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Never Cums

There I am, minding my own business, just casually asking Prestressed if there was a run report for the Cumalot and Family run, as I had not see one, and then to be subtly informed that there was not and he was pleased I was volunteering.

So, working on the principle that something is better than nothing, unless it is a S.T.D., here is your antibody to the Hashing virus.

Some really good forward planning in evidence as the run start time was at the ungodly hour of 1100hrs,. due to it being the hottest day of the year.
However, the planning failed to take into account the logistics of placing the the contents of beer stop at the correct location, or the fact that the car park would be full of poxy tourist, or that Supermarket Trolley decided, as it later transpired, to misplace her car keys.

So, thirty minutes late, a motley crew trundle out of the car park, minus Super Market Trolley and her Knight in shining Armour, well more like tatty running kit actually, with Confusion's grandson, Furby, getting under everyone's feet just like Dyson, leading the way.
Padre was given the onerous task of baby sitting the afore mentioned grandson by the proud grandmother who gleefully informed him that he wanted to be a distance runner when he grew up. I don't know why she picked on Padre, but Padre did not seem to mind. Maybe he had a cunning plan?

At the first check the runners were acutely aware that the Baou of St. Jeanette was looming high above them. The first three or four checks were negotiated with ease as the more experienced Hashers were quite familiar with the trail leading to the top. Padre also took this opportunity to tell Furby where the real trails were, but, he should run along the other trails to find the large X whilst the others caught up. All part of the educational process and cunning plan.

Jamie, Prestressed's son, all the way from the U.S. of A was persuaded to pace himself and that no way was he capable of keeping up with ten year old, Furby.
This was tactfully done by saying he should wait for his father.
Twenty minutes into the run and the runners are winding their way slowly up, with only Furby running the false trails, when they realise that the walkers are on the trail way down below, therefore they are not actually going to the top.

With this Eureka moment the next few check are easy, as the runners continue along the contour, aware that at some point soon they must descend towards the L.W. B. below.
The next thing we know is the walkers and runners are coming together from opposite directions. Obviously some serious handbag discussions, and shopping talk,on the walker's trail as they appear, as is frequently the case, disorientated.

The L.W.B. are pointed in the right direction with the knowledge the hares are bringing up the rear and thus able to lead them from the wilderness.
The runners continue on down, followed by more down and then even more down which is extremely worrying as from here, cue song, "The only Way is Up".
For those of you who have never been to a Gay Disco............


It is at this point Prestressed and Jamie become involved in a serious debate, so serious they even forget to look for the flour and hence the mysteries of Leg spin against left handers in the forthcoming England v India test match obliterate their need to follow the trail. More of this later.

Some more deviousness from the Hare and this time he sends the front runners around in a biggish loop which allows the Night in Tatty Running kit to catch up and become a F.R.B. which is a big relief to the small pack as there is now somebody else to run the false trails.
A further twenty minutes or so and the first runners and walkers arrive at the beer stop, with the remainder arriving at regular intervals. Well that is all except Jamie and Dad..
After a thirty minute wait the executive decision is to continue and Paedophil to volunteer to remain with the beer car just long enough to allow the remainder to reach the finish and for him to be there the same time as they arrive. In other words Paedophil did not fancy running the second half.
A devious return, up and more up, followed by more up, much of it up the numerous stairs in the lower levels of the narrow streets and then into the village itself.
More than one person stopped, claiming to admire the stunning views from the various vantage points, with a few more telling the truth and that they needed oxygen masks.

All safely returned to the car park when the decision was taken to hold the circle at Cumalot's.

Down Downs; (from memory so forgive me if I missed any)

Hares; Cumalot and Undergrowth
Catering; Cums Quicker
Returners; Merrydick, Roseanne, Flour Power, Iron Lady, Maneater.
Merrydick; Trying to persuade Olga from the Volga to take her clothes of.
Prestressed and Jamie; delaying the beer stop.
Skinny Ah So and Senior Pegg for what I know not.
Virgin; Olga from the volga.
S.O.T W. Nominations ; Paedophil, Undergrowth, and Merrydick.

And the clear winner was Merrydick for failing to look after his Virgin.
(There were one or two who would have helped out if he had only asked !) The Down Down being administered by Olga from the Volga herself.

We all then tucked into the excellent spread, prepared by the Cumalots.

Many thanks to all who contributed and for all their hard work in making the day such pleasurable pain.
Your efforts were appreciated. (When are you doing the next one? You will need a house warming party !)

Supermarket Trolly later discovered her keys locked into the space between the boot, (trunk for the Americans) and the body of the car.
Thank you for all those who assisted in the car's recovery. See, she really is a blonde.

And, most importantly, England are now number one in the world after going three nil up in the series. But we will not mention the Rugby though, will we?

Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
To see what world hash events are coming up, check out this website:
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Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

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R*n 675: NEXT HASH 7 -Aug

Aleady Run.