RIVIERA HASH TRASH 655
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5/12: Dark & Moist
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Dear 'Incredible Hulk',
I hope you appreciate that this run report is being written, whilst the 'HASH' is still in full-swing at the restaurant.I am actually writing this as they eat. That's got to be a first, right?
So here goes :
In keeping with recent tradition, it was tipping it down again this 'HASH Sunday'. We even had weather warnings on the motor-way this time . All the usual stuff to discourage hashers to turn up.
Despite the weather, I really had to go this time to complain personnally to the management about the early start. Come on guys! 0930 for 1000 on a Sunday as well. That's almost earlier than I go to work normally.
We had the usual dodgy instructions. Lots of round-abouts and ambiguous turnings. I guess that's where most others got lost and gave up.When I did find the car park, at the back of 'Mandelieu', I did wonder if the whole thing had been called off.
Then I spotted just one other car, with steamy windows. Sure enough! There was 'Pedo' the 'Beermaster' with the hares 'Sneaky Bastard', 'Jingle Balls' and making her first appearance as a hare 'Golden Showers'.' Disco Dave' and 'HASH Fanny' were the next to arrive, making a special appearance to sell the last remaining tickets for the 'Christmas Party'.
Then our numbers swelled when 'Too Cheeky', 'Long and Hard' and 'Merrydick' also arrived quite decently late.
Without a designated 'Religious Advisor' we dithered around a bit, some encouraging us to do no running and only walking, while others showed inappropriate enthusiasm to run considering the weather. In the end, a compromise was struck and we three runners ran the first bit on the walkers trail.
This is the first time I can remember running with an umbrella on the hash.
It actually doubled as necessary weight training for those wobbly bits on the arms, given that the all-revealing Christmas party is already next week.
Running with umbrellas does look a bit 'middle-aged' to be honest, especially when you look at the various models on show.'Golden Showers' had chosen a nice red floral number to suit her outfit; 'Pedo' has a more sporting blue-checked version, whilst I showed off a boring black 'Marks & Spencers mini brolly model.
For most of the first 20 minutes, 'Golden Showers' was worried about finding the right trail, even though there was only one route. At the top of a considerable climb, we had to make a decision between the 3 routes without flour and one with flour markings. So we only just got that bit right. .
I have to apologize to my (2) coHashers for being such a pain by constantly reminding them to involuntarily run, in case the walkers saw us walking!
Unlike the standard of the running, the trail was excellent. It was very well marked, given the conditions, and cut through very beautiful countryside.
From right up high, you look down on 'Theole' and the other way over the 'Esterel' hills. We had a good view of 'Pierre Cardin's' bubbly house as well. Did you know, that there are actually two bubbly houses up there? We found another one there today.
Later we stopped for a photo shoot, at the monument to the African war. An astonishingly beautiful piece of artwork in the middle of nowhere.After paying our respects, we ran up the hill, to find the 'B' 'beer' sign in front of us.Then we spent most of the next 45 minutes looking for the beer car.
It was then we realised that hare 'Sneaky Bastard' had told 'Pedo' to have the beerstop at a different place than was agreed with his co-hare.
Only he did not tell her. So there we were in the pouring rain, searching for a 'road that went round and round and up' (according to 'Pedo'). Of course 'Pedo' had driven there himself, but he is not the hare and although he should have known where he parked his car, it was not really his role to know. (And he had been out late last night).
Finally, after a few phone calls to answering machines, we found a road that looked like the right one and a similar car.
Then for what seemed like ages, we stood around in the rain, ate crisps and drank wine. Slowly our spirits began to fall a little, with every degree the temperature dropped. Finally we heard the hare's voice and the crowd of 5 arrived.After their refreshments, everyone else bundled themselves into 'Pedo's car, but 'Golden Showers' and I braced ourselves for the runners' route back.
It took us along a very beautiful woodland path and then a descent down to the beach and along the 'sentier' back to 'Theole'.
Back at the car-park, a pact was sealed to have the circle in the 'Restaurant', only after 'Sneaky Bastard' confirmed he was volunteering himself to be 'Shit of the Week'. He did not need to volunteer, because honestly, he deserved it. Fancy not telling his (virgin) new hare where he put the beer stop.
And so to the 'circle'. This time the circle is a 'virtual' report, as I was not there, but I am sure that these 'down downs' were dutifully given in the restaurant, in accordance with the 'Hash Traditions and Code of Conduct':
'Shepherd's Bush' and 'Ann of Cleavage' for running straight to the restaurant
'Too Cheeky' 'Merry Dick' and 'Long and Hard' for being 'late comers
'Farty Bum' for getting lost and missing the whole thing - but getting there in time to take the money!!!
'Golden Showers', "Sneaky Bastard' and 'Jingle Balls' for being hares.
'Pedo' for spillage in his fancy new, plastic-lined car, so we could not even spill stuff properly
'Pedo' for naughty jokes which fortunately 'Merrydick' did not hear, as he would have brought out his reportoire before the Christmas party
'Merrydick' for turning up at the run with a banana in his hand
'No Satisfaction' for new shoes
'Jobsworth' for using a business trip as an excuse for not coming, so I had to write the report again
'Disco Dave' and 'HASH Fanny' for turning up and going before the run.
Then it was a closer than expected competition for 'shit of the week'.
'Golden Showers' unexpectedly became a very strong contestant for being observed constantly abusing her 'touch phone', blaming it for not knowing her own home telephone number. Yes! 'Ladies and Gentlemen, her own phone number!
The other contestant was of course 'Sneaky Bastard', for misplacing the beer stop. He won by a unaminous virtual vote.
As always, fine time was had by us all.. Thanks very much for a beautiful run
'On On' until the Christmas Party !
Xmas Hash bash - 4th December 2010
Nice Prom' Classic - 9th January 2011
Nice to Monaco - 6th February 2011
Monaco 23.5k, 10k, 7k or 3k. 20th March 2011
Ensemble avec Benoit. 5k or 10k run for charity. 27th March 2011
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Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 656: NEXT HASH 4 -Dec
R*n 657 5 - Dec
Saturday 4th December:
Hares: Sneaky B, Jingle Balls
Pre party hash
Meet 3.45 for 4.00 prompt for a run/walk on the Cap and there may be some mulled wine if you're lucky.
Meeting point: the naked lady on Juan les Pins seafront near the Ruban Bleu cafe Please email email@example.com if you're going, for wine buying purposes
Sunday 5th December:
Hares: Dark & Moist and Happy Hooker