RIVIERA HASH TRASH 637
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Never Cums

Ascension du Col de Vence - 2nd May 2010.
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Budapest 1000th hash 4th-6th June 2010.
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Nice-Cannes marathon 14th November 2010.
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Ashes to Ashes


Cagnes sur Mer was beautiful in the sunlight, if you ignored the molten ash (not) falling on everyone’s head. Thanks to that, the mix of hashers was eclectic, with some who should not have been there in attendance and others who should have been there not in attendance.

Directions to the hash were, ummmm, detailed. There was confusion about the start time as Supermarket trolley was determined to run the hash as a cool down after her half marathon in Nice in the morning. She made it on time, although the same could not be said for others with no excuses. The start was in the huge car park in the centre of Cagnes….and Farty Bum had made sure that nobody could miss it with very detailed directions.

So, as women were organising the hash, one thing was guaranteed – it stood no chance of starting on time (the suffragettes among you can boo and hiss at that comment if you want…but it was true). The pack was in its usual configuration of 25% “runners” and 75% walkers. Farty Bum and Virgin Mouth were hares and this was good news as it meant that the hash would be short, flat and easy.

And so it was on on to a very pleasant start around Cagnes until we “runners” found a trail that made its way to the sea front. This was a fluid hash, with relatively few checks and Supermarket Trolley was regretting her double exercise for the day; she was soon a back marker and this must have been a first for her in her long and distinguished hashing career. So as to make sure that she was not lonely, No Satz also took position as a back marker, thereby leaving Sadist as FRB and Wedgie & Jobsworth as somewhere in the middle, with Pedo flitting about between the groups.

The trail followed the beautiful promenade in Cagnes and, by some miracle, the flour was totally intact. More disconcerting was the number of cyclists and roller bladers who decided that they had right of way….damn cheek! Somewhere along this road, the hashers heard a shout of “on on” (well, it sounded more like “oi” to me). Looking around, we saw a dapper man in a blue linen suit and wide rimmed hat escorting an attractive lady…it was no other than Road Runner, out for a leisurely stroll on the Sabbath. Being good hashers, we gave him some abuse and told him to meet us at the resto.

And then it happened; Jobsworth was paying more attention to Road Runner than the road ahead…and ran into a lamppost! Fortunately there is nothing to be lost in his brain and he carried on as normal, save Wedgie’s deriding laughter.

After this, the run veered onto the beach and into Villeneuve Loubet. It left the picturesque Riviera in favour of the RN7, concrete shopping complexes and railway lines. It was around here that the pack realised that not only was the beer stop due but also that there had been few falsies to slow us down. And yet it carried on…and on.

Eventually, the runners walked, crawled, anything-but-ran to the beer stop for a well earned beer. 10 minutes later and suitably refreshed, they were psyched up for an easy saunter back to Cagnes. But – oh no – our hares had other ideas. There was a green hill in the opposite direction that Supermarket Trolley had absolutely wanted to hash, so they had marked a trail especially for her. Unfortunately, she had had enough by then and was replaced in the pack by Perpetch, who had arrived late and was now warmed up to become the FRB.

And so the second half began; it was a welcoming change to the beach, with rocks replacing Ambre Solaire. The most impressive part was the way back down the hillside. We do not know how they did it but the hares had forged a route through dense jungle foliage that left everyone scratched and scarred – a perfect trail! At the end of the hill, we realised that we were at the beer stop again. Then the penny dropped….this was a hash of three halves!

Hey ho, at least it allowed for a very long stop for the runners. Eventually the walkers arrived and Farty Bum was bamboozled as to how the runners arrived so long before them. It is not certain, but it seems that the runners somehow ran the walker’s trail rather than their own. C’est la vie.

The third half was a return to Cagnes. The brave/foolhardy decided to run the walkers’ outbound trail, whilst the sensible short cutted. Event of the half seems to be when Never Cums, Tosspot, Dire Rear & Two Cheeky were apprehended by an irate local in a private domaine. They were apparently told to stop trespassing and responded in time honoured hash tradition…by pretending not to understand. Fair enough strategy, but when 3 out of 4 are French, it is a bit cheeky!

Eventually all hashers returned to the start, albeit in dribs and drabs. The run was calculated to have been 17km long, meaning that had Supermarket Trolley persevered, she would nearly have run a full marathon that day.

And so to the circle (notes taken by Farty Bum so blame her if I get it wrong):

Hares – Virgin Mouth and Farty Bum. Thanks for setting 6 months of hash distances in 1 afternoon!
Flagellation society – Sneaky B’stard and Virgin Mouth
Volcanic Refugees – Max, Wedgie, Jobsworth, Kelly, Kitty
Athletes – Supermarket Trolley & Never Cums
Walking both ways (it says here) – Two Cheeky
Returners – Wedgie, Rubbermaid, Jobsworth, Sneaky B’stard, Contessa
Leading the walkers astray – Charlotte and her dogs
Property Empire builder – Sneaky B’stard
Untapped Source (whatever that means) – No Satz, who disappeared before accepting it
Birthdays – Farty Bum & Cumalot (taken by his proxy Jobsworth )
Late cummers – Tosspot, Two Cheeky, Dire Rear
Volunteer down down because he was thirsty – Sadist
Sh*t of the week nominations went to:
  • Sneaky B’stard – because
  • Jobsworth for lamppost abuse
  • Contessa for publicising her new business (business card anyone?)
The winner was…….drum roll….Jobsworth. To complete his humiliation, it was administered gleefully by his daughter.



And so it ended, with huge appetites whetted in preparation for mass emigration to Rosie’s restaurant on the beach.

25th April 2010
HHHi,

Courtesy of Jason, son of "Fly-Me" who attended his first ever Riviera Hash in the mud, rains and cold of Montaroux on 4th April, wanted to get his revenge on Dirty Dingus for his down down's by hiding behind bushes and spying on supposedly "running" hashers who were masquerading as walkers whenever possible!!!

2nd photo shows what happens when the "shit of week" has to use a dog bowl to drink out of and a crisp packet instead of the Hash mat to kneel down in the mud!!

We were supporting Sudsucker and Dingus today on their Balcon d'Azur mountain "trail" by cheering as they passed us while we were sipping cool glasses of rosé, what else, on a beach at La Napoule!

OnOn
Fly Me and Cum Cum


Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
 
R*n 638: NEXT HASH 2-May
Meet at 11:00 for 11:30

Cumalot’s T on the Lawn Hash : A circle with run attached

Come along to the hills above Cagnes/St. Laurent du Var for a walk/run over varied terrain with great views of the mountains and the sea (plus houses, building sites, greenhouses, al fresco spontaneous rubbish tips).

Walkers are advised that some of the trail is ‘off piste’ so leave the high heels at home and stockings may be ruined on the undergrowth.
Runners are advised that this run will have some ups and downs.

The OnInn will be at our place on the Cagnes side of La Gaude. Directions will be given on the day as required.

OnOn!
Cumalot
Map here

Directions :

From the South:-

Come up the D118 from St. Laurent-du-Var. J49 of the A8. It is signposted La Gaude apparently but since I almost never use this road, I can’t say much about it.

After about 3.5km out of St. Laurent there is a sharp hairpin bend, about 1km after this is a sharp left turn into the Domaine de l'Étoile (Av. Marcel Pagnol). If you miss this turning and find yourself outside IBM in La Gaude or at a set of traffic lights which appear to have no value whatsoever, you have gone too far and should turn round.


From the North:-

Take the D18 (which confusingly becomes the D118 about halfway along) from the roundabout in St. Jeannet (1st exit if coming from Vence, 3rd exit from Carros/Gattieres). Continue straight on past the bakery on your left and then IBM on the left after about 3km. About 1.5km after IBM (and after the pointless traffic lights) take the first right turn into the Domaine de l'Étoile (Av. Marcel Pagnol).

Once in the Domaine continue straight on for about 2km. After sweeping bend (with speed hump) the school will be on your left and the car park to the right.

See you there!

**Please Note**

The OnnInn will be at our place and will be a picnic on the lawns of Cumalots Country Cottage.

If you are cumming, and you are able, please bring a dish (e.g. salad, dessert) as the catering staff are not feeling up to the usual full silver service.

However, large servings of burnt dead animal will be provided as per the previous events.

Contact on: paul_stradling at hotmail dot com or Tel: 06 27 05 81 10