RIVIERA HASH TRASH 540
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In Your Papier
set a run
An article by A Nony Mouse
Hares go to a lot of time and trouble to set trails and organise on-ons. Please remember this before you start whingeing. If you have a genuine gripe, bring it up with everyone, don't make snide comments!
Hash directions should go firstname.lastname@example.org
Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I’ll publish and be dammed
25 Years of Hashing in the Hague, 27th - 30th April 2007
Prestressed's Mid-summer Party/Hash, 23rd-24th June 2007
Euro Hash, London, 13th - 15th July 2007
IAH2007, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, 31st August - 3rd September 2007
Blue Danube H3 River Cruise, 9th - 16th September 2007
Porquerolles Away Weekend, 21st - 23rd September 2007
According to the co-hare, Padre, the Hare ( Big End) had set the same trails for the runners and the walkers. Yet many times it seemed, the runners came across the gaggle of walkers who had been, or would be, on a totally different itinerary. For instance, the runners set off down the road and came across a check which was assiduously checked out by Dingus, Jorge, Sudsucker, Prestressed, Procul, Sadist et al until Big End arrived shepherding the walkers and then shooed us off from the path she wanted the walkers to take. This meant the runners were forced to trespass across a field of private land ( we were told to ' be French' about legality on this hash!) , dangerously scramble down a river bank and proceed along an anklebreaking dried up river bed until we came across an ancient stone construction spanning the river ( or what would have been the river in the days when we used to have water). This was an old aqueduct of great archaeological significance according to Padre; but he failed to expand on the historical moment or how it came to be linking nowhere with nowhere.
Well the walkers ( on the same trail as the runners?) missed all this as we found them some time later in a clearing in the woods where once again the runners ran round checking out hundreds of falsies while the walkers hung around continuing their conversations. Eventually the correct trail was discovered and we ran through the undergrowth to reach another check from which Prestressed led us along a narrow track requiring single file walking pace as the path was crisscrossed with brambles, thorns, branches, fallen trees as well as being on a slope. Jorge instead of climbing over on large fallen tree trunk put all his weight on it whereupon it collapsed with a loud crack, making it much easier for those following behind.. Some screams from female runners as they came across the brambles and probably people are still pulling out the thorns and splinters. This crowded progress reminded me of an infamous trail in Penang where conditions were aggravated by pouring rain and oncoming dark, where several dozen hashers were advancing in single file on the mountainside only to arrive at the end of a falsie and go through the pain of retracing their steps back to the check. Sure enough Prestressed found the cross at the end of the falsie and a return was required.
There seemed little alternative for us. Prestresssed said he could hear the chattering of the walkers in the wood up above us but the bush was impenetrable as well as being steep. Back to the check and a scramble to reach the flat area at the top where the walkers had been on a perfectly easy path and were by now miles ahead. Indeed this gentle byway led us to a spot from which we could see them in the distance strolling along an uphill path towards the parked beercar.
There was no easy way to the beer stop for the runners as Perpetual Motion later found out. A rocky path took the trail down to our old friend the river bed and then along it. Following a blob of flour on the river bank. I climbed the bank in the direction of the beerstop, there was no further flour but there was Big End looking surprised at my unexpected appearance from this short cut and rather annoyed that I had missed the most outstanding feature of the first half, namely the sewage works which was bubbling away in its concrete tanks. Well I stopped to admire the aesthetics of this fine work of engineering and headed up the new tarmac road towards the beer car which still seemed quite a long way away. I don't really do running uphill so after a while I walked. However Sudsucker and Prestressed managed to run all the way up- they bust have been in need of a beer!
After the beer stop ( beer/champagne/water/birthday cake/crisps/Nobby Nuts/etc/etc) and all the latecomers had joined us, we had a second chance to admire the sewage works after running downhill again. After exploring the river bed for a bit, I found myself stuck behind the single file of walkers going uphill and after reaching the top found once again that the walkers were having a different version of the same trail..The runners were sent onto the road and had to slog away uphill for a mile or so before being sent back onto the sylvan paths that had been the preserve of those going at a more leisurely pace. The runners reached the car park far in advance of those walkers bearing keys to the beercar. Not that hanging around in the sunshine was to be complained about that day , until the beermeister arrived and refreshment was opened.
All praise/ blame to the hare, Big End, said Padre, who wanted no responsibility. But I must ask who made those blobs of flour which looked very like arrows pointing in the opposite direction several times? It seemed like Padre to me.
19th Birthday Hash Circle and walkers report
Unaccustomed as I am to doing the walkers trail here is my attempt to do it an injustice.
I can honestly say that the runners and walkers experiences are quite different. When running, you are constantly looking for the trail, cursing the Hares for the false trails up mountains/though open sewers etc. etc., cursing yourself for having the fitness level of a geriatric asthmatic and trying not to tread in the "crottes de chein".
When walking, you spend a great deal of time chatting, hoping someone ahead of you is following a trail (preferably the correct one), taking in the sights that the Hares have thoughtfully found for you (the mountains, the sea, sewerage works, rubbish tips etc. etc.) and trying not to tread in the "crottes de chein".
The walk was a pleasant mixture of semi-urban, woodland trails and a steep rocky decent (no climbing gear required) while Big End shepherded us along the trail. This was a ‘kind’ trail for the walkers, only one rocky path down to a river bed and one climb up to the beer stop above the sewerage works. The beer stop was long and chilly but we were treated to Hash Birthday cake and champagne to make up for it.
This long break allowed Two Cheeky to explain to virgin Nathalie the subtle difference between the meaning of the Hash names "Tosspot" and "Cumalot". Clearly, this was information that no aspiring French lawyer can do without!
Mme. Mouton and Claire tuned up halfway through in a car, claiming their directions took them here and not to the start. This was a valid excuse as directions v.1 had indeed been wrong but they should have anticipated this cunning ploy by the Hares and re-checked the webshite for directions v.2.
Downdowns were administered later to all guilty parties (see below).
The second half of the trail involved some backtracking but the return involved a walk in the woods with Shepherds Bush living up to his name by helping several of the Harriettes across a small ditch. Some of them enjoyed it so much that they came back for a second turn.
However, Shepherds Bush later blotted his copybook by revealing his true thoughts on the Women’s Walking Club.
Hares : Padre & Big End
Car bound Hashers : Madame Mouton & Claire
No sense of direction : Prestressed
"Moving target" directions : Padre & Big End
Early onset of Alzheimers award : Pedo for forgetting Hash names
Jankers for being late on parade & shortcutting : Perpetch
Keeping the runners waiting for the beer : Cumalot & CumsKwicker
Baby abuse in the circle : Quaillewd
Taking a mobile call in the circle : Contessa
Being too drunk to recognise champagne : Mudwrestler
Being brutally honest about the WWC (women’s walking club) : Shepherds Bush
Karate Kid feat, breaking a tree in two with his bare arse : Jorge
Reward for baking Hash Birthday Cake : Big End
Returners : Mud Wrestler, Sadist, Sneaky Bastard, Jingle Balls, Son of SB & JB), Two Cheeky, Quaillewd, Del Boy, Kate, Peter
50 Run mug : Knicker Licker
Birthdays : Knicker Licker, Contessa, Procul
Whinging Welsh for losing to Italy in rugby : Big End, Pedo, Procul
RHHH Founders present on Hash Birthday : Sadist, Contessa, Padre, Procul, Pedo
Virgins : Elizabeth, Nathalie, Susan
Shit of The Week : Pedo for reasons unknown
Sexual Harassment : Sneaky Bastard
Sudanese Goat Harassment (you had to be there) : Procul, Prestressed, Confusion
After the circle we all trekked through the mean streets of Grasse back to Padre and Big End’s place where Stella Artios had been slaving away in the kitchens.
Kudos as ever to Big End and Stella Artios for providing a superb meal for the masses.
The group then divided into the outdoor sun worshippers and the indoor rugger-buggers, the latter witnessing the "Grand Chlem" hopes of France being dashed on the field of Twickenham.
A great day and thanks to all those involved.
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 541: NEXT HASH 25 Mar
Time: 14:00 for 14:30
Location: 'La Pinede' , by the sculpture of the 'Sailing boat', facing the sea.
Boulevard Edouard Baudoin (N98), 06160 Juan les Pins
Hare: No Satisfaction!
Tel: NEW MOBILE!!! 0617401343
This one is the 'Lounge Lizards' with a nice late start 14:00 for 14:30
This year's jaunt to 'Juan les Pins' also includes a new choice of restaurant.
Leave yourself plenty of time as 'Juan les Pins' gets very busy on a sunny afternoon.
The run starts at 'La Pinede', the venue of the annual 'Jazz Juan' festival.
We will meet by the sculpture of the 'Sailing Boat'.
From the 'A8' take exit '44' ' Antibes, Juan les Pins' and follow the signs to the centre of 'Juan les Pins'.
Get to the sea road 'N98' (which becomes 'Boulevard Edouard Baudoin') and follow signs in the direction of the 'town centre' and 'Cap D'Antibes', with the sea on your right. Drive through the town centre', passing the hotel 'Le Meridien' Garden Beach' Casino on your right.
Before turning right onto the 'Cap D'Antibes' road, you will see 'La Pinede', on your right, which is a collection of pine trees with a big boules pitch, just by the sea.
Park legally anywhere near here. You can always find a space in one of the side roads, across the road.
Later you can walk from where the run starts to the restaurant.
Looking forward to seeing you!