RIVIERA HASH TRASH 568
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Cumalot and Farty Bum (for walkers)
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Perth Interhash, 21st - 23rd March 2008
The U.K. Nash Hash 28/08 – 31/08/08. Organised by Edinburgh HHH,
Hares: Dirty Dingus & Sud Sucker
Location : Mouans-Sartoux
The hash started on the wrong side of the tracks on a 'fresh' (English euphemism for a tad cold and windy) winters day. Despite the intricate directions given by Dingus none of the pack got lost, not even Farty Bum!
Future hares see Dingus for advice on how to prepare Hasher-proof directions….
Despite being in the very perineum of the year, there was a very good turnout of people and Hash Hounds. Dire-rear and Toss-Pot returned after Dire-Rear had recovered from being savaged by faithful hound, Bozo. Bozo was conspicuous by his absence but Dire-Rear insisted they had not eaten any Vietnamese specialities over the Xmas period.
After the standard briefing explaining the meaning of checks, flour etc. we headed off on a largely urban run taking in the sights of the area such as the proposed Ikea development site, the historic town centre, various railway crossings (over and under) and parks.
The route was intricate and interesting as expected from such an experienced Hare as Dingus but to fool any complacent runners, he had introduced Milan & Royal Bordighera rules i.e. checkbacks.
This ensured the runners kept together though Padre went missing for some time as the more circumspect runners waited for him to find the trail. Cumalot dutifully waited for Padre to return from a very long falsie, not out of concern for his health but because Padre had the key to the Beer car.
However, it appears that the checkback confused the walkers to the point where half of them claimed to have seen one on their trail and interpreted the meaning of the solid white line as a bar, i.e. they had to spend the rest of the Hash in the nearest Bar. This was despite the best efforts of Shepherds Bush and the curious fact that there were no checkbacks on the walkers trail.
The runners and the less directionally challenged walkers enjoyed beer, chocolate, crisps and conviviality at the beer-stop but the phone calls soon came in from the lost walkers who by now had decided a bar was the best place to be on a cold Sunday afternoon.
However, confirmed cat-lover Madame Mouton was seen trying to poison Hash Hounds with chocolate. Clearly a case of four-legs good, dog-breath bad. When accused at the circle, her defence was that their owners asked her to do it. The charge was therefore changed to attempted involuntary euthanasia of a dog.
The second half was a straight-ish run in to the start. The circle was short and sweet as it was now getting even colder.
Sadist - for running trail forward and backwards
Returners - Pharty-Bum, Dire Rear & Toss-Pot
Visitors - Cindy Bear, Andy, Bev (Gonad Grabber)
Dingus - Accusing Anne of Cleavage of impersonating a walker
Madame Mouton - feeding dogs poison
Walkers (too numerous to mention) - shortcut-ed to circle but had to pay for their own beer. (NB As beermeister, this would make my life easier if adopted by all the RHHH)
Shit-of -the-Week - Farty Bum for crimes which have been forgotten by me but it was very cold by now.
Down-downs we didn't have time for:-
Gonad Grabber (Bev) - who hadn't been Hashing for so long she had forgotten her name. Luckily, we found a name tag on her coat saying "Bev".
Farty Bum - for claiming she was always "quiet and never noisy". Mad Max misheard and thought this was an early New Year resolution. You could cut the disappointment with a knife.
The majority of the pack then walked to the Hares' ancient Provencal lean-to for warming home made soup, home made mince pies, sherry and mulled wine in front of a blazing fire.
Infrequent visitor Cindy Bear from Milan HHH, timed his trip well and was showered with mice pies and yoghurt, luckily still in their packaging.
Many thanks to the Hares for the trail and hospitality…
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 569: NEXT HASH 13-Jan