RIVIERA HASH TRASH 628
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Return of the run report AKA Every Loser Wins

Yes, it’s back by (un)popular demand. The run report rears its ugly head again, largely thanks to your scribe actually attending a run against doctor’s orders. Maybe the reason for its disappearance will be obvious after reading this dirge, but here’s to giving it a go.

So, to begin with, time for another pop quiz. Which mullet haired UK 80s soap star unfortunately had a bit hit with Every Loser Wins? Don’t remember – well it really does not matter. But so many of the runners go lost on this run that the title was very apt and they really did all win….down downs.

The start point was the centre of St Paul en Fôret and very chilly it was too. The last time we hashed here was in the spring, when the weather overheated as the run progressed. Not this time, though. The mistral was blowing and not even the hot air it was bringing down from the Copenhagen climate change conference could persuade us that it was anything but brass monkey weather. (By the way, whatever happened to global warming? Why & when did it become climate change? Answers on a postcard, please).

One strange phenomenem, climatic or otherwise was the absence of walkers on the hash. We delayed the start by a good 10 minutes but still only 4 turned up…even after being augmented by the normally running Wetspot.

Eventually, coldness overcame patience and the hash started. Wetspot guided the walkers one way, whilst the runners started up hill. Clearly this was perfect for the ever more lithe Cumalot, who started by outpacing multi marathon running Dingus and leaving everyone else behind.

Over the brow of the hill it was down to a check that marked the start of the forest. So what better way to mark a check than with man water, thought Prestressed & Cumalot. Unfortunately, this proved to be a bad signal as we then could not find trail. Dastardly, it did not go into the forest but back up the road into the village.

Once in the village, Dingus decided to check every way but the right one (and then insist there was not enough flour!) whilst it was left to Sadist & Jobsworth to seamlessly follow the trail down a very, very long road with no check to break stride. Boy, this was a long stretch even for Perpetch. I would venture, m’lud, that it was the longest unbroken stretch ever to have been seen on a Riviera hash. In was so long, in fact, that Dingus easily regained his lead and vanished from the horizon, whilst Cumalot, Pedo & Prestressed, umm, seemed to vanish into thin air.

Finally another check brought us back into the forest. After wading through a river 3 times (to be fair, I think that only I managed to do that….the real trail just crossed it once!) it was time to revere the real beauty of a flock of sheep and a shepherd…..complete with a 6 pack of beer and a shotgun. Aaahhh, the French traditions die hard!

Just after the drunken shepherd came a devious check. So devious, in fact, that Dingus lost his lead. Sadist & Jobsworth went kilometres in the wrong direction before realising it was false….and Prestressed, Pedo & Cumalot simply got lost.

For those of us who found the trail again, it wound up and up and up (and up) before eventually metamorphosising into cunning check. This one did not take us on any obvious trail but straight in to dense woodland. From here, it was a hack through the bush to the beer stop chez old hash friends Margaret & Malcolm, otherwise known as the far-better-looking-sister-of-Perpetch-and her-very-amiable-husband. Fabulous beer stop service was provided with vin chaud (tasting all the better for being laced with Famous Grouse) and mince pies.

The walkers had arrived some 15 minutes before the front runners. They were delighted to warn Jobsworth that he had to climb over an electric fence, just to see him put his hand on it (and, guess what, get electrocuted!). But the 3 lost souls just did not turn up. So much vin chaud & mince pies later, we only stayed at the beer stop (a) because it was warm and friendly and (b) because Pedo’s car was there, so we knew he had to turn up. Eventually, movement was seen in the forest. Hunters prepared their shotguns, to be disappointed by the sight of Pedo, Prestressed & Cumalot rather than 150kg of aggressive animal.

Beer stop finally and unfortunately over, it was time to move on. Perpetch went ahead and created an FRB trail for keen runners (all except Cumalot, it seems) that was the walker’s first half trail round a lake but in reverse. Wetspot kindly decided to become a runner to assist in the case of insufficient marking, on the basis that he had walked round the lake earlier and knew what he was doing. I am sure that you are ahead of me at this point…..yep, Wetspot managed to lose himself & Jobsworth on the trail! “Keep following the sentier botanique” he said…that was fine, but I am not sure that we were meant to lap the lake twice!

Problem finally solved, it was time for a stretch of the legs back to the start. The various gadget freaks held conference and decided that the run had been around 15km long. Plus or minus 15km, that is! One thing was for sure, though, was that it was still extremely cold.

A short circle was held on the basis that we were late for the resto. And it was too cold.
  • Hares – Perpetch & Tosspot. Thanks for a great trail
  • Urinators – Cumalot & Prestressed (by the way, I am pretty sure that Prestressed was the perpetrator, but apologies if not. Do I really mean that? Nah!)
  • Losers – Cumalot, Prestressed, Pedo and for the separate incident Wetspot & Jobsworth
  • Mugless – Jobsworth (what a surprise!)
  • Walkers – Virgin Mouth, Dire Rear, Fairy Plunger. For actually turning up!
  • Sh*t of the wee was a difficult choice. The late entrant was Dire Rear for spraying lemonade all over the circle. However, she was beaten to in by Prestressed for accepting a phone call in the circle as we were trying to give Dire Rear some competition.


Circle over, the pack rapidly headed for warmer climes to compensate the icicles that were forming everywhere.

A big thanks again to Margaret and Malcolm for the wonderful beer stop service and also to Perpetch and Tosspot for stepping in to set a great run at the last minute.

Oh, and the answer to the pop quiz is Nick Berry. May I never hear that song again.

Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
 
R*n 629: NEXT HASH 27-Dec
The next run will be starting in Parc de la Valmasque, Mougins at 14:30 for 15:00

A shortish run set by Dirty Dingus and Sud Sucker featuring Mulled Wine, Mince Pies and other stuff to keep you warm.

It would be appreciated if you could let us know (email francis.turner@gmail.com) to let us know whether you are coming. Otherwise there may not be enough Mulled Wine, Mince Pies and other stuff to keep you warm.

Directions

From the A8 exit 42 take the penetrante to Grasse/Mougins. Take the 2nd exit (D35 - Mougins, Sophia Antipolis). Do straight over the roundabout then almost immediately right on the Avenue de Grasse (signed also for the Manoir de l'Etang, which is NOT the location for the ON ON). Go straight on up the hill, bear right wiggle through the 4 concrete bollards and park just around the corner.

From Antibes (A8 exit 44) take the D35 towards Mougins. When you have passed the bakery do a U turn at the roundabout and proceed as above on the Av de Grasse.

From other places. As google to direct you to here then contune up the hill as described above.

Map here.