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Never Cums

We came, we crawled, we conquered

I don't know about anyone else, but I always thought of Dirty Dingus as a man of integrity and honesty. So when he said that the run would be flat, I took the joke about "except for the flat bits" at face value and then struggled around the definitely-not-flat trail around Opio and Châteauneuf.

The first challenge was to find other hashers in the devilishly maze-like car park of Casino in Opio. Having gone round it 3 times, I finally recognised a few people who looked like hashers. (To be clear, I first went to a different car park with a different group of joggers who were doing warming up exercises - Sh*t of the week offences in my book).

Having found the pack, we stayed in the bright November sunshine until Padre was ready to whistle the start (on time of course!). A review of the runners & walkers revealed the usual suspects, except for one ex-Sunday papers editor who was impersonating Pedo.

Pedo & Asian Babe                  Ex Sunday Times Ed

Shurely shome mishtake?

Whistle blown, off it was "in absolutely the wrong direction" according to Pedo, who should know about such things as he is the bier meister. The start was flat, as promised and Wedgie showed us his athletic prowess by sprinting off Usain Bolt style towards Valbonne.
Pedo was disgusted by this & refused to take part in such competitive running, whilst continuing to insist that we were making a big mistake. But he must have been wrong because Wedgie kept checking the good trails further and further away from Châteauneuf. So confident was he that our resident Duracell Bunny aka Cumalot joined the fray and pelted away at full speed.
The serious runners hung back, notably Padre who claims that he has a nose for Dingus's trails. Sure enough, after a km or so of leg stretching, the trail headed back north and U-P-H-I-L-L. Dingus, you lying b*&^%$d!. The trail really did go upwards through beautifully kept hedgerows. So steep was the uphill that even Perpetch & Supermarket Trolley stopped running.
Eventually, the pack met with the walkers for a bit of respite - or was it? Nope, we kept going uphill until, eventually, we started going down the other side.
Now, some of you might think that this had been enough histrionics for one day, but not a bit of it.....a very simple check that took a small alley between the houses flummoxed our resident Nuclear Physicist Cumalot & Bier Meister Pedo, who never found the trail & headed up the main road to the beer stop. They were so far in front that the beer car was almost dry when the rest of us reached it!
Having lost 2 intrepid souls, the pack regrouped & criss crossed the walkers' trail, marvelling at the beautiful scenery around us. Eventually, FRBs Supermarket Trolley & Jobsworth came to an abrupt halt because they were challenged by a snarling dog. Being the wimps they are (Jobsworth in particular) they waited for the pack to catch up and challenge the dog as a group - by which point it had lost interest & rolled over onto its back.
After this, it was a further "simple" climb to the wonderful view stop in Châteauneuf, where cold beer accompanied hot sun and stories of "why we got lost despite a very well marked trail" from Cumalot & Pedo.
The second half was a simpler affair, being downhill (except for the ups!). It was enlivened by Padre continuing to insist that he could read Dingus's mind - and failing at every attempt; also, Supermarket Trolley & Jobsworth missed an arrow & went off trail because they were engrossed in discussing the virtues of Ferguson & Mancini (who's not going to make Europe - Both of you!!!).
Back at the bottom of the hill, it was a simple trot back to the car park and the down downs in the autumn sun.

And so to the circle, hopefully better represented here than normal as I actually have Padre's notes!
Hare - Dingus. Thanks for a great run, even more thanks because co-hare Fairy Plongeur had to pull out due to pulling his back whilst playing tennis (or bedroom exercises?)
Run Reports - Jobsworth & Sneaky B'stard (I think)
Non appearance of previous run report - Dingus Visitors - Jason & Wedgie
Note to Padre - your writing is even worse than mine & that takes some doing!
Dog napping - Jason
Cross Dressing - Perpetual Motion
Birthday (21 again.....) - Fly Me
Sh*t of the week nominations:
Dirty Dingus for no run report
Sneaky Bastard for playing with himself
Perpetch (apparently though I don't remember it!) for calling nerd names
And the winner was........our hare, Dirty Dingus

Run & Circle over, it was time for some grub at the local tennis club.
A great thanks again to Dirty Dingus for a sterling effort of a hash

Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
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R*n 687: NEXT HASH 11 -Dec

This sunday's hash will be starting from the usual car park on the biot valbonne road, meet 10.30 for 11.00 start.
to get to car park , get to Biot, carry straight on, on road to Valbonne.
After last traffic light leaving Biot the road starts to go downhill, and then goes uphill, and swings round in a right hand bend, and just as you get out of this bend there's a car park on your right, or if you don't like that one there is another on your left, take your pick.
The fun part of the hash, that is the eating and drinking afterwards will occur in the "Toscana", a really nasty restaurant on the RN7 , where you will have the choice of a menu at 14.50€ or a menu at 19.50€, both menus include starter , main course and dessert, wine is 7.50€ for 50cl, so the whole deal is not too expensive and at least you have a choice. If the menus don't turn you on they also have a buffet plus dessert deal for about 12€ I seem to remember.

Really fussy hashers can order à la carte, because this is not a negotiated deal, as after spending at least 3 hours trying to find a restaurant that opens on sunday and is willing to put up with a bunch of hashers, I gave up and settled for this place, where we have already eaten at least once in the dim and distant past.
The run itself will be a gentle stroll through the famous rain forest that surrounds the brague, Biot's answer to the Amazon, and I'm not talking about that website where you can buy books and CD's. Like Dingus's run this one will also be flat apart from the uphill and downhill bits,but as most rivers are smart enough to flow gently downhill, there will be a lot less of the uphill and downhill bits, though I've managed to find a few to stop you getting too bored.
Bearing in mind that the kindest way of describing the average age of our happy band, would be " post adolescent ", this run will not in any way resemble a training course for marathon runners, so you can all bring your aged relatives, or mothers in law, without too much risk of a fatal accident.
By special arrangement with his holiness, the Pope, any hashers who decide not to attend this hash will be excommunicated, with specil thanks to his Popiness, so you've been warned !!
That nice Mr Obahama also said he would be very disappointed if any american hashers decided not to turn up, and he might have to have a word with the CIA or the FBI or some other government run hit squad if he heard about it.

ON ON Pedo