RIVIERA HASH TRASH 597
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DIVAHHH Champagne Weekend 2009, Friday 27th - Sunday 29th March 2009
in Reims, France Party in style in the Champagne Region!
more details here
The U.K. Nash Hash 28/08 – 31/08/09. Organised by Edinburgh HHH,
Porquerolles Weekend 18th - 20th September 2009
Brief details here.
Where does one start? It was pissing down with rain, strong winds, odd bit of lightning and flooding just to make it more difficult to reach Mougins. And there was the PADRE, our illustrious religious adviser, co- haring the run with MERRYDICK who came out of retirement for his old fart's run (60th birthday). Is the PADRE incommunicado with his Himself because the atmospheric conditions were poor to say the least. Padre, you've got to go and have a bit of schat with Himself so that we have better hash weather.
( It was not raining during the run, as promised. Padre!)
By the time I arrived (I was delayed by all the above and more), the rain had stopped. Must be my influence as of being of a religious persuasion. However, you buggers had already pissed off. So did a bit of sniffing around for the trail and set off towards the lake as there was some bright multi-colour clothes, sticks, and hats in the distance. As I approached, I cocked the ear to the howling winds and heard the dulcet voices (f...ing bastard, who laid this trail, whistles, etc...) of hashers in the yonder. So eventually caught up with FRBs by the canal where I was warmly greeted by all.
Most of us hashers were fairly well protected from the elements, but not old SADIST ? in his "normal" dayglow short sleeved top and multicoloured socks as if we were all meandering along on sweet sunny summer day. Talking of protection, two other wankers should be noted on their clothing, or rather how they tried to stay dry. As mentioned, there was a lot of water on the ground, so that meant that there were great "baths" of water at regular intervals, which being good hashers, we just took in our stride and ploughed through. What's a bit of water and dirt to a hasher? On this hash, there two notable exceptions who did everything possible to tipsy around the stuff. LYNN (as yet to be named ? hint!) did not want to get her little delicate tipity toes wet. "Dear, have you just painted your nails or something?" What were you thinking ? this is hashing! The other dryster was PAEDOPHIL. Wearing his deerstalker and other apparel, he also appeared to have the frights with the wet stuff. It's reported that this is not normal for him, so maybe he was just having a bad-hair-do-day with all the wind.
PERPETUAL MOTION and DIRTY DINGUS continued to lead us down various false trails and short cuts along the canal side (am sure they almost doubled the distance of the trail). The other hazards for the FRBs along the canal path were some Walkers. SNEAKY BASTARD and JINGLE BALLS were so busy gassing and holding hands when walking along side-by-side (don't they see enough of each???), that it was quite an effort to get by. Others (KNICKERLICKER, FARTYBUM and CONFUSSION) were more flexible. However, one does have to watch KNICKERLICKER as sometimes gets a bit enthusiastic when talking in the French style, but with sticks in-hand! Meanwhile,DIRTY DINGUS almost snared the hare. Merrydick made some lame excuse about being unwell as he had a cold, his kids had woken him early and he had been on the piss until 2am the night before... zzzzzzzzz.
(Also he didn't follow the trail and short cutted. ED.)
Anyway, we had to wait at a junction to let the hare get a head's start under the scrutiny of security cameras. Really, this was a chance for the ladies to show the security lads a leg or two. Also, it gave a chance for some of the laggards to catch up including PRESTRESSED who appeared to run along with his phone clamped to his ear. He said this was needed to make arrangements for later in the day. Can't believe that at all and I'm sure he was on the telesex chat lines as he kept disappearing and claiming he was following the correct trail.
(What is this telesex chat line. I think we should all know about this!)
On we went up the hill where near more security cameras, we found MERRYDICK guarding the Padremobile (the beer wagon) and laughing saying he didn't have the key for it. However crafty SADIST had the key, so refreshments for all. Afterwards, on up the hill and more false trails. SADIST managed to do a dance on a rock and land on his arse. No broken bones, just a lot of cussing.
Around this time, the trail started to be laid with some very strange signs for the false trails which particularly affected the FRBs, while the Walkers serenely continued on. This led us around quarries, housing developments with security folk keeping a close eye on us. MERRYDICK said it was not his fault as this part of the trail was all laid by the PADRE. Nothing like brotherly love and dropping your partner in the shiggy! Anyway, it did keep all hashers (FRBs and Walkers) together, so well done whoever laid this part of the trail. Somewhere in these parts, the BROWN DOG appeared from under a bush and joined the hash. Obviously thought this hashing was a good idea as it meant running around and through water. Dog's delight.
Then is was back into the woods again. Being a good hasher, there I was busy checking out false trails and calling out. On one of the first big checks, I do a check on what turns out to be a false trail. Get back to the check and find everybody has gone ? no marks, calling out or anything. The Buggers! So check other trails and eventually find right trail. At first, I was a bit confused by a white fungus (just looks like smudged flour marks), so did a few unnecessary checks until I realized what it was. And so this goes on through the woods until I almost get back to car park! Towards, the end, did manage to see SADIST in the distance ? well he is pretty dayglow bright isn't he!
At the car park, I find all the FRBs, but no Walkers! They are still out there despite a well laid trail to follow. MERRYDICK goes back in vehicle in search of them while the rest of us poor buggers huddle under umbrellas and in cars from the rain, which starts as soon as we get back.
(Great timing eh? Padre)
Brown Dog does not think this part of the hash is any good either. It started to rain heavily again, so obviously my influence is limited with Himself when a run has finished. As the rain was getting heavier, there was a general consensus to abandon the circle and adjourn to the La Source in Sophia Antipolis.
At La Source, we all regroup (FRBs, Walkers, family, friends, wankers and other hangers-on, etc.) and treated to a splendid meal of salads, salmon, duck, dead cow and various deserts. The ordering was orchestrated (mismanaged) by PAEDOPHIL and the Patron with lots of gesticulating, swinging of arms and loud voices. During this artistry, PAEDOPHIL managed to knock over his wine (has he got no stamina?) and then blame it on TWO CHEEKY
(SEE PHOTOS, PADRE)
As it was MERRYDICK's 60th Birthday, SUDSUCKER had kindly made a cake in the normal hash fashion. (For those of you with no imagination, it was a lovely white cake with a large 60 iced in red on the top with a protrusion rising from between the 6 and 0 ? also iced in red).
So here ends the Epistle of the Baptist.
ON-ON until the next time wherever and whenever that might be
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 598: NEXT HASH 28-Dec
Ho Ho Ho Mince Pies and Sherry Run directions
Sunday December 28
Meet at 13.30 for 14.00 start in the Vence Forest
If you are back from Australia, America, Canada, Brazil, Costa Rica, Ireland, England, Switzerland or you just stayed at home, after Christmas feasting you will need to lose some kilos ready for the New Year.
Directions from Cagnes sur Mer
Head up the penetrante D336/D 436 towards Vence/St Paul; after the dual carriageway with the road bumps when you get to the roundabout by the fire station take the exit D436 then the D7 for St Paul; approaching St Paul village, at the roundabout with the failed attempt at the Eiffel Tower or an electricity pylon, take the road uphill for Fondation Maeght past the colourful giant parrots and continue straight for nearly 2km; by house number 1780 take the Chemin de la Sine to the right, and continue for another kilometre; at the top of a windy hilly bit take a left turn towards the Parc du Souvenir ( or the cemetery as most people call it); there is a car park after 700m.
Directions from Vence
Take the D2210a towards Tourrettes sur Loup, at the first roundabout after a kilometre or so, take the left turning marked on the sign for La Sine; continue downhill for a kilometre after the next little roundabout and after the camping site take a right towards the cemetery; park at the end after 700m.
No run fees or OnOn restaurant. But mince pies and sherry after the run and as Santa will have been resting on the Riviera after his busy season, he will be joining us to distribute presents. However his sack will be rather empty so bring along a wrapped present costing between 2 and 5 euros (all right, you can recycle those unappreciated gifts), mark it whether it is suitable for a harriette or a harrier or is sexually ambivalent, and Santa will have something to give all good boys and girls.