Riviera H3: Lou Papier

RIVIERA HASH TRASH 554
édition électronique en plus!

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Lou Papier

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Hares go to a lot of time and trouble to set trails and organise on-ons. Please remember this before you start whingeing. If you have a genuine gripe, bring it up with everyone, don't make snide comments!

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IAH2007, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, 31st August - 3rd September 2007
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Perth Interhash, 21st - 23rd March 2008
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Run # 554 Pedo’s Gorges de Loup 29 July 2007

Approaching the stade of La Colle-sur-Loup, the meeting place for Pedo’s run, we observed a municipal worker in a bright green florescent top, standing by the traffic lights watching the cars go by. "Unusual to see a municipal worker on a Sunday", we thought as we rounded the corner, and then realized it was Sadist, wearing one of his more exotic hash T- shirts. But why was he just standing there? Why didn’t he drape himself around the lamp-post and point the way with his sexy legs, as Maneater used to do?

The two American girls, Lickity Clit and Keverlee, were back for another mad Sunday with the Riviera hash, and they’d also brought along their friend Richard from Texas, so that made THREE young people! And all runners!

We heard raucous laughter and turned to find MudWrestler, Pedo’s co-hare for the day. Why was she laughing? Because someone had asked her a question about the trail. "You expect me to know that?" cried MudWrestler. "I only just got out of bed!!"

Virgin Mouth, who has failed to procure us a fresh supply of out-of-date crisps from Geoffrey’s for several weeks now, was busy passing around chocolate crunchies (which wouldn’t even be out-of-date until Tuesday), hoping in this way to avoid a down-down for dereliction of duty. She had also brought along several cartons of jam dodger biscuits. But no crisps.

Dingus blew his whistle, so Pedo called his co-hare and began to quickly run through the instructions for the walkers’ route. MudWrestler laughed merrily and called out, "Are you listening, Farty Bum?" It was clear she had no intention of leading the walkers, and thus began her performance as "least dependable co-hare in the history of the Riviera HHH."

Farty Bum snapped to attention and asked Pedo to kindly repeat his instructions. Virgin Mouth and Fairy Plunger could also be seen concentrating heavily as Pedo described the walkers’ trail. They looked doubtfully at each other when Pedo finished and asked, "Have you got that?" He had said there would be no flour on the trail until they got near the river.

Dingus blew his whistle again, and the twelve runners dashed off to wherever they were going. The walkers fell into line behind Fairy Plunger, with MudWrestler and her virgin friend Marie bringing up the rear, chatting animatedly together in French. Whore’s Inn, C More Pussy and Testicle Twister were somewhere in the middle.

The directions weren’t too complicated – go down the road past the collège and keep going straight until you arrive at a certain street, and then turn right. Then continue straight on until you arrive at PreStressed’s car, which will be the beer stop. Farty Bum was familiar with the area and said she was pretty sure she would recognize the spot where they were supposed to turn left. "Didn’t he say right?" asked Virgin Mouth. "I’m pretty sure he said right," said Fairy Plunger. Farty Bum, who is known to be somewhat directionally challenged, saw some teenage boys by the side of the road and asked them, just to be sure. "Keep going about another kilometer," they said, "and then turn right."

The walkers were just trying to decide whether they had gone a kilometer yet when they saw a large arrow on the road, pointing right. Pedo, in a display of brilliant haring foresight, was not taking any chances with his sub-competent co-hare and equally questionably-competent walkers, and this critically placed arrow saved the walkers from getting lost at the most challenging section of their trail.

Several minutes later the front walkers were approaching the riverbank when they were halted by a loud shout. "Come back!!" shouted Whore’s Inn. "He told us to stop at PreStressed’s car!" Fairy Plunger, recognizing the authority of a fellow male (who used to be a runner until quite recently) turned back instantly. "Was that PreStressed’s car?" asked Farty Bum. "I thought it was more mustard-coloured." "It’s too soon for the beer stop!" cried MudWrestler, and called back to Whore’s Inn, "We’re going to cross the river and go a little farther. We’ll see you on the way back." "Maybe we should ask Pedo," suggested Virgin Mouth. "Oh darn! I don’t have my phone!" said MudWrestler. "I have a phone, but I don’t know Pedo’s number," said C More Pussy. "Maybe MudWrestler could tell you the number," suggested Testicle Twister. "Oh, what a good idea!" cried MudWrestler. C More Pussy dialed the number and passed the phone to MudWrestler. "Pedo!" she cried. "We’re at the riverbank. Should we cross the river or go back to the yellow car?" "I think you’d better go back," said Pedo, "because the runners are nearly there." MudWrestler, in a rare example of listening to her husband, turned around and led the walkers the fifty meters or so round the bend in the road, back to the yellow car. Lo and behold, all the runners were there! Including Perpetch, who had not been with them at the beginning.

The tranquility of the beerstop was shattered when a runner burst out of the woods, scattering dogs and interrupting conversations. We thought we recognized Procul as he flashed by, and it was indeed Procul, who had arrived late and run the trail in reverse at great speed in the hope of catching up with the runners. Fortunately, he also recognized the hashers as he dashed through their midst, and managed to stop himself about ten meters further down the road; otherwise he would have found himself back at the car park, alone again.

The beerstop was soon over and we headed for the river, knowing we would now be getting our feet wet. But first there was a short interruption after a sharp-eyed runner, Lickity Clit I believe, spied a green parakeet hidden among the leaves in a small tree. It was clearly somebody’s lost pet, and the walkers gathered round while Pedo chirped and cheeped and clucked in a vain effort to encourage the parakeet to come down to him and be saved from cats.

The first part of the river crossing was on stepping stones, many of them lying crookedly on the riverbed so that we had to step onto pointy corners rather than flat surfaces. (Shouldn’t Pedo have got a down-down for this? – not straightening out his stepping stones?) This stepping required some concentration, which meant that Mud Wrestler and her friend Marie were soon left far behind, as they couldn’t talk and step onto pointy rocks at the same time. There were also many families with young children sitting on these stepping stones (friendly – they didn’t object to sharing their rocks with us). To our left, at the Villeneuve end of the river, was the tail end of the ‘parcours aventure’, with riders zinging through the treetops on overhead wires. But we were going right, along the La Colle section of the river.

The next part of the crossing required us to wade through water about nine inches deep. Farty Bum enjoyed cooling off her feet in the river, but Virgin Mouth and Fairy Plunger preferred to avoid getting wet by going back to the bank and walking along a path behind some trees. But at the third part of the crossing, although the water was only three or four inches deep, there was no way of getting across dry, and Virgin Mouth resigned herself to wetting her feet. Fairy Plunger, however, decided to take his shoes and socks off. This resulted in him falling so far behind that Pedo asked him to kindly keep an eye on the co-hare and the virgin, who were still way behind, maneuvering themselves across the stepping stones. Somehow we got the impression that Fairy Plunger found this responsibility rather irksome, as much later on, when he finally appeared at the parking lot at the end of the run, he muttered something about getting trapped behind two French women who never stopped talking.

After crossing the river, the next section of the trail was between the vertical walls of the gorge, with rock climbers dangling from ropes, or picnicking so close to our trail that we could have helped ourselves to a few pieces of the saucisson that guy was cutting. Then we came to a beautiful, dark shady area, stunningly peaceful. Pedo explained that the last time he did a hash here, five or six years ago, a retired policeman living in a house nearby had allowed him to bring his jeep in and hold the beerstop at this lovely place. But the conseille regional bought the house and has permanently closed off the access road, so that’s the reason Pedo had to situate his beer stop so early in the run this time.

Pedo ran on ahead and we saw him in the distance busily freshening his flour. When we arrived at the main road, we found a large arrow marked ‘W’ pointing right, and another large arrow marked ‘Ginette’ pointing left (in the most beautiful, swirly flour handwriting ever seen at a hash). (‘Ginette’ of course, is ‘MudWrestler’ in French.)

A few minutes walk slightly uphill along the main road got us back to the parking lot, where the runners had already been waiting for some time. We had to wait such a long time for the rest of the walkers that we began to fear they had followed the Ginette arrow, but eventually they began trickling in. The very last to arrive were the co-hare and her friend Marie.

There might be a runner somewhere with the down-down list, working on a run report (or there may not be). This report compliments of the walkers, and the following down-downs are reconstructed from memory.

Hare: Pedo (alone). (MudWrestler not deemed worthy to join him.)

Co-hares: All walkers except Marie (see report, pre-beerstop, above). MudWrestler allowed (just) to join other co-hares in the circle.

Late: Perpetch

Very late: Procul

Causing lateness: Dingus, for not changing the time of Procul’s hash (5 o’clock) to the time

of Pedo’s hash (4 o’clock) on the web-site until certain people had already printed

the directions.

Repetetiveness: Riviera hash for using the same old song over and over. Accusation by Richard, who said California hash sings a different song every down-down. Richard

and Lickity Clit then sang one of their California down-down songs.

Trying to lose MudWrestler: Pedo narrowly escaped severe punishment for his ‘Ginette’ arrow by quickly explaining that he was not trying to send her on a false trail at all but merely showing that he understood women. He said he knew that if he told

MudWrestler to go right, she would go left, so he therefore told her to go left,

knowing perfectly well that she would immediately turn right.

He got a down-down anyway, of course, for being a sneaky bastard.

Farewell: Lickity Clit, Keverlee and Richard, who are off to other destinations. Pedo again

demonstrated his mental and verbal dexterity when Keverlee explained that she was

flying back to the States on Wednesday, and then leaving for Amsterdam on Sunday. "The things you have to do to get a cheap flight these days!" he cried.

Shit-of-the-Week: This should have gone to MudWrestler but somehow it ended up being Lickity Clit, for not doing last hash’s run report.

 

For the restaurant, we had to drive all the way from La Colle-sur-Loup to "L’oiseau qui chante" in Antibes, but we got a great meal and friendly service.

Thank-you Pedo, for an excellet hash – not too long for a hot July Sunday, and with some really stunning scenery along the river. The co-hare, though totally useless, was very merry and contributed greatly to the atmosphere. You should bring her more often, Pedo!

 

EXTRA!! EXTRA!!

A number of hashers accepted Klingon’s invitation to a barbeque in celebration of five-week-old Alessandra Hei Yin Klingonette at the family poolside in Gatièrres on Sunday. A carful of walkers arrived around noon, where they met the star of the show (a beautiful delicate little thing, with a Klingon mouth) along with her mother, father, grandmother and cousin, and a crowd of young co-workers from Klingon’s office, who kept referring to Klingon as "Jerry" and Boots as "Peggy".

About two hours after these early arrivals, more hashers began to arrive, starting with Jobsworth and family. When Jobsworth was introduced to one of Klingon’s co-workers, he remarked, "I already know this one. She was the witness at the wedding."

"Wedding?" said Farty Bum. "Is Klingon married?" "Damn!" said Jobsworth.

"Klingon, are you MARRIED??" asked Farty Bum.

"You can’t believe any of the rumours you hear around here," said Klingon, neither confirming nor denying the ‘rumour’.

The rest of the hashers around the pool suddenly remembered Boots saying to Klingon in the kitchen, "I never would have married you if I’d known you were a Brittany Spears fan."

We couldn’t understand why Klingon wouldn’t want it known that he was married, until one of his co-workers revealed that the name of the off-shore company they work for is "Single Buoy". So it’s perhaps understandable that Klingon might not want his EMPLOYERS to know he was married, but whatever reason could he have for not wanting to tell the Hash???

Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!

NEXT RUN
Whoresin
 
R*n 555: NEXT HASH 5-Aug


Run Number 555 The Wet and Wild One

Where? – When? – How? and Why?

Where?

Somewhere in France

When is it?

Sunday the 12th August Meet at 11.30 for 12.00

How do I get there?

From Valbonne

In Valbonne take the D4 Direction Opio/Biot

Outside Valbonne village after a short twisty bit turn left at the Junction of the D4 and D3 direction Opio

Continue of the D3 for approximately 7km and going straight over 3 roundabouts (not literally, you know what I mean). Continue straight on up the hill for approximately 2km direction Chateauneuf from the roundabout with a large Champion supermarket seen on the right. Continue straight on over a silly small roundabout.

Arrive at a larger roundabout known as Rond-Point du Lac. Take the D2085 (Route de Nice) which again is effectively straight on.

After 170 metres exactly (I know I have measured with) turn right in the D2210 (Route de Grasse) at a small roundabout and then immediately turn left back onto the D3 direction Gourdon (not direction Bar Sur Loup).

Continue on the D3 (now known as the Route de Gourdon) direction Gourdon for approximately 4km. After a small section of dual carriageway you’ll come across a bloody great big factory known as the P.A. de la Sarree. Turn left into what appears to be the entrance to the factory (no we are not having a factory visit). Take the round which runs alongside the factory wall for about 400 metres turn left and follow this round for approximately 1km. You will see a sign on the left "Karting" and then a little further on on the right a site for "Mega Paintball". The car park is opposite the "Mega Paintball".

From Grasse

Take the D2085 to Pre de Lac to small roundabout. At the small roundabout take the D2210 (Route de Grasse) and then immediately turn left back onto the D3 direction Gourdon (not direction Bar Sur Loup).

Continue on the D3 (now known as the Route de Gourdon) direction Gourdon for approximately 4km. After a small section of dual carriageway you’ll come across a bloody great big factory known as the P.A. de la Sarree. Turn left into what appears to be the entrance to the factory (no we are not having a factory visit). Take the round which runs alongside the factory wall for about 400 metres turn left and follow this round for approximately 1km. You will see a sign on the left "Karting" and then a little further on on the right a site for "Mega Paintball". The car park is opposite the "Mega Paintball".

Soon the instructions in paperback

Why?

ANY EXCUSE FOR A BARBECUE AND POOL PARTY SO BRING YOUR COSY AND ASSUMMING THE WEATHER IS GOOD A PAIR OF BINOCULARS

PLEASE LET US KNOW IN ADVANCE IF YOUR COMING ‘CAUSE THE CATERING STAFF GET A LITTLE TETCHY

Ptaylor13@gmail.com

Or telephone 04 93 66 40 48

Cost 17 Euro for the grub and plunge

5Euro for the run/walk

 

 

 

On On Whoresin and C-More Pussy