9468 4204
+336 2813 6759
+4479 0359 7104