Riviera H3: Lou Papier

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Never Cums

The U.K. Nash Hash 28/08 – 31/08/08. Organised by Edinburgh HHH,
Details here.
Marathon Bhutan, 7th September 2008
Details here.

Sadist tells all about : A weekend in Italy

A hash weekend in Italy always sounds a good idea and you can't really refuse to be a hare for the Friday evening run when you are asked in Perth after more than a couple of beers. Perpetual Motion had also been press ganged into agreeing to hare the Saturday Hash.

So, having thought about the 7 Ps, to give time to recce the terrain on the Friday we set out on Thursday morning. The venue was said to be halfway between Genoa and Piacenza and a cross-country route from Genoa looked more interesting than a long trek by autostrada. A stop for lunch somewhere going up a winding road out of Genoa presented us with huge plates of pasta and lashings of red wine; as I was driving, I left it to Perpetch to get lashed on the red wine.

Just as well, as after lunch the road was more like a rally trail which finished with a climb up a cinder track through the clouds and down into Mareto where the hash was to be held. However on Thursday night we were to stay with Maria Callas in a village called Poggioli at the bottom of the valley. Following the directions received, we turned left after a pile of concrete pipes and ended up in a farmyard where we asked the centenarian sole inhabitant for Signora Poggioli as, confusingly, Maria Callas has the same surname as the village. He pointed out her house. It seems that we should have turned left after we saw the concrete pipes, not after we had passed them.

However the house was deserted - no-one was to be seen; so we phoned the numbers given by S+M and heard the phone ring in side the house. Nothing to do but wait and admire the wonderful view across the valley. Eventually Maria Callas turned up- she had walked up the hill from Farini, the nearest town. She showed us round the barn that was her house which had been marvellously restored by Dario her husband ( who looks just like James Robertson Justice- if you remember who he was) and was equipped with satellite television and internet. Splendid hospitality was provided that evening- we were introduced to the local wines and the salami, prosciutto and coppa and formaggio.

Next day we went back up the hills to Mareto to check in at the hotel and find trails for the hash runs. Perpetch went off to the right and I checked to the left. After a while I came upon the village of Nicelli, pronounced Knee Jelly- no doubt after some porcine product- but could it be a village of Welsh emigrants pronounced Nicely? No one around to ask nor any telltale flocks of sheep, but there was a yard full of goats. Strangely at the hash I had been on near Le Mans the previous weekend we did come across a curious botanic sexual perversion performed by the local vicar ( Abbe Chevreau (Kid) no less ) who had crossed an oak tree with a chestnut and produced a tree with a chestnut on top and an oak at the bottom. But I digress.

Not wishing to put too great a strain on the hashers for a Friday evening run, I mentally mapped out a pleasant tour with beer stop which should take about an hour for the walkers. So after a lunch of a copiously filled ham sandwich with a glass or two of red wine at the hotel, I set out with flour to lay the trail. I should say that it had been a pleasant sunny day until then, although there were clouds around., but just as I was setting the last few parts of the trail, the heavens opened and it started to pour down. I could see all the flour I had laid being washed down the valley no doubt to form some enormous lump of dough at the bottom. A retreat to the hotel to get into some dry clothes was called for. A bedraggled Perpetch also turned up shortly afterwards. The Bag and Cellular Sex had arrived at the hotel so it was time to drink some red wine until the hash bar opened and we could have some salami and cheese and more red wine.

Throughout the afternoon Milan hashers were arriving and it was said that a contingent was on their way from Riviera with some question mark as to whether Incredible Hulk would be among them. Yet it seemed that the group for the weekend would be composed almost entirely of walkers so not much need for a challenging trail for runners. The rain had stopped but I had decided that re laying the flour shortly before the pack was to set off would ensure there was a chance that the flour would not all be washed away. This was the third time that day that I walked the trail.
By the time I got to the beer stop, Dario had already brought the beer wagon and parked in full view of the walkers who were passing along a road just above where he had parked. No one did a short cut to the beer wagon! It was about a half hour wait until they all arrived at the beer stop- we could follow their progress by the sound of dogs barking as each house was passed A quick beer stop and then a short walk back to the hotel where S & M, the new RMBH3 Grand Master cracked her whipped and ran the first circle of the week end- down downs to the usual suspects.

Time then for dinner- salami, prosciutto, coppa, pasta and cheese and a few bottles of red. The default local wine is a fizzy red, not to everyone's preference, so each meal we had to negotiate for a still variety. Music and singing was led by Finger In with his guitar and for some the evening went on into the small hours.

Having done my trail setting duty I could now relax and see what Perpetual Motion had in store for us. He had tried to lay some trail on Friday afternoon but as it was all washed away he set off again at seven on Saturday morning. The rest of us could have some cheese and ham and salami and coppa for breakfast. Afterwards, distribution of shocking pink T shirts and shorts-an original colour!

Some people were brave enough to wear this strip for the hash at 11am- perhaps they thought it would frighten off the wild boar and elephants and whatever other wild life awaiting them in the local jungle. Perpetual Motion said he had laid different trails for walkers and runners and horror! there would even be checks for the walkers to check out. So the runners ( Pedo and Sadist ) set out. Their first check had falsies leading past the cemetery and ended up near one of the many dung heaps that were scattered around the countryside; then while the walkers were taking the high road, the runners took the low road, which happened to be fairly flat until we got to a number of checks which always had falsies leading uphill. It was a question of how far we had to go uphill until we came to a cross. In the process we could admire the countryside and the many varieties of flora growing along the trail. On one of these uphill trails we hit a road where we met Mad March Hare, the leading walker. I recognised the road as being the cinder track which went over the mountain range into the next valley- how far up would we have to go? Quite a long way. Coming across a check where there was a trail leading downhill, I sensed that the beer stop would be down, whereas the walkers having got into their uphill gears carried on going up. Of course I called OnOn when I found that that flour was laid for more than one or two blobs and kicked out the checks I found en route. A fiercesome black run finished this descent and round the corner was the beer wagon, manned by Dario and an assistant.

Some time elapsed before there were signs that the rest of the pack was following and Perpetch even went back uphill to see where they were all lost. But eventually they all arrived- Knickerlicker's and Confusion's poles having been shared out to negotiate the black run. Gin and tonics were called for! And then as the lunch onon had a fixed time, we headed along the road back to Mareto- a short cut across the fields would have been shorter but no one attempted it.

The circle was postponed to later in the day and we piled into cars, following Iron Bum to the agriturismo. In spite of having been there earlier in the morning and that there were road signs and that the trail from the previous night went past the place, Iron Bum managed to lead us up a false trail and we ended up at the end of a farm track. In the end we got there and sat down to a splendid lunch of local organic products. Course followed course and the wine flowed. All extremely tasty and naturally more salami, ham, coppa and cheese; one speciality was omelette from the local ostriches' eggs. After lunch we were promised a tour of the farm. This turned out to follow most of the trail from Friday and we ended up in the cowshed where a hundred cows were sheltering and would be herdsmen such as Pedo and Perpetch could tempt the animals with handfuls of hay.

Sorry to tell you this but back at the hotel I opted for a siesta which overran and I missed the circle which was obviously very successful as Dario's assistant had enjoyed the day so much he had to be taken home, and S & M went up for a quick lie down and didn't wake up until after midnight, missing dinner and she had to forage in the hash bar for a packet of chips.

The hotel gave another copious dinner with a menu varied from lunch and the previous evening, but it was a struggle to do justice to it. More wine, and music from Finger In made the evening slip by. A wedding in another part of the hotel also enlivened the evening- inevitably with an accordion player.

Sunday morning at the hotel was busy with a cycle race from Piacenza finishing just outside the front door- 50 kilometres with the last 11 being all uphill. Pedo had been volunteered to set the Hare of the Dog hash- he promised that it would be short but also intellectually challenging. If we counted the checks which were Smileys we would get the prize. I don't know if anyone was up to the challenge- but it was complicated by Pedo adding Smileys after most of the hash had gone by. The hash turned out to be a nice walk in the sunshine but it was longer than I expected- a turn round the block ending up at the front of the hotel was not the end; we went on through the village and ended up doing the trail I had set for the second half for Friday night, but in reverse. But no beer at the point I had marked BS for beer stop- where was Dario and his assistant? Still sleeping off the food and wine of Saturday? So in the end I walked the trail for the fifth time that weekend.

A short circle back at the hotel, where we all got down downs for being competitive in Pedo's competition and he was down downed for not having any prizes. Down downs too to all the people who had organised the weekend , come from far away, had birthdays, etc,etc.

Another lunch appointment called. This time in another village down the hill. Again Italian country cuisine came out with an enjoyable meal with plenty of extra food produced and more wine. The Riviera contingent in Two Cheeky's car were heading home by motorway and gave Perpetch a lift to the ATM in Farini at the bottom of the hill, leaving him to run off his lunch on the 11 kilometres uphill back to Mareto.

Most of the group were leaving during the afternoon leaving only a hard core to spend the night at the hotel where once again the hotel produced a simple evening meal and we added to their collection of empty wine bottles.

So in spite of downpours on Friday, gastronomic pleasures and wonderful countryside all contributed to making a most enjoyable weekend, needing most of the following week for recovery. Pity Incredible Hulk and other Riviera hashers missed it.
Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

R*n 583: NEXT HASH 15-Jun

As a change to the usual Hash, chez nous, we have decided to hold a Father's Day Hash as follows:

Hares: Prestressed and Skinny A

Start: At the parking adjacent to the Lycée Regional de Valbonne on the Route de Biot, approximately 2.1km from Valbonne, just past Jimmy's.
Time: 14h00 for 14h30, Sunday 15 June.

On In: Jimmy's Killer Prawn, 1018 Route de Biot, Valbonne, tel 04 9312 1372, at around 18h00.
Cost: €22 to include 3 course meal with wine, and a choice of prawns or ribs for the main course.

Please reserve in advance with Prestressed by replying to this e-mail, or by phone, 04 9312 1623; 06 2813 6759.

See You Sunday


Prestressed and Skinny A

Directions From A8 Autoroute

From the East
Watch Out for the new speed camera prior to Exit 48 Cagnes sur Mer!
Take Exit 47, Villeneuve Loubet
Keep right, following signs for Grasse and Roquefort les Pins (D2 leading on to D2085).
After 10km, turn left at roundabout onto D204, direction Valbonne
After 4.8km, turn left at roundabout, direction Biot, D4
After 1.1km, turn left at roundabout into parking adjacent to Lycée.

From the West
Take Exit 42, Cannes Mougins
Follow signs for Grasse, Mougins, N85
After 1km, exit, direction Valbonne Centre, D3
Follow signs to Valbonne for about 7km
Enter Valbonne and turn right after Marie (large modern building) onto Ave de Pierrefeu.
After 1.5km, turn right at roundabout , direction Biot D4
After 1.1km, turn left at roundabout into parking adjacent to Lycée.

Map here.