RIVIERA HASH TRASH 538
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Harley D & Pedo
Hares go to a lot of time and trouble to set trails and organise on-ons. Please remember this before you start whingeing. If you have a genuine gripe, bring it up with everyone, don't make snide comments!
Hash directions should go email@example.com
Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I’ll publish and be dammed
Africa Nash Hash, 16th - 18th March 2007
25 Years of Hashing in the Hague, 27th - 30th April 2007
Prestressed's Mid-summer Party/Hash, 23rd-24th June 2007
Euro Hash, London, 13th - 15th July 2007
IAH2007, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, 31st August - 3rd September 2007
Blue Danube H3 River Cruise, 9th - 16th September 2007
Porquerolles Away Weekend, 21st - 23rd September 2007
Cumalot’s odd shaped ball hash
Time flies and it was already 6 months since the hash last invaded and pillaged Cumalot & Kums Kwiker’s quiet and pleasant world in La Gaude. Sadly, the weather is not yet conducive to anyone other than McGoose swimming at this time of year (although if we keep pumping out all that hot air, it may soon be), so the hash had to make do with watching an odd shaped ball moving back and forward between some green men and some blue men on the telly.
However, before we could enjoy the on on, we had to actually do some exercise. And so it was that Cumalot had spent weeks, nay months, recceing around La Gaude (time that would have been far better spent doing something productive like playing Super Mario Kart) to come up trumps and find virgin hash territory. Hurrah!
Most of the hash assembled on time at "Les 3 Frontières" as it’s not known locally, on the La Gaude side of the border with Cagnes Sur Mer and St Laurent du Var. Fortunately for Jingle Balls & Sneaky Bastard, they saw Jobsworth driving down to the hash thereby avoiding them the ignaminity of sailing on the wrong way & ending up in a ski resort (minus snow).
Bit of a problem at the start, mind. We were at the top of a hill and all routes went down. On on was called and off it was, guess where, downhill direction the Med. Just as the hash set off, the first devious check was found, leaving time for latecomers (who clearly struggle to get out of bed early on a Sunday) to join the festivities. No names, but Dingus, Sudsucker, Mr Pizza Mme Mouton & Perpetch come to mind.
The extra resource was much appreciated as the first check revealed 2 important twists to this hash. Firstly, the hares were clearly on an economy drive & could not afford to buy much flour. Secondly, co-hare Spare Rib (who was guiding the runners) claimed that he could not remember the trail. These themes were to recur regularly during the hash.
The runners looked everywhere – up hill, down dale, up hariettes skirts (okay, I made that bit up), but no trail was forthcoming. But of course, how stupid, it carried on past a cross! The hash started off again, leaving Dingus to catch up as he, at this point, had abseiled vainly down a mountainside in order to find said flour.
One impressive thing became clear as the first half wore on. Despite starting in a housing estate and being in a built up area, the hares had done an excellent job of keeping the hash off road. Congratulations for that, even if the odd rubbish tip was thrown in for good measure.
As sure as night follows day, the downhill ended and was replaced by a slog to the top of the hill. Perpetch took it in his stride, as did the hash hounds; Dingus deliberately went anywhere except on trail and the rest of us bitched & moaned our way up the hill. Big End was particularly happy with the thorns & bushes strategically placed to mangle her clothes.
Check at the top of the hill, no flour, so Dingus, Sudsucker & Jobsworth went one way & everyone else stayed put until Spare Rib gave an unsubtle hint. What a shocker, the 3 wise monkeys’ downhill was a blinkin’ long falsie, with the only benefit of the resultant uphill march being the liberation of a football to lessen the agony.
The rest of the hash, meanwhile, was confronted with another problem. Spare Rib solemnly explained that, to follow the trail, they had to pass through private property. Not only that, the owners were guarding it, looking mean and ready to batter us with the lead pipe they held menacingly in their hands. What to do? Easy, really, ignore them and go straight over their land. We could really have done with the likes of Anal Condom to give some verbal as we went, but alas all went smoothly.
After these antics, the first half finished with a nice trail through the woods, spoilt only by Two Cheeky & Lady Windermere’s insistence to pollute the trail.
Beer stop was a pleasant affair, especially as the car was only 200 metres from the start. An easy second half, then? No chance! Spare Rib was, after all, co-hare and his idea of an easy hash is anything with less than 1,000 metres of climb.
The runners went back the way they came, to be confronted by a check and a vicious downhill trail. A gang of wimps ignored the trail and decided to go back to the beer car (and, I presume, the start) whilst the hardcore pondered how to get down into that valley. In the end, Padre did his usual mountain goat routine (prefaced this time by "Get out of the way, I’m coming!") whilst Prestressed took it more gingerly. But, you know what? This route was one big loop & ended up……back at the beer car! Bugger.
At this point, sane people would give up & go home, but not the remaining hashers. The flour trail had mysteriously stopped again, so it fell to our esteemed hare to (try to) remember where it restarted. What followed was a very enjoyable run through the forest (even more so when seeing Prestressed negotiating an evil downhill section having gone the wrong way). The only inconvenience was the climb up again, but this was tempered by the thought of booze and carbs waiting at the end.
The circle was a fairly quick affair, in order to allow the hash to get to the onon in time for the rugby and for Toggle Oggle to get home in time for the Eastenders omnibus.
The onon was excellent. Kums Kwiker (I’m going to be shouted at for misspelling!) had enlisted Big End & Stella Artois to ensure an excellent spread, with star performers beef stew & Moroccan soup ably supported by nibbles & cakes. Lots of cakes.
A few die hards actually insisted on watching all the rugby. Everyone else flitted between rugby, food & socialising. Oh, and also a mini hash. Special mention must go to junior hares Rachel, Henry & Charlotte who had set a trail around Cumalot’s garden & roped everyone in to trying it out. I have to say that I never realised he had so much terrain. I was knackered!
And that, as they say, was that. Most people didn’t mind who won the rugby as long as it wasn’t France. France wrecked the party by scraping through in the last minutes. Exercised, watered & bellies full, it was time to get back to preparing for the week ahead. Many thanks to the hares for a really enjoyable hash, to the party organisers for laying on such a great spread and most of all to Cumalot & Kums Kwiker for opening up their house to a group of sweaty people.
To the circle. Beers went to:
Hares – Cumalot & Spare Rib
Latecomers – Dingus, Sudsucker, Mr Pizza, Mme Mouton & Perpetch
Lost key cat burgler – Knicker Licker
Mugless (again) – Jobsworth, Farty Bum, Anne of Cleavage
Professorial leanings – Dottoressa Contessa
Shoe Sniffing – Carol
29th wedding anniversary – Sneaky Bastard (congratulations) & Jingle Balls (commiserations)
Illiteracy – Dingus
Story telling gippo pikey – Padre
Returners – Tidal Dave, Toggle Oggle & Spare Rib
Virgins – Sophie & Lady Windermere (Virgin runner)
Dirty Old Men – Perpetch & Prestressed
Letting dog bite the hand that feeds - Jobsworth
Shit of the week nominations:
It was a close call and the winner was Perpetch
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
Harley D & Pedo
R*n 539: NEXT HASH 25 Feb
MEETING TIMES : 11:30 for a sharp departure at 12:00
RESTAURANT : 16 €
TO GET TO THE MEETING PLACE : from the highway NICE - AIX, take the exit n° 41 (set the counter to 0). Follow the signs PEGOMAS. Turn left (after 9 kms or so) on the D 309 towards Tanneron. When you arrive at the Valcros "lieudit", turn left and straight away on the right on the small Chemin de la Verrerie. Drive one kilometer or so till you see on the right a panel "gites communaux". Take the turning and park next to the beautiful "bastide"... ready to enjoy (suffer, according to Pedo!) a 2:15 hours walk/run!
Note from Perpetch
You cannot fault the timing of Harley D's Hash. 25 Feb is the date that a professional cycling race (Tour of the Haut Var) passes through Tanneron. It is due to go through Tanneron at 1309 hours but obviously roads are going to be blocked before and after they pass.
The good news is that it looks as though the village itself will be clear but access from the south and west, from the Grasse Draguignan Road and the road from Lac St Cassien, will be difficult. Access from Pegomas and Mandelieu should be OK but parking may be a problem.
These cyclists are a damned menace!.