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Never Cums

Monaco half Marathon/10km 21st March 2010.
Details here.

Nice half marathon/10km 18th April 2010.
Details here.

Nice-Cannes marathon 14th November 2010.
Details here.

Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
To see what world hash events are coming up, check out this website:
Hash events.

The (missing) mimosa hash

Cum Cum and Fly Me very kindly consulted ‘im up there to ensure that the weather for their mimosa hash was magnificent. Unfortunately, it seems that he gave them a choice – great weather or lots of mimosa…you can have one but not both. As a result, they opted for the sun and we had to admire the mimosa everywhere except on trail. Never mind….Sadist did help out a little by finding one sprig and running with it attached to his glasses. Very stylish!

This being a hash set by 2 hashettes, it would not have been good form to actually start on time. In fact, Cum Cum and Pedo drove the beer car to the beer stop well in advance but did not return until 15 minutes after the official start time. Cum Cum’s hair was very ruffled and Pedo was looking very relaxed….what ever happened up there, then?

Finally, the run started with a devious circle that fooled everyone except Perpetch & Jobsworth. However, only Perpetch took advantage as Jobsworth was on a “not worth your life to disobey” promise to Never Cums, who not only had cum but was running for the first time ever. The condition for this was that Jobsworth was not allowed to desert her to the mercy of the ruffians known as other hashers.

This check was also very sneakily abused by the hare Flyme. She did not kick it out the wrong way but she waved all hashers along in the wrong direction. Very, very sneaky…..

Check resolved, it was up, up and away into the hills that separate Pegomas from Mouan Sartoux (I think, although please check the accuracy of the statement with Dingus). The trail finally levelled out with a well needed check as the pack was spread out. Fortunately, the FRBs had gone the wrong way and Dyson was leading Prestressed astray, so an unofficial regroup happened just here. Memory of the check was Sudsucker running the wrong way back to the hare complaining that there was no flour…just as she was next to some. Doh!

From here on, the trail wound pleasantly through trails and some very sneaky flour. We found an arrow that we had to ignore (apparently it was for the second half, but how could we know that?); fortunately Flyme managed to warn most hashers but Perpetch was obviously so far ahead that he followed it…to find himself back at the start!

The walkers and runner crossed each other many times on trail. As ever, the walkers were very busy yapping, with Shepherds Bush bringing up the rear (although he denies that this is so he can spy on the derrières of the hashettes). There was a real menagerie of dogs on the hash, ranging from Allison’s Cavalier King Charleses, Charlotte Jobsworth’s cocker and Lazerus’s lab. Plenty of opportunity to add to the poo that marks all trails in this part of the world!

One very long falsie later, the runners caught up with the walkers for the last time before the beer stop, where a well earned rest was taken by all. It was fully agreed that the supply of Hula Hoops makes a big improvement over the French chips, which are a bit too plain for our tastes. Dingus made a request for Walker’s Sensations, so let’s hope for those….However, the most preposterous request came from Never Cums. Now that she is a keep runner and health freak, she will not eat such junk & made a request for bananas. Honestly, some people are so picky!

Beer stop over, it was a simple run back to the start (following the arrow that we were not meant to follow on the first half!). The second half was mercifully short and allowed time for a good circle to address misdemeanours…..and namings!

And the awards went to:

Hares – Flyme & CumCum
Latecoming walkers – Sneaky B’stard, Two Cheeky, Dominique & Shepherds Bush (who was also faying l’amour one week early – or so my notes say)
Losing her running virginity – Never Cums
Extra keenness on the second half – Supermarket Trolley
Sneaky B’stard for mounting Cum Cum from behind, which equals the heinous crime of hare abuse
Never Cums for racism
Returners – Skinny Ah-So, Supermarket Trolley, Mme Mouton, Lazerus, Marie Visiting Returner – No Grappa
Virgins – Kelly, Charles & Jean Paul…..we hope you will return!
Birthdays – Ann of Cleavage, Skinny A, Jon, Supermarket Trolley (a big round birthday this & she refused to take her medicine on the grounds that the big day is closer to the next hash and she wil absolutely, guaranteed, 100% be there) Reclamation of lost property – Perpetch, Pedo & Prestressed
Shit of the week nominations were between:
  • Sneaky B’stard (who else?) for hare abuse, playing pocket billiards, sex crimes….the usual list!
  • Cum Cum because Sneaky B felt like nominating her (boo hiss!)
  • Disco Dave for his part in the IRA H Block hunger strikes of the 1980s There could only be one winner and, surprise surprise, it was……Sneaky B’Stard!

The above circle report misses one crucial element (no pun intended to the electrically minded of you!) – the naming of Jon. Now, Jon has been coming to the hash for some time now and needs a name. This ought to be an easy thing given his electrician heritage but, boy, was it an event in its own right! To give you a flavour of the difficulties, I copy below an e mail received from Farty Bum:

“Hi Jobsworth,

Since you're doing the run report, you have the power to choose the spelling our new hash name.
So how are you going to spell it?
The name was supposed to be "Electric Prick" or "Electric Dick", and got shortened to "Lickie Dickie" or Lickie Prickie", but shouldn't that be "Leckie Dickie" or "Leckie Prickie", since it comes from "electric"?

I think the "electric" part is important, since it's it's more original than 'lick", which is pretty common in hash terminology.

Just thought I would mention this to you, since we have the possibility to introduce it in writing form and thus influence the future use of this name. Hope to hear back from you on this important issue.


PS I might put it as "Electric Prick" in the computer hash cash records. I have never done this before, but am thinking about it doing it this time. I feel like quietly undermining the RA's vote counting procedure.”

Boy – the pen is mightier than the sword!
So I now name Jon “Lickie Dickie”…..because that is what it says in my notes!

And so the circle adjourned. Before everyone absconded to the restaurant, a sad announcement was made about Big End, whose séjour in Belize is at an unexpected end. She & Padre are back in England and she is undergoing major treatment in hospital. We wish Big End well and hope that she has a speedy recovery and will be fully fit in the nearest future.
Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
R*n 633: NEXT HASH 21-Feb
'Little Pinkie's' Perky HASH
'Port La Darse' 'Villefranche'
(or if you prefer 'Lard Arse' Port)

co-hare: 'No Satz' 0617401343

Date: Sunday, February 21
Time: 15:00 for 15:30 start

'On On' at 'La Trinquette'. 'Port la Darse'
3 courses, incl. 1/4 wine: 20 Euros

Meeting Point:
Park near to the 'Capitainerie' in the old port 'La Darse' , Villefranche. There is some public parking there, or go back up the approach road 'Avenue de Gaulle' and park somewhere and walk back.
The restaurant is also in the Port, so no need to move the car again.

The sea road through 'Nice' will be jammed with the 'Carnival'. Leave some extra time and take the motorway.

Exit 'A8' autoroute at sortie '55'
Notice the signs to close windows and lock car doors
Follow the frequent roadsigns to Nice 'Port'.
At the Nice 'Port', pickup the signs to the 'Bas Corniche' towards 'Menton'
Follow the sea road about 3 km into 'Villefranche'
In 'Villefranche' turn right at the second traffic light (just by the 'tourist office' on the right) down 'Avenue de Gaulle'
This road skirts down around 'Villefranche' old town and port.
Do not turn left into the 'Citadelle', carry on down, until you see the signs to 'Port Darse'.
Look for a parking opportunity either in the 'Port' There is some public parking further down by the 'Capitainerie' where it is a dead-end.
Or, park on the way down the 'Avenue de Gaulle'.