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Run 638: Cumalot’s Backyard: La Gaude

During the preceding weak (all weeks are weak before the Hash!), there was some earnest discussion as to whether the maps would get us to the location, but seeing that the grumblings were from Padre who probably wouldn’t interrupt his vacation in the Midlands to try to find it anyway, I printed some maps; and since the instructions were basically to follow D118 or something from the A8 to the start – which didn’t make much sense – I coaxed Perpet out of his pre-grieving for his mother to navigate my way to the Hash. Using his intimate knowledge of the area, having biked it in reverse once, we eventually found the appropriate parking lot, although, being the first to leave and the first to arrive, we seriously scratched our heads and asses for a while until Cumalot and Sadist showed up, and we could feel our tension quickly dissipate in anticipation of a beautiful run along a stream of beer.

Well, that may be too much to ask, but at least the Religious Adviser (is that still Padre?), killed a chicken to impress the weather gods, and they postponed their scheduled showers until Monday. Quite nice of them actually…

Eventually, a goodly crowd of more than 20 showed up, Pedo being the last, who immediately left again behind Cumalot to deposit the beer truck. They were back quickly so my crafty mind deduced that it would be a short run with the beerstop hidden around the corner. No such luck.

Following some dubious instructions, the runners were tooted off on the first of many circles designed to give the walkers a fair advantage which kept them well beyond the reach of the runners the entire afternoon despite their inevitable tendencies to trip over their chat which walks along beside them, also oblivious to their surroundings. Since they all got back and were seemingly quiet happy, the walkers must have had an excellent stroll/chat. Especially considering the amount of TwigBits (or whatever those beastly things which looks like a straight pretzel a mouse has been nimbling on and tastes like chatshit. More on that later.

Before the runners could get anywhere near the TwigBits, they were obligate with a lot of up and down and round and round. The main trails were pretty well marked, but the loops – well, looped, with a lot of ingenious second-guessing by the intrepid pak of Cumalot, Jobsworth, Perpet, Iron Lady, Dingus, and Sud-Sucker charging along with Prestressed and Wetspot struggling to keep up with Jakey.

When after exploring both the mansion-cluttered heights or the forest-infested bottoms, we eventually crossed back behind the principal domaine, the was our Hare, calmly advising us that the walkers were at the beerstop right around the corner….and the next one and the next one – on-on for another km or so. At least this brought us to the TwigBits, which I actually tried to give away – quite unsuccessfully: the only taker was SudSucker who said she preferred them with seaweed.

At least the beerstop was a mere few hundred meters from the end – except the way the trail went: of course being mindless Hashers, we went the other way, meekly following a trail we knew was leading us farther and farther away from more beer and TwigBits. What was most insulting was the fact that the entire second half, except for a couple of fun loops (all loops are fun?), we were guided by larges W’s, but never saw any walkers, and so were left with the profound conclusion that the Runners and Walkers switched trails, obviously the Walkers being a lot faster.

Anyway, we all made it back safe and dry, (and ready for some more TwigBits) – which we’ll have to keep eating since they were purchased by the case.

The Circle was standard fare nonsense with plenty of beer and laughter sloshed around. A list of awards included the following:

  • Perpet and SkinnyA for something to do with working on May Day, to the disgust of their party compatriots.
  • Wetspot baptized his right new shoe as Cinderella.
  • The Hare, of course, who was also mugless.
  • Dyson for being addicted to TwigBits.
  • Dingus for calling for everyone to check while blindly standing on the floured trail.
  • Dingus and SudSucker were also awarded for competitive running the previous Sunday before. Dingus lost, so maybe this explains this extra-Hashial crime.
  • Two-Cheeky disrupted the walkers by talking on her phone to invite others to her birthday party.
  • A nerd-name bunch composed of Lesley, Wendy, Norman, and Chris lost interest in the proceedings, and managed to disrupt the Circle. They were set aright (or aleft?).
  • Since Wetspot was officially the scribe, he felt obligated to point out some of perceived weakness in Hash technique, such as his utter inability to draw a circle and instead modeled a wierdish rhomboid which thank goodness we never saw on trail. He also emphasized his disdain for the quality of the munchy bits – specifically the TwigBits.
  • The topic of cigars and virgins was breeched, although it was unclear whether they should be sucked on or used vibrationally (or both). Wendy, Suzanna, and Two Cheeky avowed their passion for long straight Cubanos, but failed to demonstrate anything very interesting.

A very brief moment of silence was granted to The Wolf who finally turned up his toes on a Hash. Our mugs were raised in his honor, each of us hoping to expire the same way …as long as it doesn’t happen on a false trail – which would be really bad karma.

And finally, the joyous event closed with a hotly contested race for Shit-of-the-Week, with nominees coming from most of the down-downs mentioned above. As expected, however, Petpet’s day was brightened by his attentions paid to a beautiful young Virgin: the Big Smile on his face was transformed by assuming the position and quaffing his prize administered by Wendy.

From there it was back to Cumalot and CumsQuickers’ where a feast lay in waiting. Needless to say, it was a very fine day, and we thank them both for organizing this very fine Hash.



Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
R*n 639: NEXT HASH 16-May

OnOn will be a barbecue chez Jobsworth & Never Cums. Could you please let me know of your intention to be there by Friday 14th May so that I have an idea of numbers. Email Never Cums.


Where : La Gaude Village Car Park
When : 11:00 for 11:30

From the west
(Note: Sign Posts for La Gaude are not that clear in Cagnes, which has a confusing one way system. If in doubt, take the route up through St Laurent as described below).
Taking the A8 from the west, exit Sortie 47 Cagnes sur Mer. Follow the D6007 to Cagnes and squiggle through the town and keeping going until you see signs for the D18 to La Gaude. Once on the D18, keep going uphill for about 7km. In La Gaude, continue to the roundabout and turn left into the old village. The car park is 50 metres on your left.

From the east
Taking the A8 from the east, exit Sortie 49 St Laurent du Var. In St Laurent, follow the signs for the D118 to La Gaude. Follow the D118 uphill for about 8km. After entering La Gaude city limits, you will pass IBM on your right. Approximately 1km after IBM, turn left at a really small roundabout onto the D18 direction La Gaude village. Follow for 1km until you reach the roundabout. Turn right into the village and the car park is 50 metres on your left.