RIVIERA HASH TRASH 648
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In Your Papier
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Walkers: Fairy Plunger
Runners: Farty Bum + Others
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All assembled bright and early in the nominated car park, on a wonderful day for running, in Fayence, when at 1400hrs. precisely, Perpetual Motion, effortlessly switches to military mode.
As the next run will be in Corsica, Perpetual Motion's famous, seven P's were put into action with a trail designed to replicate conditions likely to be found on the island.
However, the military genius failed to note one important P and this was that most of the runners had yet to arrive and further to that, they would only appear in Corsica.
Never mind this small detail, the assembled, small, but perfectly formed, bunch of runners were ready for his challenge.
The runners promptly set off. The walkers decided to wait, I do not know why, for Too Cheeky who had waited until now to start putting on all her athletic supports and corsetry.
Sam Fairy Ann !
By this time the runners had cleared the car park and sports complex and were busy checking up the hill towards the village of Fayence, at the top, as this is where the trail went the last time Perpetual Motion set his trail in this location.
They then discovered, to their cost, that this year's run was not going up to the village as Perpetual Motion's runner, his young nephew, "Jeronimo", was not available to do the hard running for him, marking the falsies. He did, however, employ some gray matter and a good twenty minutes later the runners, still running, were still only about 500 metres from the start.
By now the L.W.B.'s were halfway to the beer stop.
Golden Showers is now leading, taking up F.R.B. running duties but heard to be whinging about it, inconveniently forgetting that everyone else was behind her. At last the runners leave the Tar Mac and head into the cool, shaded, woodland, following a twisting footpath up beside a languid stream towards the next village of Seliene.
A now pleasant, Sunday afternoon, beside a babbling brook, gently progressing upwards, but, unfortunately, for about forty continuous minutes. But, according to Sadist, this is because we are so slow now a days and it should have only taken us about twenty minutes, maximum.
Exiting just below the village, there are a few checks in quick succession whilst Prestressed spends the time shouting at "Jake the Pegg" Dyson, to come to heel, whilst he attempts to recuperate his normal breathing pattern and then it is into decent mode, towards the old railway track.
Into the railway siding, Sadist leads the runners, scooting past an unseen cross, and disappearing into the tunnel of oblivion. Whilst looking further up the trail for his lost charges, is our Dear Leader, Perpetual Motion, worried, as it looks as if he may have to pay for non attendees dinner and he has, inadvertently, passed the runners on their long falsie without knowing it.
Runners now progressing serenely towards the beer stop and Perpetual Motion, cursing loudly, is searching behind them.
Mad Max has calculated he must be near the start and they have missed the beer stop. Padre figures either way a beer is near so there is now problem whichever way you look at it.
Golden Showers telephones ahead to book her beer and to confirm the beer stop location and as the corner is turned and the pack start to go uphill, a mirage appears, in the form of Max Wall, looking remarkably like Dark and Moist. For those of you who do not know Max Wall view this clip and pay attention to the second half when the older character appears.
See what I mean, he only needs to dye his hair black hair?
A fistful of beer gratefully swilled whilst running into to beer stop.
The sympathetic walkers shower the runners with derision as they have been waiting for more than an hour for the runners to appear and had passed the time with some Nude Formation Leapfrog tournaments in which Farty Bum instructed the participants.Thus putting all those years learning the outdoor sports, from the Canadian Tundra wilds, to good use.
One thing I remember was comming up a long hill and when we got to the top, standing around, catching our breath, waiting for the injured Two Cheeky to cath up and then Perpetual Motion (the Hare) comming along from somewhere, and Dark and Moist, A.K.A. Max Wall, stepped up behind him and quietly opened his backpack, (Perpetual Motion's) and took out a bottle of water and began drinking. "I put that in there because I was too lazy to carry it myself", said Dark and Moist "and with all the bags of flour he has in there he would not even notice all the extra weight."
And, when we reported this at the circle the bigwigs did not even consider it worthy of a Down Down !!!
Some of us newer Hasers will never understand how the Hash crime system works, (and I have been Hashing for 14 years).
And there was the injured Two Cheeky, making her way slowly up the hill with her walking sticks, carrying her own bottle of water.
At the time we were art the top of this hill perpetual Motion was saying how odd it was the runners had not appeared yet, and then just as we were moving away we heard a whistle and Perpetal Motion says, "Ahhh, they are comming." But it must have been somebody else, because we arrived at the beer stop a short time later, and talked, and ate up all the chips, and talked, and drank beer and water and Rose, and talked for almost two hours.(Somewhere between one hour and two) and still the runners did not appear.
Then suddenly Dark and Moist cried, "Here they come" and ran to the beer chest and grabbed five beers and ran, ( RAN? Ed; ) down the road to greet them. Five of the six runners came in with an open beer in their hand, so this gesture may or may not have saved their lives, but it quite possible saved Dark and Moist from the Down Down he should have got.
Padre, who has not been hashing for over a year, looked all gray and exhausted and worn out - it was the first time any of us had seen him looking old - while Sadist and Paedophil looked quiete fresh, Prestressed and Mad Max were rather red in the face and Golden Showers looked wonderful, as usual.
From the Beer stop the L.W.B. had a gentle three kilometre perambulation around the contour back to the start.
They were joined by Mad Max and Golden Showers who decided they would forgo the Corsican training and Paedophil just bottled out completely and drove back.
Perpetual Motion asked for a five minute start whilst he marked the second part of the trail. The remainder of the runners decided that competitive running was out of order and therefore set off in luke warm pursuit.
A quick loop around, then over the top, of the hill and then back down to join the walkers trail and a pleasant relaxing jog in to the end.
Sadist stood in for the absent Religious Advisor and conducted a lively circle with numerous Down Downs.
These I can remember. Please forgive me if I missed a few.
Hare; Perpetual Motion
Figus Pickus; Golden Showers, Mad Max, Paedophil and Prestressed.
Wanting a Beer; Padre
Yummi Kipper; Paedophil as the token, stand in, Jew.
Returners; Shepherds Bush, Saddle Sniffer, Rubber Maid, plus a few others, ohps.
Mugless; Sneaky Bastard and Jiggle Balls
Using Dyson to find the trail; Prestressed
Virgins; Angela, squared.
Shit of the Week; Nominations, Perpetual Motion nominated by Golden Showers as she did not like the trail. (she was, I think, tired and emotional)
Sneaky Bastard nominated by himself as he wanted a beer.
Golden Showers nominated by Padre because the hare does not get nominated. (In her defense she did not know this but she will not forget it now)
AND the winner. Unanimous decision.................Golden Showers
Circle cut short as it was food time and you should see the speed of the L.W.B."s when food was mentioned.
Off to the restaurant and meal consisting of a pleasant meat salad followed by a leg of lamb and a few creamy potatoes topped off with a desert stuffed with calories.
In between courses Sneaky Bastard discovered there was talk of the Christmas Party being moved to a new location. and if this was the case then he would either have to pay for a room or a taxi. Therefore,being a tight sod, he instigated a revolt and passed the loaded gun to Saddle Sniffer. Saddle Sniffer then pointed it back at him. See Yahoo Groups for the latest news.
New venue for most of the walkers, with great expectations of 400 year old oak trees and a fantastic old historical site for the beer stop.
The walk started out in the middle of a big forest at the sports stadium of Montauroux, the details were very precise and accurate; approximately 15 walkers.
Well thought out route through the forest giving shade almost the whole time, therefore avoiding any heat stroke problems. After about 2 kilometres on the flat we started a very steep trail down to bottom of a ravine (many thinking that with such a long way down the return would be very painful) our reward at the bottom was a beautiful river and a Roman bridge still in use. The river offered an excellent opportunity for the brave or foolhardy of the group for a refreshing swim, Pedo even trying to get a better view by jumping in from the Roman bridge with his glasses on. Luckily he was able to retrieve them from the bottom of the river prior to our departure. The return was far less of an incline than expected, many sighs of relief. All in all a good walk, long and exhausting but very enjoyable.
Nice-Cannes marathon 14th November 2010.
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Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
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Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 649, 650 & 651: NEXT HASH 1 - 3-Oct
Directions to get there as provided by Belambra are:
From Calvi (30km): N199 via I'lle Rousse direction Lozari. From Bastia (80km): N193 direction airport until Casamozza and Pont Leccia, after which follow the route in the direction of Lozari. DO NOT FOLLOW SIGNS TO THE SMALL MOUNTAINSIDE VILLAGES OF BELGODERE OR PALASCA.
The provisional timetable is as follows:
Hares: Cumalot, Perpetual Motion and Prestressed.
Arrive Club Belambra and dinner.
Friday 1 October
11h00 Hash to include lunch stop
18h00 Pre-dinner champagne and pastis reception.
Padre's All Night bar will operate subject to demand.
Saturday 2 Oct RH3 Run Number 650
10h00 Hash starts
13h00 Lunch at a local hostelry.
15h00 Hash continues
21h00 Entertainment ---- Watch this space for news and contributions from visitors welcomed.
Sunday 3 October
09h30 Departure of those taking the 11h00 ferry from Calvi.
11h30 Padre's and Wetspot's hare of the dog run, subject to demand and sobriety.
13h00 End Of.