RIVIERA HASH TRASH 688
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"If you go down to the woods today....."


".....you'll be sure of a hash surprise". In this case, the hash surprise was gluhwein waiting for us outside of Little Red Riding Hood's home in Vence. "For today was the day the hash is having a Christmas picnic."

And so it was that Mme Mouton enticed a hardy bunch to her private forest on Christmas Eve to pre-empt the extra Christmas kilos with a spot of exercise. She had promised a short run, great food...and easy parking. In the event, the parking was helped by Farty Bum sitting at the side of the road to direct hashers directly into the woods, but the promise of lots of space was, ummm, as true as a parent's promise that Santa really does exist. Thanks to a neighbour's BMW generously taking up 3 places, parking was as tight as Scrooge. Nonetheless, hashers used all their ingenuity (and parking sensors in the case of Iron Lady) to squeeze into an impossible space.

Once assembled, the gluhwein proved to be an excellent pre run drink. So much so that Jobsworth needed to prevent forest fires with a little arrosage (not "Forest Dump", Padre!). Gluhwein & arrosage over, hare Sadist promised a short and flat run with views of elephants, wild boar, giraffes and goodness knows what. And so it was off into the game reserve armed with nothing more menacing than Cumalot's penknife to protect ourselves against the wild animals.

One advantage of Mme Mouton's house is that she is on a hill directly on the edge of the forest. So no falsies were needed at the start, as it was clearly down, down, down the track. The trail wound around the river and forded it 4 or 5 times. Fortunately, we have been suffering a drought, so some of the wimpier hashers worried about getting their feet wet, but the hardier souls realised that there was nothing to it.

As ever, the initial FRBs were Perpetch, Padre and our own Duracell Bunny aka Cumalot. Other more sensible hashers such as Wuff Diva and Hash Tache took it easier on the basis of it going downhill steeply, meaning that uphill was to come. Once at the bottom, a check did indeed prove that it was time for uphill. At this point, natural order was restored with Perpetch & Flopper overtaking the pack and setting the pace as FRBs.

Up & up we went until we came to a bit of forest that we have hashed many times....so it would be easy, right? Errrr, no. Sadist is a devious soul and made us search for the correct trail through many falsies. At this point, Perpetch turned on his turbo and was never seen again, whilst Padre exhorted his fellow hashers to short cut (a charge he was to deny later in the circle). Once back on trail, Flopper demonstrated how he earned his name with a most equestrian jump over a closed gate.

After a trot through the forest, a very welcome "Beer" sign was spotted and the pack set about devouring the stale crisps and over fermented beer. The walkers had clearly been enjoying their amble around the forest as they took longer to arrive. Once congregated, there was little desire to push ahead on the second half.

But onwards and upwards we had to go. The second half consisted of the walkers trail with some long falsies. It was mainly on road (unless you call the old railway line a track with cars whizzing along it). Once on the main road, we did indeed see Sadist's giraffes, all stiff and out of place - why had they strayed from the forest? After this, it was an easy trot back to Mme Mouton's for the more important part of the hash - the onon.

Once all accounted for (nobody seems to have been lost to the killer giraffes), Padre assembled the hashers for the circle. And the misrepresentation of the proceedings starts here:
  • Hares Mme Mouton & Sadist, with help from Confusion

  • Birthdays for Little Baby Jesus, Sergio, Mme Mouton, Iron Lady (surrogate for her soon to be ex husband - see below), Nijinski

  • Waiting for her husband to die - Iron Lady

  • Lots of hot air (balloons) - Farty Bum

  • Breaking out from the walkers trail "I believe I can run" - Fly Me & Iron Lady

  • Returners - Scriptease, Nijinski, Wuff Diva, Flopper, Mme Mouton

  • Mugless - Wuff Diva, Jobsworth, Flopper, Mme Mouton, Mad Max

  • Extreme late cummer - MerryDick

  • Sow nominations were Farty Bum for upsetting small children, Padre for multiple crimes, Jobsworth for accusing Padre of short cutting & then worsening the situation by calling him a B*stard. And the winner was, quite rightly, Padre.


Circle over, we assembled in Mme Mouton's house for absolutely scrumptious Pea Soup (no fog), Spicy Asian Soup, more gluhwein and mince pies. Thanks to Mme Mouton for an excellent start to the festivities and please note, that as a token of my gratitude, I did not once mention the overly complicated directions to the hash. What was wrong with "Take the road from Vence to Tourettes, turn left after the fire station & then let Farty Bum guide you"...........!!!!!
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R*n 689: NEXT HASH 15 -Jan

First Hash of 2012 by
Cum Cum and Fly-Me
aided and abetted by Dancing Scrubber

Sunday 15th January 2012
Meet 10.30 -11am at Mandelieu

Contact Hare on 06 76 94 69 69 or amanda.field31@gmail.com

Its been simply weeks since our last Hash (thanks to the Hash 2012 diary not corresponding with the rest on planet Earth!) and that was last year on Christmas Eve, all thanks to Madame Mouton. Time you all dusted off your running/walking shoes and got limbered up for the first Hash of the New Year. Its definitely not a buggy friendly, flip flop friendly, kinda hash so before you all moan its too long, too hard (will she be there??) its time you blew off the cobwebs and started thinking about your fitness after the excesses of the holiday period, so with that in mind we have devised this Hash to get you all back in shape. Wear sensible footwear, bring your walking poles if you have them, and your mountaineering kit (oxygen masks, ropes etc).

OnOn will be back down at La Napoule port at the restaurant L'Annexe (our first ever visit so please all behave!) where you can sit next to and admire all the luxury yachts whilst picking your own menu - and then pay your own bill, easiest simplest solution when it has only just reopened a day or so ago so no time to sort out a menu! But main courses range from 10€ - 18€, desserts 6€ - 8€ and 50cl pichet of wine at 7.50€

Hash Run directions:
Leave A8 at Mandelieu Centre/La Napoule junction 40, get into the left hand lane and pass around the one way system on the N7 (direction Géant, golf and La Napoule) so the petrol station is always on your left. Get into the right hand lane and carry along Mandelieu main street, passing 2 sets of traffic lights, pass under a bridge and straight across at the roundabout with palm trees. At the next roundabout with tin statues playing golf take the 1st exit direction Fréjus, so the BP garage is on your left onto the RN7 (or RN6007 as its is now known) Immediately pass set of traffic lights then Géant on your left with roundabout and across another set of lights. Approx 1km later, turn off to the left (sign posted tennis club, Domaine de Barbossi and DFCI Piste de Carniere) where the main road bends to the right. Drive down small path past tennis club on your right to the end by the barrier and park.

Restaurant directions:
Turn right out of lane onto RN7. Turn RIGHT at 1st set of traffic lights direction La Napoule. Go to end and at roundabout take 1st right, past campsite, round bend, across set of lights to roundabout with large anchor, turn left (2nd exit) to La Napoule on coast road. Go down hill, past chateau on right then try and park by port and beaches. If this area is full then turn left signposted Restaurant L'Oasis. Pass restaurant and cross small roundabout to end, turn left then there is a large free parking on your right before the bridge.
L'Annexe Restaurant is down the stairs into the port area, to the left of the underground car park area. You can park here but you pay.


Contact Hare on 06 76 94 69 69 or amanda.field31@gmail.com