RIVIERA HASH TRASH 664
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Nevertheless, the aforementioned lumbered split-hare will sally forth with a brief recounting of events on the 6th march 2011 Hash.
EXCELLENT BRILLIANT occasion organized by Cum Cum and Flyme with EXCELLENT AND BRILLIANT help from Dancing Scrubber (....hey, have discovered an advantage of writing our own report, one can just drip with self praise - so ignore comments earlier). All started on what turned out to be a beeeeeeeautiful sunny day (or course this was also EXCELLENTLY BRILLIANTLY arranged by the aforesaid hares) starting near the rather pleasing ivy covered elephant in Pegomas.
After some discourse between Cum Cum and Scrubber re the size of their holes, (in the flour containers..what were you thinking?) six leapers and a raggle of striders (or straggle of riders?) set forth over massive obstacles in the kids' park, alongside the raging torrent of the Siagne River, down seriously precipitous steps..... It must be noted at this point that the split-hare (being an extremely diligent and efficient creature) was scribbling away to store all those clever little anecdotes in which you revel BUT the hieroglyphics/runes are totally and utterly illegible - so will rely on razor sharp memory.
So where were we - oh yes scrabbling down precipitous slopes.
It was noted by several (Merry Dick amongst them) that this was the most beautiful hash since Corsica - I think most of us will be in agreement with that. Really fabulous spot and we all want to try out that resto. by the river? L'Ecluse was it?.....
Added to the hieroglyphs/runes was a scribbling by Dark and Moist that the Scrubber had been hoping for a few broken ankles and wrists from one of the two horrendous loops (two loops lowtrek/Lautrec - now who came up with that one? - oh yes Licky Dicky of course) that the runners were going to have to face.. Luckily this remark went unnoticed by others and the Scrubber got away with it - phew.... (also luckily there were actually no broken ankles and wrists...........)
In the event, after all that slogging up and down the aforesaid loop the day before and much gnashing of teeth to discover the trail which had been buried in a landslide, only ONE hasher did it (the loop!) - SUDSUCKER - for which she gets a special mention in dispatches later. Well done Sudsucker! Whilst on the subject of Sudsucker (gosh she gets mentioned rather too much here)........it would appear she had a most disturbing experience......whilst whizzing down a mimosa clad hill in her normal far too rapid mode - low and behold, there in front of her was a bare BUTT in the middle of her route - presumably a French b.b. as proper butts would go hide themselves in the bushes....... somewhat nonplussed, Sudsucker decided to dispense with the normal polite 'bonjour Madame' (well would you say bonjour to a butt?) averted her eyes and somehow managed to recover from this unpleasant interlude to stagger (no longer whizzing) on down the hill.......
To revert to the chronological order of things......en route to the beer, up we climbed to the gorgeous little village of Auribeau, from whence another slippery slope should have been challenged but no, the wimpy walkers (not Scrubber, let it be noted) all opted for the safe option - now why didn't they get a down down for that??
Again more EXCELLENT BRILLIANT organization meant that all arrived at the beer stop at more or less the same time......
Then one would hope for a nice gentle stroll on, but no.......up a massive mountain - at least 17000metres high, with massive gaping ditches and mud holes - albeit with AMAZING BLINDINGLY BRIGHT MIMOSA everywhere. (luckily we had our sunglasses). Yet another thoughtful touch by the hares - carpets of yellow blossom here and there..........There was a remarkable lack of whingeing/griping about the vertiginous slope, except from Skinny Arsehole of course. (oops don't get upset SA but I gather this is not at all the correct spelling!)
On too the circle hmm.... now it's over to our ever able R.A. Pedo's hieroglyphs (couldn't spell that when I started - can now) First thing EXCELLENT BRILLIANT AND VERY YUMMY chocolate and lemony cakes provided by the aforementioned and wrongly spelled Skinny ArseHole, together with champagne - it would appear the hash had yet another birthday (it's23rd - blimey getting on a bit......) - Merry Dick came out with a rather lame Happy Birthday song - but he very much redeemed himself later on, regaling us in his extremely dulcid tones, with more appropriate airs.....
Not sure of any other crimes etc. on the trail (were crimes mentioned? Hmm.... bad R.A.ing Pedo??) but generally speaking the leapers and riders were praiseful of the trail, albeit somewhat mixed up now and again with arrows and all sorts of other odd signs (artistic?) going in a multitude of directions...but hey - they made it and seemed to approve.
For the hares, disgustingly renamed 'clitoris allsorts' by Pedo for the occasion - will this stick?- oh God turn off the imagination......
For the various lame ducks that turned up at this point - Serge and Too Cheeky, Shepherd's Bush - think they got a downdown for this? One assumes? Can't remember. (what happened to the razor??) Too Cheeky did apparently have a very valid excuse, so I guess we'll let her off.....
Returners were Licky Dicky, Happy Hooker, Dark and Moist and Shepherd's Bush.
There were a couple of remote downdowns for our sommelier, Toss Pot for being somewhat tardy with the champagne pouring and also a certain little dog that peeed (just how many ees do we need here?) on the champagne - did you notice it had a rather unusual taste??
Oh and a special downdown for Sudsucker (yes her again) for having run all the way from Tokyo (that's why her feet were wet ) and Perpetch who'd apparently done the same but on a bike?? Hmmmm suspicious?......
Also, as mentioned earlier, Sudsucker was the only one to venture round THE loop - landslides and all - so I THINK she also got a downdown for that - if she didn't then she jolly well should have..good for you suds! And a special honorific prize to Happy Hooker of a seriously difficult, complicated, high brow, very pink Rubicks's Cube - there was mention of blondes? And I think the word 'thick' came up? But beyond that I forget?? No doubt Happy Hooker will be delighted to reenlighten us on our next meeting???
The quickest executive shit of the week decision we ever did see - taken by Pedo? to all the walkers who'd got lost/abandoned on the previous hash - the split-hare cannot report on that, having been safely ensconced in a market in Frejus at the time, but looking at the last hash report - it would appear there had been HIGH drama...... luckily there were far too many of these SOWs to do THE ceremony, (thank God they all said).....
Think that's about it - then on to a not 'arf bad lunch in L'Ideal in Pegomas - all very convivial.....
Many thanks to Cum Cum and Flyme (and the split-hare) - you did a good job....we'll look forward to the next one......
Oh and apologies Pedo, contrary to your advice, the odd word of more than one syllable has crept in here and there, but let's give the worthy morons some credit....
Dancing Scrubber and Moya the long cockney (whom none of you will remember) will be doing the next Hash on Sunday 20th March - details later - hope to see lots of you there again.......
Monaco 23.5k, 10k, 7k or 3k. 20th March 2011
Ensemble avec Benoit. 5k or 10k run for charity. 27th March 2011
Eurohash 2011 in the Hague, 27th - 29th May 2011
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R*n 665: NEXT HASH 20 -Mar
10.30 for 11 o'clock start
Pont Sur Loup
Directions from VALBONNE
From the east side of the village, get on to the D3, signposted Chateauneuf de Grasse, Opio, Le Rouret.
Follow the D3 straight on past a multitude of roundabouts : Past Nova Jardinerie on your right and further on. the English Car Mechanics and Opio Color on your left. Thence to the Font Neuve roundabout with shopping centre to your right - on up the hill signposted Chateauneuf, Bar sur Loup.....onon - several hairpins - straight on past Intermarché etc. on the left....to the roundabout: Rond Point du Lac.
Third exit off Rond Point du Lac, signposted Chateauneuf, Bar sur Loup. At the next roundabout with a kind of stone table in the middle, keep right and get on the D2210 towards Bar sur Loup.
You'll pass the stinky V. Mane factory on your left. Straight on through Bar sur Loup. Just before the village of Pont sur Loup and just after 30 signs, (18k from the Valbonne turn off) take a left where it's signposted 'Route de l'Ancien Chemin du Fer, Chemin de la Frache, Route de Bessauran, Chemin de Paradis'...I'm assuming you'll be able to spot at least one of those....
Fairly quickly the road forks - take left fork (Chemin de Paradis) up under the bombed viaduct and up round a few fairly steep hairpins to where the road levels out - we'll meet not far along there, just by where there are some poubelles and a small clearing with bench to the right... As parking is along the road, best to car pool as much as poss...
Lunch will be at the Jarrerie - thanks Happy Hooker for suggesting that - thought it might be too expensive, but they'll do us a deal at 18E.
Any problems before, call the Hare on:
04 93 12 19 10, or immediately before/during: 06 99 70 41 64