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Never Cums

Nice half marathon/10km 18th April 2010.
Details here.

Nice-Cannes marathon 14th November 2010.
Details here.

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Hash events.

Prestressed and Incredible Hulk’s Easter Bunny Hop

Disclaimer: The names of individuals, events, accusations, improper suggestions and anything else written here may or may-not resemble the truth, or not, as the case may be, forthwith and without exception.

By popular demand, Incredible Hulk dropped in to the Riviera on route for Le Grande Motte for a quick dash around the cold, wet Riviera with the RH3, to hop along with all the other bunnies for Easter Sunday. Arriving just in time to go around to find and set a trail, based on memories of some good difficult terrain from about 6 years ago, and Prestressed’s recent scouting trip…. Fixing a meeting point was easy, somewhere everybody can find with ease (see later for how true this statement might be), with an instruction for all “Meet: In the parking opposite Chateau Tournon at the junction of the D562 and D94 Montauroux district”. After all, who on earth could possibly get that wrong? (Answers on a plain envelope, addressed to the Times of London).
Incredible H knew that if there was a way out of the Domain Tournon there was a way out of the forest by the water pipe to go across the route de draguignan and down to the Siagne. So setting the trail in the wet, we found a way through the Domain and marked some nice exciting pathways for the runners, especially for those who like heights. Prestressed and dogs had really enjoyed setting that bit, so a short time before the start, IH made a final check that the rain and wild pigs had not wiped out the flour. The land owner turned up, with staff on quad bikes, with a rather threatening attitude – he was somewhat direct in his approach, strongly suggesting that any f****g runners crossing his land were in for serious trouble. His recently born baby sanglier and deer were valuable and the gendarmes will be called to sort out anyone disturbing these poor animals (unless they were people on quad bikes which it seems do not upset baby animals like noisy runners do). After getting him to explain in great detail exactly where the edges of his land were, with plenty of very polite misunderstandings to keep him thinking and explaining. In the end he did finally say that in the future we could run there if we ask him in advance, but not this day…. [Incidentally, Perpetch said this was probably where JobsWorth got his name, after the Shot-gun and angry owner event]. So that meant resetting a major part of the trail asap just before the runners will set off…. So, undaunted, Incredible H set of into the dense jungle on the south side of the road to find a way to join up the trail near the river going back to the start, there were no paths going that way…. Taking a large stick to flatten out some of the brambles etc and a bottle of flour, and crossing fingers that the sense of direction was not going to fail in the wet, dark undergrowth, the trail was set just in time…. It was good to trot to the start and see so many old faces (well, some were old). All were soon ready to start the Hash except for one failure… where was the beer car? Who was in the beer car that had not yet arrived? I can reveal at this point it was the geographically challenged Farty Bum who was the stand-in beer-meister for the day. Telephone calls failed to get any response on her mobile, although from her home there were reports she had set off 3 hours before (even a snail with a wooden leg would have arrived in less than 3 hours…). So Sadist and others rummaged in their boots for spare beer or any form of refreshments, and a make-shift beer car was sent to the stop (good old RH3 initiative in case of adversity….). Dingus blew his whistle and all were just starting to trot off in the direction of flour when a car suddenly appeared and Farty Bum leapt out, saying she was here early, but could not find the parking spot, so with Virgin Mouth at the wheel, they had gone miles in every direction, and even knocked-up the restaurant and got Patrick to start his computer to check on details about the start. So eventually finding the Chateau Tournon! So, more delay in starting the glorious event while greetings, sarcasm and other common activities were completed. Eventually the motley crew headed off in the direction of flour, following a few “W”s until a check was spotted, when runners went in all directions while Dingus used his instincts to rapidly find the trail, along a pathway with tall plants loaded down with rain droplets which all found their way onto the hashers who started complaining (little did they know, this was nothing compared to what was coming up…). The next check was under some oak trees at what appeared to be a dead end, so all except the most lazy of the hashers checked back and sideways extensively without a single blob before Dingus went back into the undergrowth, and declared that maybe there was a bit of a track there, with eventually a blob… so OnOn!!! Now the wet undergrowth at about 2m high was showering everything that moved, and after a while of getting soaked Dingus cursed when he called out there was a X … All turned back making growling sounds like a pack of wolves turned away from a dead elk…. But fortunately Dingus must have been involved in some sort of activity that adversely affected his eye-sight, it was an arrow, not a X… So onward through thicker and wetter undergrowth. It was about this point when someone said “We have not had a trail like this since Padre left” – this comment was not intended as a complement to the hare, but it was taken as one all the same. Down a muddy hillside, sliding and grabbing the trunks of the plants, the hashers came down to a little stream in the valley, it did have a little detritus but seemed devoid of condoms (of the Anal or any other variety). The checking hashers eventually found flour going down stream, and plodded onwards, happy that Pedo was not around so we escaped the flying rock trick, not that anyone could have got much wetter anyway. The going was tough, with sections of prickly brambles to climb through, but the intrepid group stuck to it and found the blobs, eventually emerging at the water-pipe beside the road. After a bit of checking, the route down to the river was found and all set off. It was fortunate that the FRBs had a regroup, to allow the slow ones like Perpetch to catch up. The descent to the river was interesting, with views of new deserted villas on the other side of the Siagne. At the river, more checking found the route along the pathway; after a view stop on an old stone bridge that used to cross the river, eventually passing the destroyed railway bridge (designed by Eiffel of tower fame) and down on a small river path along to near the chapel, where the large “B” was seen with great joy. The walkers arrived headed by Haggis, within a minute or so of the runners, excellent timing Prestressed! The usual RH3 delights of out-of-date goods with beer, wine etc kept the group happy and chatting, with added easter chocky eggs; Prestressed was missing for most of this, setting a 2k back-check on the other side of the river. So after the usual clearing up, the runners continued downstream to the chapel via the river, and struggled to find the route from the check there. Eventually it was found running back up the road and down to the beerstop again, then across the river bridge (with all expecting to have to wade back across the river to due to deceptive information from the hares). It took the FRBs a while to reach the back-check, where they debated the pros and cons of wading across the river or going back… I am sure they enjoyed the trip.
Back on the road side of the river, the trail went steeply up and up, reaching the top of the ex-railway bridge for a view stop where panting walkers were found. The trail then went on along the route of the old railway, heading home. The FRB sign taking runners on what was obviously a very long detour was ignored, and all ran straight on home. Walkers and runners arrived back at the start, some of them stopping at the men selling fruit and veg to stock up on good fresh local produce at good prices. All found their way safely to the cold-boxes of refreshments, and prepared for the circle.

The RA (Dingus) started the circle, eventually dressing correctly in his fine gown, brought the Hares into the circle. The trail received the usual criticisms and Prestressed, Haggis and Incredible Hulk took their DD.
Scribe for the day was nominated (IH).
Shoppers were rewarded for their efforts : Dire-rear, Tosspot, Confusion and Jason (visitor, son of FlyMe I think).
The Late Beer arrival: Farty Bum, driver Virgin Mouth and Prestressed for making the instructions too clear.
Being smelly at the Beerstop with his rustic perfume : Cumalot & Too Cheeky for smelling it.
Bringing Relatives and not warning them adequately that they need more than flip-flops on a hash (although she did tell them in an email but should have realised sons don’t bother reading such things) : FlyMe for brining Jason and Delora.
For wanting to kick someone in the teeth (or some other bit of anatomy – said out of context to CumCum) : Virgin Mouth.
Lost Property (Supermarket Trolley left her coat with mobile phone in Dingus’ car as she got out at the airport to catch a cancelled plane to the US – and left the next day still without said cat and phone) : Supermarket Trolley and Dingus.
For the terrible events of the previous week with no circle : Perpetch (for setting a 5 hr first half which made all cum late), Cumalot for being an FRB (the first runner to arrive at the end – I never though I would ever write that line…), mugless Farty bum (who did a DD by eating a chocolate Easter egg rather than drinking).
Returnees : SM Trolley, Ducks Arse, Incredible Hulk, Haggis.
Virgins : Nina the dog (taken by FlyMe – Nina will be back, she loved the trail), Jason (who has hashed in HongKong so was a fake virgin with no name) and Delora, plus all other Canadians (for some unknown reason, which is as good as any) , Farty Bum.

SOW nominations (I didn’t get all then written, so sorry for the missed ones): Pissing on the RA’s car : Dyson
Sneaky Bastard (in absentia) as it is an RH3 tradition that he has to be nominated Perpetch for the bad 7Ps of the previous week
In Absentia for the previous weeks disgusting events : No Satisfaction, RoadRunner, Pedo, Madame Mouton (who had a special mention) – and the stand-in for all these souls was Cumalot. who stood in for all the other sinners who where absent because they had better things to do than Hash on Easter Sunday After the usual cheering, booing or apathy, the winner was:
Cumalot (for all the others mentioned above) – in the absence of the Hash beer dispenser, a nice big stainless steel dog-bowl was found in the boot of Prestressed’s car which made a good alternative (we just hope the spit left by Cumalot won’t hurt the dogs).

Most of the group headed off to Monique et Patrick for the usual good value, good food and the usual good time! And so ended the Hash (What – no singing? no Hash Hymn? The RA is slipping….).

Photos can be found on:http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/101550307734135796970/RH3?authkey=Gv1sRgCJfy8feNxZmllwE&feat=email#
Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
R*n 637: NEXT HASH 18-Apr
LOCATION: A parking lot in Cagnes-sur-Mer near the railway tracks.


Get to the Bord de Mer in the Villeneuve Loubet / Cagnes-sur-Mer region. You are all so clever that we are not going to tell you how to do this.
Once you are on the Bord de Mer:

If you are coming from the Antibes side, you will pass in front of the hippodrome. At the end of the hippodrome, get into the turning lane and turn LEFT onto Boulevard Kennedy. (You can't turn right; that would take you into the sea.)

If you are coming from the Nice side, you will turn RIGHT onto Boulevard Kennedy, just BEFORE the hippodrome, at the large intersection.
Sadist, Cumalot, Madame Mooton, Jobsworth and other people coming from the Vence area: Sorry, you will just have to drive down to the hippodrome and then turn around and drive back because we are not going to spoonfeed you every step of the way.

Once you are all on Boulevard Kennedy, you will be driving along the SIDE of the hippodrome. Keep going to the end of the hippodrome, stop at the red light, then cross the RN7 and keep going straight ahead. You will see the railway bridge ahead of you in the distance. When you arrive at the bridge, stop at the red light, then drive under the bridge and keep going straight. You are now beside the parking lot. You have to advance a short way to get to the ENTRANCE to the parking lot. There is a red light just at the entrance, so when you see it, you will know you are there.

NOTE: You only have to turn TWICE -- once off the bord de mer, and once into the parking lot.

Turn into the parking lot. Don't worry if it looks full -- it's very large. Drive through into the second section. We checked three times last Sunday, and the second section was never full up to the back. If it should happen to be full, however, there is a third section straight across the lane at the back.
If the second and third sections should happen to be full in spite of our precautions, then we will shoot ourselves, and the hash will be cancelled.

START TIME: Let's say 1:30 for 2:00. Supermarket Trolley is running the Nice demi-marathon in the morning , but says she will come to the hash as well. If Supermarket Trolley would prefer the start to be half an hour later, we can change it. SO CHECK THESE DIRECTIONS AGAIN JUST IN CASE SHE NEEDS AN EXTRA HALF HOUR.

EXTRA! EXTRA! Have just received a message from Contessa proposing that the next thing to dispense with should be RUN FEES. Hashers! Be sure to show up for this week's run in case we decide to vote on this VERY important question!
And Religious Adviser, we want sunshine. Please arrange for this.
The directions are so easy, surely no one will need to phone, but just in case, here it is:

06 33 76 79 74 - Note this is Virgin Mouth's new number.