RIVIERA HASH TRASH 672
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Dingus & Sudsucker
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All Attendees (if your name is not mentioned - nothing to do with me! -Never Cums)
Dingus & Sudsucker
Jobsworth, Never Cums & Lazy Gaga
Cumalot, Cumskwicker, Cell Kween & Undergrowth
Quaillewd & virgin male friend
Choir Boy, Mother T, Naomi & Edwin
Jean-Pierre, Jordan, Sarah & Maxime Deligny
Sneaky Bastard & Jingle Balls
Dire Rear & Tosspot
Long & Hard
C More Pussy
Two Cheeky & Serge
Chris & Val Oliver
Hash Fanny & Disco Dave
Archiballs & Whingy la Pooh
Anne of Cleavage and Shepherd's Bush
Golden Drizzle & Slung Low
Welcome to a run report that has had a special input from guest editor Padre. In fact, it is he, no less, who suggested the title without a hint of irony. He claims that it is a Buddhist mantra, but I think that the Buddhists forgot an important point. The mantra should read "Life is a pain, suffering is optional, but not after you have committed to a Prestressed run in June".
Yep folks, the run was touted as a flat and easy 11 km in the shade and it certainly would have been so had the heat not been accounted for. It was an incredibly hot & sticky day in the Haute Siagne. So hot and sticky, in fact, that some runners decided to stay cool by dispensing with the trainers & running in flip flops!
The start point was in the back of beyond, somewhere between Montauroux and Norway. Despite this, the weather was definitely tropical (did I mention this already?) and the car park was jam packed with hashers old and new. I haven't seen such a turnout for years and cannot believe that it was for the return of the prodigal son, aka Padre......more likely it was for the promise of a great restaurant - and, of course, the memory of Big End. Padre started proceedings bang on time. He was heard to mutter how things have gone downhill since he left and insisted on the restitution of military precision to the hash, regardless of there seeming to be some missing hashers.
The run started with the promise of being easy (if not Padre would suffer the forfeit of a Down Down for every hill on the walkers trail) and there was plenty of warm water to give away. There was also a car laden with ice but no drinks to cool...but more of this later. The walkers went one way and the runners went....more or less the same way having spent the first 10 minutes checking falsies through the shiggy. Welcome back Padre, how we have missed your "runs"! (You have to let the late comers catch up somehow, Ed.)
It soon became apparent that the run was indeed not very hilly, ( The first half was a gentle up, all the way and the return a gentle down, all the way, Ed ) and also that the runners trail was the walkers trail with some extra loops. Collisions were frequent and Quaillewd was dismayed that her dramatic tumble neither drew blood nor was witnessed by enough people.
Talking of tumbles, the RH3 tumbler extraordinaire made an appearance some 15 minutes after the start of the hash. Yes, Sadist appeared from nowhere, as did Prestressed, who was meant to be the hare. Apparently, Farty Bum also made a similarly late appearance but disappeared after she had carried out Paedophil's duties as Beermaster for a three hour drive to sing somewhere up in the mountains. (Your voice is not that bad Farty Bum that you have to drive three hours so we do not hear it., Ed ) What the flippin' 'eck was going on?
It turns out that a saga had unfolded before the start. Cumalot was meant to bring ice to the hash, but gave the pathetic excuse of roads being closed due to the Nice Ironman for being late (actually participating in the Ironman would have been an acceptable excuse). Sadist was stand in beer meister and waited as long as he could to drive the car to the beer stop with Prestressed. As a result of Cumalot's dithering to get to the start, they returned to the start point - late and to find that Padre had started the run. Needless to say, Prestressed was very calm about the situation and absolutely not fuming at Padre!
Back on trail, we followed the old Roman aqueduct until we came to a check that led down to a waterfall and a wonderful swim spot. Amazingly, despite the heat, nobody did any more than say "how lovely" and ignore the water, apart from a few hardy souls in the second wave to reach the swim stop. Apparently the first runners were more content to "race" to the beer rather than partake of nature. (There was some funny nature going on there then! Ed)
The first half continued in the same vein until we finally reached the beer car - parked in the blazing sunshine, (There was no alternative, see the bit about "No access") and with no ice to cool the beers. Somebody smart (so it can't have been me!) had the excellent idea of moving all the beer into the shade, where we waited for hours for the walkers to arrive. And arrive they did, all alone, in twos, chatting, yapping, in their usual style!
( Is it a co-incidence the two runners who made it to within 100 metres of the beer stop but went the wrong way because they were too busy chatting were of the female persuasion? No names but it looked like Mother Teresa and Fly Me to me, Ed.)
Eventually part 2 commenced, with a route that largely retraced the walker's trail all the way back to the start, apart from the only serious up on the whole trail where the runners had a panoramic view of the whole valley if they could see through the sweat. It must be said that the flour markings were not always clear, so Padre, who was shepherding the runners, stated that it was not his fault as he was only co-hare. Hmmmm, a bit of buck passing going on, methinks!
( Of course, what do you think co hares are for,: Padre)
By the end of the trail, 11 or 12km felt like twice or even three times the amount, despite having not had too many hills to climb and even being in the shade for most of the time. Pity the poor Ironmen that Cumalot could have joined!
Hash over, it was time for a very, very elongated circle in which many members threatened to pass out through heat exhaustion. As ever, the list of crimes escapes me so make do with this!
Most importantly, the turn out was to give thanks to Big End, who was hopefully sniggering at the exploits from the great hash in the sky. Many, many thanks & fond memories of a great hasher, organiser, cook, beer meister & general good egg.
Down Downs. Do not feel aggrieved if you have been missed, there were just too many to remember.
Hares - Chief hare; Prestressed & General cock up by Padre
Special thanks to Prestressed for completing the trail at short notice, especially after two thirds of the planned route were placed out of bounds by the sudden appearance of the water company?s "NO ENTRY" notices.
Sadist presented Hash necklaces to Golden Showers and Long & Hard.
Wet Spot for an upside down necklace. In his defence he said that when he fell over Hashers could read his name.
Sneaky Bastard for running the second half. ( See it could not have been a difficult trail, Ed.)
"Golden Drizzle", named and the naming carried by Padre despite her protests -"not on my hair, I've just done it" -(quote remembered by Never Cums)
He also gave her a most important souvenir to take to college with her, a key ring bottle opener.
She then named her Father, " Low Slung", following Padre?s example but she was not quite as gentle with her Father as Padre was with her ! I hope as he reads this the flour is no longer matted to his hair like a soggy vol au vent
Returners info needs corroboration by FB but they included Mother T & Choirboy, Quaillewd, Assessaguy, Procul, Padre, Long & Hard, Roadrunner, Kums Kwicker, Never Cums and many more I'm sure.
Virgins info also needs FB corroboration but Quaillewd seems to have made them all come, so she must be a very tired but happy hasher!
Jean Pierre wanting to know why we all had different names and were not all called Jean Pierre.
Jean Pierre's son, Jean Pierre for completing the whole run in Flip Flops. (See I told you it was not a hard run), contrary to Mme. Mouton who wanted to know why we did not have transport back from the beer stop !
Virgin Mouth for wanting to know why there was no flour on the trail she was following.
Shit of the Week Nominations;
Jean Pierre, competiveness, Golden Drizzle, patricide and Sneaky Bastard for ????? and losing his Hash mug.
The winner by a huge margin,,,,,,,,,,,,a well deserved "Sneaky Bastard".
Prestressed gave a little speech reminding every one why they were there and raised a toast to "BIG END".
Padre would like to thank all of you for a wonderful send off for Big End; she would have appreciated your efforts to attend (and in some cases your efforts to get around the circuit).
He would have liked to have said a few words but could not find the courage.
Thank you all for coming. Padre
If anyone would like to make a contribution in memory of Big End, her wish was that donations be made to the hospice organisation that took care of her in her final days. Details are:
329, Harrogate Road, Moortown, Leeds LS17 6QD, UK Tel: 0113 218 5500 Fax: 0113 218 5502
Registered Charity No. 1015941 - Company Limited by Guarantee - Registered in England No. 2773867 - Registered Office as above
This is their web site;
And this is the page if anyone wishes to donate;
Swish Nash Hash 2011. 1 - 3 July
Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
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Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 673: NEXT HASH 10 -Jul
Meet at 11:00 for 11:30
Last time we had a Roman aquaduct, this time we have a Roman road, also beautiful views, cool breezes*, sheep** and probably loads of paragliders overhead.
If you want to eat for cheap you must reserve in advance
The post run nosh is a picnic catered by Confusion (06 80 71 40 32 firstname.lastname@example.org). If you want to eat at the bargain price of €10 you must contact either the hare or Confusion by end of Thursday July 7th. This will also allow you to state whether you are vegan, vegetarian, (humanitarian, martian...). Those who do not reserve will be charged €20 if there's any food to serve them.
For your comfort and convenience it is recommended that you bring something to sit on while eating and a parasol to keep the sun off your delicate skin
*for hot air just ask your local politician
Go to Gourdon. (From A8 exit 44 -Antibes - go to Valbonne, then Opio, then Chateuneuf, then take D4 to Gourdon)
Turn onto D12 (Direction Caussols) at the rondpoint at the edge of the village
Wiggle your way up and up until bored. Then continue until you enter a slightly wooded area and see this junction:
Turn left (Obersavtiore Amateur) and continue a few hundred meters until you see a flour arrow to the left
Turn left, look for hashers, park.