RIVIERA HASH TRASH 605
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Lou Papier

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Jobsworth

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Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I’ll publish and be dammed

Never Cums

DIVAHHH Champagne Weekend 2009, Friday 27th - Sunday 29th March 2009
in Reims, France Party in style in the Champagne Region!
more details here
The U.K. Nash Hash 28/08 – 31/08/09. Organised by Edinburgh HHH,
Details here.
Porquerolles Weekend 18th - 20th September 2009
Our annual Porquerolles weekend staying at Balambra VVF, Presqu’ile de Giens, near to Hyères and Toulon is on once again, from 18-20 September.

The weekend includes a whole Saturday of Hashing on the beautifully unspoilt and very special island of Porquerolles, with two beer/lunch stops in idyllic coves. As tourist motor vehicles are not allowed on the island, the beer and lunch stops will be supplied by motor boat, and there will be ample opportunity to take a dip in the pristinely clear waters of the Mediterranean.

In addition there will be Hashes on the Friday evening and Sunday morning on the mainland.

All meals up to and including Sunday lunch will be provided, with unlimited serve yourself wine at mealtimes. If that’s not enough, there will be ample stocks of beverages available at the beer stops and circles. Our piece de resistance is however, Padre and Big End’s always open bar. It remains open for as long as anyone is partaking! What more could we want you may well ask – there’s a champagne reception on Friday afternoon, and cocktails after Friday’s and Saturday’s Hashes. And even more – Disco Dave complete with brand new cabaret acts on Saturday evening.

This weekend always proves popular, and places could be limited, as the resort is filling up fast with other groups and seminars.

To ensure participation, and avoid disappointment, please get your bookings in as early as possible.

Cost if booked by 31 May: €189 per head based upon 2 sharing.
Reservations: prestressed@gmail.com

Brief details here.

"Enoughs  n Oeuff" The Easter Bunny
"In the beginning was the word." Somebody Famous
"Now follows several more." Moi


    Was it the threat of the Easter Bunny making an appearance which ensured a large turn out of the chocolate eaters, oohhps I mean the Ladies Walking Brigade?
 
Or, had Farty Bum used strong arm tactics to ensure that Virgin Mouth and her efforts were not wasted?
A bright, sunny day, with spectacular views down to the coast and the Azur sea with poor ladies, only able to afford half a bikini, (more of that later) lying on the beach and behind us, the pristine, snow covered, mountains, glistening in the sunshine.

It was a complete surprise to see Jorgen back again after all the complaining  and whinging  on the last run. He made Skinny Ah So sound like a beginner!
What was even more surprising was the fact that he had actually managed to persuade to more virgins to attend.

Padre blasted my eardrums to pieces with his air horn and announced the “off” would be in two minutes.
Farty Bum explained the trail markings as she was deviating from normal procedures. (and she did all this in less than two minutes. A record for a Farty Bum explanation)

She explained she had an old, red sweater, which she wanted to dispose of whilst Mad Max was away, and had cut it into extremely small pieces with which to mark sections of the trail.
1430hrs. Bang on time the run/walk starts. Runners along the road, following the contour and the walkers down the path to the village below.
( See Sneaky Bastard’s walk and L.W.B. report)

1435hrs.The runners meet the Contessa cycling towards them.
I think she hides around the corner until she hears ON ON called as she is remarkably consistent in turning up five minutes after the start. No matter what time we start.
Away we go to the first check.

All false trails were run and a few which weren’t marked also.
Barry and Mel, the virgin walkers, who were informed before the start that the runners were so slow they would be able to keep up, were now just behind the F.R.B. Big End and thinking this was going to be easy. Mel was to become so excited and competative she actually started to run later into the trail. It might have been something to do with who was behind her.* (See "LATER"  in the report.)
Two more devious checks and Padre, using skill, arrives at the third check, just ahead of Perpetual Motion using raw power and athletic ability, only to be met by RHHH’s version of Lance Armstrong. (Six times winner of the Tour De Valbonne Car Park) who informs us the real trail is 90 degrees left of the check.
We unanimously agree to ignore this piece of information, wisely as it turns out, as the real trail is straight on and takes us in a complete circumnavigation of the church.
All that is missing is the tour of the graveyard.
OOHHPPPSs, spoke too soon.

Perpetual Motion ignored the trail markings to the left and carried straight on down the hill, towards the sea, taking Flyn with him.
Flyn  being an experienced Hasher should have known better than to follow Perpetual Motion and not the trail, but, the last time he ran with us I think he was six, about fourteen years ago, so maybe he couldn’t remember what a vicious bastard he is.

A quick wiggle through the graves and we are running at 90 degrees to Perpetual Motion and more or less straight on. A well constructed loops which gets us all back together again except for those doing their own thing. On exiting the graveyard Tidal Dave looks as if he should be installed into one of the empty slots but recovers rapidly when I offer to give him the kiss of life..
Next, a run down through the village, which I assume was the trail the walkers took earlier and on to the next check.
Here we meet Perpetual Motion coming back from a false trail, (that will teach him to deviate) and Tidal Dave declaring there were no marking on the trail he was coming back from whilst Big End hollered she had found the trail down by the river.
Forensics and a big mouth told her she was heading in the wrong direction and so we all headed in the general direction of down river and not up.
Paedophil. Prestressed, Cumalot and offspring along with the walkers Barry and Mel were now way out in front, followed by the straggling pack.Jorgen was nowhere to be seen. He was last observed, standing on a check in the Paedophil manner, but without the experience to know when to start running.
It was just about here we discovered our first batch of Easter eggs and Undergrowth and Racheal suddenly found an extra spurt of speed, especially as were running in a downwards direction, parallel to the river. The large puddle Farty Bum warned us about now became apparent.

I am all for natural selection, but Farty Bum says we need all our members and therefore had rigged up a safety line across the river, ably manned by “Flopper and his Baywatch assistant.
BUT I had to laugh when I noticed the intrepid bush men were all hanging onto the rope on the “wrong side”. That is downstream.
The idea of the rope is to stop you if you slip and not to wave at as you drift downstream, tumbling over the rocks, fighting against the current.

Most of us only received a moistening of the thighs but undergrowth said his tits were cold, or words to that effect and he was freezing.
Once on the other side, (that reminds me about the two Blondes on opposite sides of the river and one shouts across to the other, “How do I get to the other side” and the other one says, “Hello, you are on the other side”) but I digress, we passed through a guard of honour mustered by the senior members of the L.W.B. and continue in a gently downhill manner, as we follow the river for ten minutes, whilst we warm up again.
Next a sweep around the u bend and I see the remainder of the L.W.B. and the F.R.B.’s coming back up stream to join us.
All together again.

The fast bastards obviously weren’t stopping for egg hunts.This was left to Padre and the other children! Dimitri, who is probably six or seven, now decides to join us as he is bored rigid by the slow pace and forces us to keep running up the hill in a series of gentle S bends, ably marshalled by Virgin Mouth who is surreptitiously dropping flour as she walks to keep us all together.
A quick in and out through the built up area keeps the pack all together, except P.M. who does his own thing and whizzes off into the distance, sniffing for the beer stop.
"LATER". The run in to the beer stop was fairly longish but it did have the entertaining cabaret of Dark and Moist running.He was observed, observing the observee and having to run to keep her pert bits in his focal length.*
(*See Down Downs)

A well appointed beer stop, right on the sea front, with much to occupy the gaze.
See prior reference to halves of bikinis.

Fully ten minutes passed by and the last of the walkers arrived along with Jorgen, surrounded by females from the L.W.B. He loudly stated was never going to lose the trail again and end up on the L.W.B. section with “them”.
I don’t know what he meant by that and if anybody knows please send your reply to Never Cums and she will publish it!

2nd. Half.
P.Motion and Tidal Dave take off at a fair speed as they obviously cooled down a lot waiting for the slowcoaches and we didn’t see them again until the end.
The remainder of the runners keep together, ably marshalled by Dimitri, until we reach the Peage underpass and split into groups of different speeds.

Apparently this second wave all missed a vital marking which would have taken us back home through the woods but we could all see home and therefore that is where we headed.
Big End, Prestressed and Flyn were looking to take it easy as they knew the walkers were a long way behind them, but Dimitri made them run all the way.

A big thank you to Farty Bum and Virgin Mouth for a very pleasant Sunday afternoon’s entertainment.
After serious consultation with experienced trail setters the biased verdict was………………
A superb trail with many loops, (especially the Gispert variation) allowing the slows (Walkers Barry and Mel) to keep up with the alleged runners and enough false trails to keep even Dingus and Perpetual Motion happy.
We managed to run all the false trails, and some which weren’t even marked,. (See Down Downs) and some extra ones, covering a varied terrain with some particularly interesting features.

Congratulations to a pair of walkers from the L.W.B.

P.S. If you want the pack to change  paths, especially when they can see the beer stop or home, you need a big arrow to make the headless chickens change direction .

Bissous


DOWN DOWN AWARDS.
Hares;  Farty Bum and Virgin Mouth, for a well set trail and particularly the river crossing.
St. David's Day and allowing the Irish to win the Grand Slam;
1/4 Welsh,   Undergrowth,
1/2 Welsh,    Big End and Cumalot
Full blown Sheep Shagger, Paedophil.
St.Patric's Day;  "No Name" Fergal complete with his "Riverdance" cabaret.
Mummy's Day;  Too many to mention.
Mummy Impersonater; Sadist (He was wrapped in bandages. The things some people do to get a Down Down)
Pervy Running by a Walker; Dark and Moist
Virgin Run Report; (Last run) A comprehensive, detailed report, by our virgin reporter, Happy Hooker.
Then followed a nomination of Sneaky Bastard by Skinny Ah So, for leaving her alone in the woods. (What part of Sneaky and Bastard don't you understand?)
And Sneaky Bastard, in mitigation, saying he only wanted some peace and quiet.
Wet Knickers; Dark and Moist and a lady from the L.W.B. who shall remain anonymous to preserve her modesty.
Returners; Flyn. Was he ever given a Hash name? Anybody out there know? For following the unmarked trail all the way to the beer stop and complaining about the lack of flour; Skinny Ah So.
(Why do the hares always make it so difficult for the Wal;kers to follow the trail? They are always complaining there is no flour where they are walking?) Anybody Know?
Birthdays; Big End and Knicker Licker.
Virgins; Barry, Mel, July, Fergal Flattery, Sarah, Vanessa, Rachel and the Jack Russel,Dimitri.

Shit of the Week Nominations;
In no particular order of importance,
Prestressed; For not writing the Dubliners Saturday run report. (What sort of example is that for our Hashmaster to set.)
Sadist; More dereliction of duty from a member of the mismanagement. He turned up late  and left Farty Bum to collect the run fees. (As if she wasn't stressed enough, having set the run, organised the beer stop and co-ordinating the restuarant.)
Jergen; Transgression of rule 6. (No poofters) He was heard stating, "he would like one of those" as he watch the small boys whizz around the motorcycle track on their cut down motor bikes. And impersonating Paedophil. No, not the previous, but standing on a check until the trail was found.
Padre; Can't read the notes anybody remember? Can't have been important as he didn't make the second round of voting.
Happy Hooker; She needed a beer/ award and volunteered.
Sneaky Bastard; Leaving a Damsel in distress.


And the winner picked by Virgin, Julie No Name, from the level of noise generated, was Jergen and the Down Down was administered by Virgin, Sarah No Name.
This was closely followed by Sneaky Bastard, who is wisely going to America for a month, hoping we will forget he threw the contents of his drinking vessel over Jingle Balls.
I am sure she will not!
Sneaky Bastard, if you want to get away with it, you can throw beer over anybody except your wife.
Here endeth the circle and we all retired to the Moule restuarant, on the coast, where Jergen was last seen wearing his S.O.T.W  t-shirt with pride, complete with gold medallion.

Thank You All.
Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

Look left
 
R*n 606: NEXT HASH 5-Apr

Run 606 – Jobsworth’s belated housewarming hash
Meet La Gaude village centre car park 11h30 for 12h00


Well, it is now over 6 months since we moved house, so I guess that we will be having a house leaving hash rather than a house warming hash if we miss this opportunity…..

Directions from A8 – coming from the West
Exit A8 at junction 47, Cagnes-sur-Mer. Follow the signs to the centre of Cagnes and squiggle through the one way system until you come across the D18, signposted La Gaude.
Follow the d18 from Cagnes to La Gaude for about 7km.
When you enter La Gaude, you will drive round a hairpin bend. There is a roundabout approximately 500 metres after the hairpin bend.
Turn left at the roundabout to the village centre. Car park is 20 metres on your left.

Directions from A8 – coming from the East
Exit A8 at junction 48, St Laurent du Var. Enjoy fighting your way through the hordes of bargain hunters at the weekly market.
Follow the signs for d118, La Gaude. As you enter La Gaude, you will pass IBM on your right and Intermarché on your left. Approximately 1km later, you will come to a roundaboud. Turn left here onto the d18, signposted Cagnes sur Mer & La Gaude centre.
Follow the d18 for about 1km, until you reach another roundabout. Turn right here into the centre of the village. The car park is 20 metres on your left.

For the afficionados, the car park is the same one used for last year’s hash, when we competed for space with the local book fair. I am not aware of any such event next week, but don’t panic (mr Mainwaring), there’s plenty of other parking space if it’s full!!!!!


added by Never Cums

Please let me know on ailsa.emmott@orange.fr if you intend to come to the on-on.
Home-made hot cross buns are on the menu!