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Hash Fanny & Jobsworth


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Never Cums

Monaco Marathon/10km 21st March 2010.
Details here.

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Dingus & Sudsucker get dirty in the Valmasque

‘Twas the second day of Christmas (or the third if Christmas day counts as the first!) and our RA gave to us…….2 minced pies & lots of mulled wine!

And so it came to be that a lethargic but thinned out crowd (in numbers, not waistline after xmas festivities) met in a distinctly muddy Valmasque for post xmas therapy, otherwise known as the day-after-boxing-day hash. 2 weeks previously, the pack was runner focused; this time, the walkers turned out in reasonable numbers, whilst the runners had to count on Captain Sensible visiting from Geneva to increase their numbers by 33%.

And Captain Sensible is a good person with whom to start the run commentary. He pleaded with Dingus, the hare, that although he runs with the Geneva hash, he is not of the Olympic variety that occasionally join us here on the Riviera. As a result, Dingus allowed him a head start…..only to find that in Riviera terms, he actually counts as an FRB as he had no problem whatsoever in maintaining the slick pace of the run.

It is difficult to comment on the course as the Valmasque is a huge park full of trees and everything looks the same. In fact, the main danger of the hash was darkness as it started at 3pm. Having raced around much mud and through many trees, we were confronted by the local gendarmes. Fearing the worst (arrest for laying anthrax in the park; affray; the usual things), said gendarmes were very interested in the news of the beer car containing mint spies & mulled wine. They offered to deploy their full force to find it immediately. To be fair to them, they also recommended that we leave the park by 5pm as it gets very dark in there and we would be lost without hope of rescue if not out beforehand…..

This conversation prompted Dingus to explain that he had used his 85 year old father as guinea pig to test the trail. It had taken said Dingus the Elder 45 minutes to walk the first half. We were now at 40 minutes and counting…..with no sign of the walkers.

Dingus noted that the standard of running was pathetic, having “admired” Jobsworth’s competitive style and lack of speed. In my defence, I would like to point out that the running pack consisted of myself, Mad Max with his new bionic heart, visitor Captain Sensible & Pedo. Now, Pedo is notorious for guarding the checks against vandals, whilst Mad Max had a pretty darned good excuse to take it easy. This left visitor Raymond Burns (for that is Captain Sensible’s real name) and Jobsworth to check all the checks….and as it is impolite to expect visitors to do all the work, that is why I was suffering when Dingus spied me. Defence closed, m’lud.

But not to worry; the runners made it to the beer stop in line with the pace set by Dingus the Elder. Unfortunately, the walkers did not. Dingus started to worry that Sudsucker was lost in the forest, but the noise of loud chatter approaching confirmed what we all knew….namely that the walkers were more interested in yapping than walking. After 55 minutes, the walkers arrived at the beer stop.

The beer stop was a Christmas-tastic affair. Sudsucker had prepared delicious minced pies for those who had confirmed attendance, complemented by Mr Kipling’s exceedingly good ones for those who had not. In addition, the mulled wine made for a warming complement on a cold winter’s day.

Beer stop merriment was provided by Hash Fanny, or rather her Cavalier King Charles spaniel, who wanted to prove that he still has vim by shagging anything that moved, in particular his female companion. This brought out a tale of him doing the same to Cum Cum’s leg some time ago when she was wearing white trousers to a formal party…..
Mince pies & mulled wine safely in bellies, it was time for the second half. The runners followed the walkers trail but with extra loops. This resulted in them running through the walkers pack many times and to the consternation of the yappers, who lost concentration every time it happened. But no harm was done and the second half finished uneventfully and before the gendarmes had to be called to search for lost souls in the dark.

Back at the cars, it was Jobsworth’s turn to complement Sudsucker’s minced pies with spares made by Never Cums. Everyone made remarks of “no, I can’t possible have another….it’s dinner time soon” but they still disappeared quickly. Actions speak louder than words…..

And so it was that a quick circle convened, as it was getting cold as well as dark.

  • Hares Dingus & Sudsucker for a great run and even greater food & wine
  • Pedo, Mad Max, Captain Sensible & Jobsworth – insults to the word “running”
  • Mugless…..somebody who will remain nameless as I was not taking notes (but it was not me, for a change!)
  • Visitor Captain Sensible from Geneva
  • Virgin Sonia, made to lose her virginity by Dire Rear & Tosspot. A real ménage à trios…
  • Jobsworth for driving on the wrong side of the road and, worse, doing so as the Geneva visitor was following him
  • Hash Fanny for organising sex at the beer stop
  • And so it came to the sh*t of the week nominations. As it is Christmas and everyone was well behaved, a vote was held between Sneaky Bastard and Prestressed. In the spirit of goodwill, the vote was tied & they both received the award in abstentia.

Circle closed, it was onon to Chinese food. A big thanks to Sudsucker & Dingus for a great hash and great food. And onon to 2010 and a hashy new year to everyone.
Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
R*n 630: NEXT HASH 10-Jan
'Hash Fannys Birthday Hash'

2pm to 2.30pm start.
Biot Village parking called 'Beaume'

Directions to the start.
From the RN7 coast road follow the main road to Biot up past Marineland. As you approach the village there is a turning to the right to the Verrerie de Biot. Follow this road along about 1km and the parking is on your left.

From Valbonne follow the road to Biot, pass through the village towards the coast. Just after Biot 2000 shopping area is the turning to the left to the Verrerie and the car park.

If it looks like being a nice day, you might want to bring your camera.

  OnOn at 918 avenue des Fauvettes, Biot.
Can people let me know direct on allison@club-internet.fr or by phone on 0662721453 if they are coming so that I can make sure that there is enough food!!