RIVIERA HASH TRASH 673
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Those in attendance for run number 673, Quality not quantity.

Dirty Dingus, Sudsucker, Peadophil, Supermarket Trolley, Perpetual Motion, Sadist, Virgin Mouth, Farty Bum, Dire Rear, Tosspot, Cathy No Name Maio, Long & Hard, Cumalot, Merrydick, Charlie No Name, Padre, Confusion.


Why can't Hashers manage to arrive at the run site on time and pay Farty Bum to enable the run to start on time? Once again the start was delayed as we waited for tardy participants.

If Perpetual Motion can manage it, all the way from Les Arc, cycling up a hill the Tour de France would be proud of, why can't others, living much closer and arriving by car, get their asses into gear sooner?

Rant over !

Fortunately it was a bright summers day, clear blue skies, wonderful scenery, relatively cool because of the altitude and mid morning start, (Not mid morning if you are called Perpetual Motion ) so not too much discomfort waiting to start. The running conditions were excellent, just a pity the condition of the runners were not excellent also.

Eventually the "off " was given, the pack split 50% runners, 50% walkers, the runners sprinting out of the car park, over the wall, desperately trying to impress, alas with all the gymnastic agility of a geriatric gerbil, until out of sight of the walkers where the pace slowed somewhat, until the first check towards the observatory........ Surely not !
All that way just to have a view stop and given the average speed of the L.W.B., I could not imagine the walkers managing to reach the summit before Christmas.
Sadist and Perpetual motion called Dirty Dingus and Sud Sucker's bluff and ran the falsie up the hill, much to the Hare' s delight.
Not ones to want to see their falsies go to waste. It was then a biggish loop, far enough away from the walkers trail to double back and then to run back along the road to join it, thus giving the walkers a ten minute start. Then it was down the walkers trail until the main road was reached and another check.

The roadside check had been fully investigated by Padre as he arrived there a good five minutes before the other runners.
No, he is not that fit, or crafty short cutting, but it was he, the Dastard. who had caused the start to be delayed. Using all his years of experience he managed to find the walker's trail to get in front of the runners which he was to regret as he found the longish false trail designed to bring all the runners back together.

The walkers, at this point, were nowhere to be seen and could only be assumed to be further up the trial, but how, it was hard to imagine. Surely we were not that slow as runners? Well ask Cumalot he knows. So, we are now progressing below the other observatory, the one on the other hill, not to be confused with the other observatory on the other hill, passing through a series of checks which each time we think is sure to be up to the observatory, after all tradition should be maintained but no, we continue straight on.

The last check directly below the observatory and for sure it is up this time. The mad scientist must have thought they had found alien life as they watched us, through their telescope no doubt, scurry around like ants below them.
Sure enough there were the white marks which Charles N N decided was the trail. Closer inspection soon established this was, in fact, a cunning ruse by the Hares to use natural geological markings to confuse the already confused. By now the Hares had achieved about 110% success rates with their false trails. The Super Market Trolley and Paedophil, by managing to avoid any serious checking, had remained fresh and decided that the real trail was 180 degrees from the up version. Not wanting to participate in any up, all the others joined in for a gentle jog to the Beer Stop.
Well, all except Cumalot, who no doubt is in serious training preparing for his trail next time, somehow manage to loose sight of the others to the extent Dirty Dingus eventually felt sufficiently moved regarding Cumalots plight he left the Beer Stop to look for him.
Surprising how fast Cumalot can move when he knows a beer is in front of him. He whizzed into the clearing like a Cheetah on Clembuterol.

A pleasant 40 minutes rest and recuperation, ten if you are Cumalot, and the second tranche commences. Just a gentle scramble, like a herd of mountain goats with Zimmer frames, in a large loop for the runners, trying desperately not to break an ankle on the corrugated terrain with the walkers cutting a parabolic curve, (short cutting) inspecting the wonderfully blooming, Lavender which was so pungent in full flower. It seemed as if the Bee population is not diminishing after all given the numbers present.
Maybe we should have been up here twenty years ago and then we could have compared numbers. Any budding apiarists out there?
( We probably were up there twenty years ago but not whilst the Lavender was in flower,Ed.)

According to Dirty Dingus' measuring machine, the trail was about 9km. without running unmarked falsies. So, an invigorating 10km. for most of us. A few more for Cumalot and a few less for Padre, who was heard to remark that the trail was of the perfect length. Well, for him maybe, and, if Perpetual Motion knew then he was, going to be given a lift back home maybe he would have exerted himself on a few more checks.

Lies, dammed lies, statistic, and Down Downs;.

Inattention -- Farty Bum (asking why Cumalot was the RA when Dingus was present)

Hares -- Dingus and Sudsucker

Diving over rocks and rolling around -- Sadist Rocking and Rolling, ( Paedophil went to the beer car and played Blue Suede Shoes especially for Sadist to drink by as we were all either too young or too senile to remember the words.)

Destroying the environment -- Tosspot and Cathy Maio.

Dog pissing on cooler, and laughing about it -- Dire Rear (beer polluter and animal abuser)

Mug Offenses;
Mug less -- Merrydick,
Padre,-- Losing his before he "lost" it at the last Hash and "found " by Dirty Dingus and therefore having two commemorative hash drinking vessels,

Padre again.Late cummer (for only the second time ever with the Riviera hash, and after preaching against late cummers at the last run)

Mountain Goat FRB -- Charlie

Caterer -- Confusion, praised in advance for her wonderful spread. The food was not bad either.

4th of July and Canada Day -- Charlie and Farty Bum

Two Wheelers -- Merrydick, Perpetual Motion, Charlie. (According to Padre is was all those B**tards on two wheels which caused him to take two hours forty minutes to get to the run site)

Hares, -- Risk aversion, eliminating the possibility of any adrenalin flowing and doing a big circuit away from the beehives.

Hairy monsters -- Bearded Merrydick and Mustache-less Padre

Shit of the Week.
Nominations -- Confusion for arriving (quite) late with the food.
Padre for complaining that the run did not start on time when the reason we started late was because we were waiting for HIM.

And the winner by a short head...............Padre.

Many thanks to the Hares for and enjoyable run with due consideration taken because of the elevated temperatures. ( What they really said was," We did not want any dead bodies all the way up there as they would be a pain to move".

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R*n 674: NEXT HASH 24 -Jul

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